A roadmap to exactly what to do and what not to do
A guy who ignores you is just so annoying and heart-wrenching, especially if you started to like him. You know the two of you had great chemistry and he seemed to be really into you. So why has he gone missing and what can you do about it? Not to worry, we have all the information you need when you ask how to get his attention back when he ignores you.
1. Give him space
The first solution when a guy ignores you is very easy and straightforward. Just stop reaching out to him.
Don’t call or text or comment on his social media. Go totally radio silence.
Also, if you have common activities you can choose not to show up to those activities.
You might instinctively know that this should be your first step, but sometimes it’s hard not to reach out. You like him and you want him in your life, right?
That’s why you are looking into ways to get his attention back when he ignores you.
Him ignoring you is not about you
To make this plan easier to implement it’s important to realize that most of the time when a guy ignores you, he is the problem. You have done nothing wrong and his behavior has nothing to do with your personality or looks.
He needs time and space
The most likely explanation is that he feels like the relationship is moving too fast.
For many guys, dating will trigger their instinct to want to push the other person away. A lot of guys really appreciate their freedom, and they have an idealized version of being single. To better understand why guys act like this read When he pulls away do nothing.
Give him time to miss you
If he ignores you, probably you have been playing too much on his field. He feels like he already has you and that scares him.
But when you start ignoring him, he will start doubting if you like him. This will trigger his lust to want you back.
When he stops hearing from you, he will start wondering what you are up to. He will also start remembering all the things he appreciated and liked about you. Silence from your side will trigger his need to reach out again and that’s why this should be your first step.
2. Do your own thing
Giving a guy space to get his attention back works best if you use the time apart to improve yourself and do fun interesting things with your life.
If you just sit around and wait for him to reach out again, he will sense this and the strategy will not work.
A guy who ignores you doesn’t appreciate the value you bring to his life and that sucks. But don’t forget that you should be the person bringing value to your life and taking care of yourself.
Improve your life
The fact that you desperately want him in your life tells me that you are not happy with your life as it is.
I know it’s a harsh truth.
But this is also an opportunity to ask yourself what areas in your life you want to improve? Career? Social life? Fitness? Health?
Focusing on someone else is a coping mechanism
Sometimes we become totally focused on another person because we are afraid to look at ourselves. Basically, we want another person (a guy!) to come along and make us feel better about everything we feel bad about.
Be honest and do some soul-searching and when he does stop ignoring you, you might not even want him anymore.
Check out this article on How to get over your crush, for the best advice on how to truly move on.
Question his place in your life
You ask how to get his attention back, but to get his attention back you have to stop wanting to get his attention back. Did you follow? A bit ironic, but true.
Men seem to have a sixth sense of when a woman truly stops longing for them, and that’s usually the exact time he reaches out again.
Think about all the ways he is not what you want
To get to the place of indifference sooner, you need to stop viewing him in a golden light. When you ask how to get his attention back when he ignores you, I can already tell that you have him on a pedestal.
Why would you want someone in your life who ignores you?
Read our articles on How to stop being desperate and implement all of the advice.
3. Tell him that his behavior is not cool in your book
If you are dating a guy this can be step number 1, because to make a relationship work you need to be able to communicate.
He might not even realize that his behavior hurt you. He might be busy with work or school or other obligations.
When you are in a relationship, even if you just started dating, it’s important to tell the other person what you need and would want.
Tell him what you need
When you talk with him be vulnerable and talk about yourself. Instead of saying; you have been ignoring me. Say; I prefer more day-to-day contact when I’m dating someone.
This conversation is best had face-to-face. Or possibly over the phone. It’s not advised to call someone out over text since misunderstandings easily happen that way.
If you want to know the reasons behind why he seems to pull away, check out my article Why guys lose interest. To understand his behavior and where he is coming from is one of the crucial first steps when you ask how to get his attention backs when he ignores you.
You always feel better when you are being honest
If you are not dating you can still tell him how you feel. You can let him know that this kind of behavior is not what you want in your life. The same rules as above still apply. The only difference is that you can’t have too many expectations of someone you are not dating.
A little caveat, if you want his attraction to you to increase, this is not the best way to go about it.
On the other hand, having this conversation will increase your self-respect, and that’s always a good thing. You are standing up for yourself. He might pull away initially, but if the two of you have a great connection, he will respect your honesty, and who knows, he might even come back into your life.
4. Start dating someone else
Men also have a sixth sense that tells them when you have truly moved on, and that’s when they want you back.
You might not think it’s fun to start dating again when you already know you want this particular guy. But to start dating is exactly what you need to do to get his attention back when he ignores you.
Bad decisions stem from a lack of options. If you had a buffet of great options, you wouldn’t choose to eat dry crackers.
Men can always sense if you have a lot of options.
Moving on isn’t easy
The better you are at moving on, the more likely that he will come back. When he does come back, you might not even want him.
5. Use social media
After you have given him space and worked on yourself and started dating again, you can use social media to get his attention back.
It’s important you don’t jump straight to this step. Guys can usually sense when you use social media to try to get their attention.
But if you are in a good place and your dating life is in a good place one or two social media post is not a bad idea.
Fulfill one of his dreams
Do something he always talked about wanting to do, and make a post about it. Even better if you do it with another guy. But it’s also more lowkey to do it with a guy friend or any friend.
You can also start a hobby he is interested in and post about it.
Fulfill one of your dreams
Another version of this is that you do something you always dreamt about and he knows how important this was for you. This is actually a really great and effective way to get his attention back when he ignores you because it also means that you have to improve your life and make one of your biggest dreams into reality.
