How to comfort your boyfriend in a long-distance relationship

All the best tips and techniques that will bring the two of you closer together

You meet an amazing guy and you fell in love, but for one reason or another, life takes the two of you in different directions. You are forced to be in a long-distance relationship, and now you are wondering how to comfort your boyfriend and show him love, despite the distance.

You can strengthen your relationship despite the distance

Long-distance relationships have a bit of a bad reputation. Many people regard them as difficult. But loving each other while being apart can give you the opportunity to get to know each other on a deeper and slightly different level.

When done right, a long-distance relationship can bring the two of you closer. Are you wondering how to achieve this? We have all the answers.

1. Ask deeper questions

Our conversations are only as great as the questions we ask. Just because your relationship is long-distance doesn’t mean that you have to keep the conversation on a surface level.

Quite the opposite, a long-distance relationship can be an opportunity to get to know your boyfriend better. Since you have the distraction of neither touch nor other activities, your conversations will become more intense. It’s the things you tell each other that will tie you together.  

Ask him unexpected questions

Think about new questions you want to find out about your boyfriend. His favorite childhood memory? The best decision of his life? His favorite person? What is the next country he wants to travel to?

Find out who he is

When you wonder how to comfort your boyfriend in a long-distance relationship, challenge yourself to try and find out more about him. Getting to know someone on a deeper level is a good way to make him feel seen and appreciated in the relationship.

We like people who are deeply fascinated by us. The most beautiful thing we can do for other humans is to get to know them.

2. Get intellectually in sync

Never underestimate the need for new intellectual material.

This aspect is especially important in a long-distance relationship.

The two of you can’t be together physically, so you need to put that excess attention to being together intellectually. Ask him about the things he read, listens to, and what he finds stimulating right now.

Read the same books

The two of you can stay connected by reading the same book and afterward discussing the book. This can also be done with, for example, movies and podcasts, if you are not the bookish type. Enjoying the same music is another way of connecting.

Your long-distance boyfriend will feel comfort when the two of you share your thoughts and ideas about music, movies, and books.

3. Show him love the way he wants to be loved

When we love someone, we often show our love exactly as we would like to receive it.

Since your boyfriend is not present physically in your day-to-day life, you have plenty of time to think about him as a person. Think about the different ways he shows you his love.

Most likely, those are the ways that he likes to receive love.

And yes, this means embracing your sensual side

Make a conscious effort to show your love for him in a new and different way. A way that is more in line with his personality than yours.

For example, many men show their love through sex. This might not be your idea of showing love, but try it out. Show him more of your sensual side and see how he responds.

You can also ask your boyfriend about the things you do that make him feel your love and connection. Afterward, you can do more of those things. Since you are using his love language, he will feel a higher level of comfort in your relationship.

4. Don’t be critical of his behavior

When we are in a long-distance relationship, we usually feel a lot of frustration. It’s sad not to be able to be together with our partner. But exactly because of this dynamic many long-distance relationships fail.

We become victims of our own sadness and frustration. We often take out our negative emotions on our partners.

Negative emotions

When you feel bad, those feelings often come out as general negativity. When we don’t get our need for closeness met in other ways, we often lash out. We might complain or pick a fight or even ignore the other person.

What we want is love, but what we get is, unfortunately, a bigger distance.

Be aware of this destructive pattern and try to fight your impulses.

Don’t point out his shortcomings as a way to get attention

Don’t point out that he hasn’t called for a couple of days or that you are the one who always instigates contact. Instead, focus your attention on everything he does for you and for the relationship.

Be grateful for the person he is. Do tell him what you appreciate about him.

5. Tell, don’t show

Since a long-distance relationship is more about telling than showing, it’s important that you tell him more positive things than you would normally do.

If the two of you were together, you would do things together and touch each other. You have to ramp up your communication skills to make sure that he feels loved and appreciated.

Most men take negative feedback as very strong criticism, so when you ask how to comfort your boyfriend in a long-distance relationship, complaining too much about his behavior will have a very damming effect.

Instead, stay positive.

How do I make my boyfriend feel loved in a long-distance relationship?

8 techniques and strategies to try already today

When you want to comfort your boyfriend, tell him why you like him. Tell him why he is special to you. By doing this, he will feel loved by you. Being in a long-distance relationship is a way for the two of you to focus on the things that you like about each other.

1. Be more emotionally available

What makes him unique, and what makes your relationship worth all the scarifies? Find connection and emotional closeness in those things.

If before you simply liked each other, now is the time to figure out more exactly what you like about each other.

You also want to open up to him. Often we don’t have the close relationships we crave out of fear. We keep ourselves protected, even in a relationship.