These sorts of things are bound to get his attention.
6. Go on a trip
A trip puts things in perspective. You will get new perspectives and this guy you are longing for will view you in a different light.
The longer the trip, the more effective it is as means to get his attention.
The reason why this works so well is because he will realize that you have your own life with fun exciting things going on. A trip will prove that you really have moved on.
Also, a long trip makes you moving on from him, to a physical experience and that’s an effective metaphor that will get to him. When you are away he will not be able to reach you in the same way, and that will get to him.
He sees another side of you
A trip will make him see you in another light. He will realize that you are braver and more adventurous than he thought.
If he did start ignoring you, probably he felt that you were not independent enough and a trip will prove that he was wrong in his assessment.
You will meet other guys
Also, he will realize that you are having fun without him and that you are meeting new people (possibly other guys.)
Don’t worry about how he will find out about the trip. He will, one way or another. Don’t post too much on social media.
7. Ask for his help
When you have done all of the steps above and done them with lots of passion and ferocity, it’s time to re-enter his life.
If you do this step too early, he will just keep ignoring you. And if he does, yes, it might be time to let go and start moving on. There is a guy out there who will be a better match for you.
Ask him about something he knows
The best way to re-enter his life is to ask for his help with something.
Think about what he is really good at and create a situation when you need his help with exactly this.
If he is a finance guy, you could ask him for help on how you should invest your money. If he knows a lot about entrepreneurship, ask him if you can pick his brain now when you are about to start your own business.
It should be something fairly serious that you really do need his help with. If he is a lawyer, you can get in trouble with the law 😉
This is the best way to get his attention back when he ignores you.
Men like to be of service
Men can usually not resist helping you out. He will also feel good about himself for helping you. At this point, he probably secretly wishes there was a way to get you back into his life.
When you do meet up with him, maybe you discover his attention was not worth fighting for after all.
8. Get involved in one of his hobbies
Most guys have hobbies they are deeply passionate about. They are all real nerds that way.
Those hobbies can be some kind of sport or other interest. You know the guy, just pick something he is deadly passionate about. Something he cannot live without.
Only do this step if you are ready
Before you do this step it’s important that you’ve done all the other steps, otherwise, your efforts will just come across as stalking.
If he likes tennis, you start playing tennis. This way you get a natural way to run into him. When you do, you will look your best since you are active and involved in something he loves.
Don’t be too eager
When you start this plan and if you do meet him, it’s important you play it cool.
Almost act as if you are totally uninterested in him. Be the first one to stop the conversation and leave. Make it very clear on a subconscious level that this is about you and not about him. If you are dating other guys at the same time, this should be easy.
9. Become friends with his friends
This is a tactic that can backfire.
But desperate times call for desperate measurements. If you are at war, you need to bring the biggest guns.
Infiltrating someone’s friends’ group is an effective way to get their attention and get them back into your life. Bring value to his friends, make them like you and think you are charming and funny. They will start inviting you to their activities.
It’s important you do this as naturally as possible. Try to get one of his friends to befriend you and infiltrate the friend group through that person.
Flirt with one of his friends
Jealousy is a powerful way to get someone’s attention when they ignore you. One of the best ways to do this is to flirt with one of his friends. You don’t want to overdo it, just have a nice sweet conversation with a couple of jokes thrown in for good measure.
Watch his reaction and see if he starts pursuing you and reaching out again.
This is a real last resort move, when you ask how to get his attention back when he ignores you. Proceed carefully.
Get involved with his profession
Most people are also vulnerable when it comes to their profession. After all, we all need to support ourselves.
How you do this depends completely on what his profession is.
But most professions come with obligations. You can become his client or show up at his place of work.
When you do this it’s important that you act as if your involvement is against your will.
Pretend to be reluctant
Other forces pushed you into the line of his profession. You had no choice but to oblige. You really don’t want to work with him. It’s also important that you date other guys, otherwise, you will come across as a stalker. But if you have moved on, this move look good.
10. Give him an invitation
Most people are too polite to refuse an invitation.
This can be an invitation to a party or to a dinner or simply something you know he likes to do.
You can only do this step if you have moved on, otherwise, he will just feel like you are still hung up on him.
You can easily do this step if you already started dating someone new. In this case, he is probably curious about what’s going on with you and your life and he will show up to take a look. A perfect way to get his attention back when he ignores you.
Show up somewhere you know he is going to be
Once again, this works best if you have given him some space and distance. So, don’t jump off your computer and rush to try it out.
If you know the guy well enough, you probably know exactly what he is up to. It will be easy to pretend that you just happened to be somewhere where he is also going.
Go to his favorite places
You can show up at his favorite café or at one of his activities.
Do this very casually and with no expectations. Ignore him most of the time. It’s also important that it looks like you are having fun.
A Final Note
After reading all of this, you might realize that it’s not easy to get his attention back when he ignores you. There is no quick fix, no magic switch to pull. Getting his attention back will take effort and hard work.
This is because someone who ignores you probably doesn’t have a place in your life anyway.
Moa Ailert is the founder and editor-in-chief of Her Brilliant Friend.
She has a bachelor’s degree in philosophy and plenty of insight into human psychology from traveling and living in different places around the world.
Moa is currently based in Portugal where she has a guesthouse; Villa dos Irmaos.
She has various websites, among others Ericeira Insider, but Her brilliant friend is her true passion project.