The more brave and vulnerable you can be with your boyfriend, the better. Read our article How to be more emotionally available.

2. Have a long-distance sex life

Just because the two of you are apart doesn’t mean you can’t have a sex life.

Even if it might feel awkward at first, give it a go. Live and learn. Try different things and find out what works for you guys regarding long-distance sex. Take erotic photos. Record a striptease video. Have phone sex.

Tell him you are going to take a bath and think about him.

See the distance as an opportunity

Some things are easier to write in a text than to say in reality, do take your situation as an opportunity to explore and learn more about your partner’s sexuality.

You might feel self-conscious at first, but the reward can be surprisingly big. A healthy sex life will definitely help the two of you stay connected while having a long-distance relationship.

3. Trust him

Trust is essential in a long-distance relationship. It’s also an important part for many men when they are in a relationship. More than anything, a man wants to be trusted.

When you are not together, your imagination can get the best of you. Don’t let this happen.

Keep jealousy away

Instead, keep your mind clear of jealousy and other negative thought patterns. The more you are able to trust your boyfriend, the better you will be at navigating the deep waters of a long-distance relationship.

If you feel jealous, read our article about overcoming jealousy. How to stop being jealous in a relationship.

If you don’t feel enough trust, bring up the subject with your boyfriend. Be vulnerable and work together towards a good solution. Trusting him is actually showing him your love.

4. Create your own routines

Routine is a beautiful thing. It’s a safety blanket in an insecure world.

Take a moment and think about the routines you have with yourself and the happiness they bring to your life. You can do the same when you want to comfort your boyfriend in a long-distance relationship.

When you are in a long-distance relationship, a routine that is unique for the two of you will help you. It will make you feel like it’s the two of you against the world and like you have something important together.

Routines create trust

Examples of this can be having a date night once a week, sending a good morning text, or having breakfast in bed together every Sunday. Come up with something unique to you as a person.

Just decide on a few things and do them regularly. This will help build and establish trust in the relationship.

5. Use music to stay connected

Create a playlist with a long-distance soundtrack. Music makes us feel connected. Use songs to say all the things you don’t know how to express to your long-distance boyfriend.

If you like singing, you can even send him a couple of music videos or just a sound file with your singing.

6. Don’t be demanding

If you do all these tips, you might feel like you are putting in a lot of work to make the relationship stay strong.

In a long-distance relationship, it’s easy to feel like you work very hard for very little. But don’t think about your effort in a transactional way. Do your thing with a lot of passion, do it because you want to do it.

We all show love differently, and we all react differently to having a long-distance relationship

When some people don’t feel connected, they withdraw. It’s important that you don’t take possible withdrawal personally. Instead of thinking that you do all the work, stay positive, stay present.

Do the work for you, not for the other person.

7. Don’t use manipulative behavior

When you feel insecure in a situation, it’s all too easy to resort to manipulative behavior. When you have a long-distance relationship, this form of behavior is extra tempting.

We wrote an extensive in-depth guide about Manipulative Behavior; I strongly recommend that you read it to know what not to do.

Insecurity can make a long-distance relationship a draining experience. You keep this from happening by clearly expressing your wishes and needs.

Acts of service

Acts of service are one part of the five love languages. When you ask how to comfort your boyfriend in a long-distance relationship, you can use this knowledge of the different ways we as humans show love.

Just be on the lookout for opportunities for acts of service.

Sending him erotic pictures of yourself definitely, or telling him your latest fantasy with him in the starring role, counts as an act of service. You could also send him gifts or organize things for him from a distance.

Find out which acts of service he needs

You should pay attention to what he says and in what way he might need extra help or a thoughtful gift. You can also ask him what he needs and deliver on those needs.

You probably want him to miss you. Read our article How to make him miss you, for cool tips on achieving exactly this.

8. Take an interest in his interests

Since you are not spending time with him, make sure a bit of that extra time is spent doing and learning about things he is passionate about. Do this with things you would not usually care about. Does he like fishing or miniature trains or Japanese movies? The more obscure the interest, the better.

Take your time apart as an opportunity to connect with him over something you never connected over before. Read a book about the subject, try it out for yourself. You might end up enjoying his weird hobby.

Men connect more over activities and interests compared to women. So when you ask how to comfort your boyfriend in a long-distance relationship, this is the way in.

A Final Note

Having a successful long-distance relationship takes effort. But so does any relationship.

In a long-distance relationship, you have to do different kinds of ninja-tricks to stay close and connected, but this conscious effort also makes long-distance a great opportunity to develop your relationship into something deeply meaningful.

If the two of you are right for each other, you will find your own way to breach the distance.