How to stop being jealous in a relationship

Get rid of those unwanted feelings once and for all

Being jealous is a terrible feeling. You are afraid, but you don’t even know if your fear is valid. If you recognize yourself in this situation, I want you to know that it is possible to overcome jealousy. In this article, I will teach you all my best techniques and strategies on how to stop being jealous in a relationship.

How to achieve peace of mind

Put distance between you and the jealousy by not becoming the emotion.

Connect with the things that make you calm and content.

Accept that the relationship might end; what someone else chooses to do is outside your control.

Communicate with your partner about your feelings and work on yourself to increase your self-esteem.

There are many kinds of jealousy

In this text, I will focus on jealousy in romantic relationships. But jealousy comes up in many forms and many different situations.

The different techniques I’m going to present in this text can be used in all cases when you experience jealousy. They are not solemnly limited to romantic relationships.

Unwanted feelings

So if you have any kind of jealousy, or the green cousin; envy, let’s start working towards handling those unwelcomed feelings.

To stop being jealous in a relationship is not only possible; achieving this goal will improve your whole life.

Valid jealousy

Jealousy can be valid, and it can be totally invalid, and it’s not always easy to tell where the line goes between the two.

The first question you have to ask yourself is; do you have any reasons not to trust your boyfriend? Try to look at the situation and his behavior in an objective way.

Jealousy can be a toxic emotion, but it can also be a sign that something is wrong in the relationship. There are a lot of situations where we need to trust our emotions.

Ask friends for advice

Listen to your jealousy, analyze it, and be honest about whether it’s valid given the situation. If you have a hard time figuring things out on your own, ask a couple of friends for their opinions.

Is it your first time dealing with jealousy?

If your answer to the above question is a list of reasons why you do not trust your boyfriend, then your jealousy might be valid. Another question you can ask yourself is if you have been jealous in a previous relationship?

Take a close look at how jealousy has played out during your life and your different romantic relationships.

Infected by jealousy

Jealousy is a feeling you can catch by being betrayed by someone you trust.

In this case, your jealousy is not necessarily about the relationship you are in right now. It can be about you and your earlier experiences.

Be honest about how the relationship makes you feel

If you instead conclude that you have reasons to be jealous, you know that your jealousy is not what needs to be dealt with.

You need to evaluate yourself and your relationship and make a hard decision about what you need to do. You can check out our article How to know if you are dating the right person? to learn how to recognize the signs that you are in a healthy, supportive relationship.

If your jealousy is a healthy, reasonable reaction to the way your boyfriend behaves, you might need to end the relationship. Check out our article How to break up with your boyfriend?

How does your boyfriend behave?

Jealousy doesn’t need to originate in something as grave as your partner being unfaithful.

It can also be how he treats you and the different mechanisms at work in your relationship.

He is making your insecure

Examples of this can be that he is checking out other women or acting flirty towards women he comes across in a way that makes you feel uneasy. It can also be something as subtle as the fact that he always seems to be dissatisfied with what you have to offer.

Don’t accept bad behavior

If any of this is the case, sorry to break it to you, but your relationship might need a bit of work.

You have to explain your point of view to him, and if he doesn’t change his behavior, getting rid of him might be your only option.

Choosing the right partner, to begin with, will save your sanity as well as those hours spent googling Manipulative behavior.

Your boyfriend should make you feel safe

You should not be crazy jealous, but the man in your life should also be someone who makes you feel safe and appreciated.

If you, on the other hand, conclude that there is no reason for your jealousy, then it’s time to get rid of your jealousy one time and for all.

Invalid jealousy is when your feelings and thought doesn’t reflect the reality of the situation.

Anxiety and fear

We can all relate to jealousy. We have all been there, one way or another. Jealousy is the manifestation of so many different unfruitful things. Low self-esteem, fear, anxiety. But those things are emotions all of us are dealing with. Emotions can be handled.

Put distance between you and the jealousy

First of all, jealousy is normal.

We can’t shield ourselves from all our negative emotions.

A lot of the time, the best thing is to acknowledge the emotion, and feel the emotion, but at the same time, apply a bit of an outsider’s perspective.

The emotion is not who you are.

Practicing mindfulness

Jealousy is not who you are. To stop being jealous in a relationship, imagine that you are a pier and the emotions hit your shore, wash over you, and continue on their journey. In other words, try being more mindful about the whole thing.

Connect with the things that make you calm and content

Instead of giving too much weight to the emotion, try focusing your attention on the things that are you.

Think about who you were ten years ago; what was important to you? What gave you tremendous joy?

Which of those things still plays a big part in your life?

Which of those things do you want to play a big part in your life?

Get to know the essence of you

Those are the things that are truly you, the essence of your being, and what is valuable and unique to you.

Embrace those things.

We all have activities, places, and missions that make us feel calm and peaceful when we engage in them.

To battle unwanted negative emotions, such as jealousy, the most important thing you have to do is connect with the things in life that give you positive emotions.

Stop being jealous in a relationship by letting go of the illusions

You are probably afraid that he will be unfaithful and eventually leave you.

Let me break it to you; he might leave you.

If he does choose to leave you, it’s his choice, and you will be OK.

You can’t control another person. You can’t control their actions and the role they will play in your life. Once you let go of your need to control, your jealousy will shrink. Work towards this goal.

You can’t control the future

When you feel jealousy, remind yourself that what he does with his life is not in your control.

He is not essential for your existence. You had a life before him, and you will have a life after him.

You will be ok

Trust not that your relationship will work out. It might not. But trust that if the relationship doesn’t work out, you will learn from the experience. You will be OK, and you know how to take care of yourself.

If you act on your jealousy, you will push him away

The sad reality is that jealousy and controlling behavior will drive your partner away.

So if you indulge too much in your jealousy, it might serve as a self-fulfilling prophecy. You will drive him away. He will break up with you. And can you really blame him? Jealousy is not cool and nice to be around. Unwarranted jealousy is unattractive.

Talk to your jealousy

Instead of acting out, talk nicely to yourself and your jealousy. I found this quote on Quora (I love Quora), and I thought it was so great that I wanted to include it:

“I’m OK,” I tell my jealousy. “Thank you, you beautiful monster, for struggling to keep me safe. You and I are going to be just fine.”

That sentence is a nice example of how to shift your inner focus to stop being jealous in a relationship.

Communicate with your partner

When you feel calm and collected and have had time to process your feelings, you should communicate with your partner about your jealousy.

A good partner should listen to your feelings. He can explain his perspective and how the situation felt for him.

Ask him for what you need

Hopefully, he can reassure you and make you feel safe. But don’t rely too heavily on your partner to make you feel better. We are responsible for our emotional well-being.

Also, if he is not doing anything wrong, don’t expect him to change his behavior. When we change our behavior too much, especially for invalid reasons, we start to resent our partner.

To stop being jealous in a relationship, work towards controlling your actions

Since jealousy is an emotion that makes people act in all kinds of destructive ways, it’s important that you don’t engage in those different ways. We can’t control our emotions, but we can control our actions.

Don’t question your partner, don’t throw out accusations, don’t sulk. Don’t withdraw affection. Don’t play games.

Behave in a respectful way

Do absolutely not indulge in flirting with other guys to try and get back at your partner or feel better about yourself.

If you act on your jealousy, you will push your partner away.

Don’t indulge in your jealousy

When you act on your jealousy, you give more importance to the feeling than to your relationship. Acting makes the feeling grow, and you are caught in a vicious circle.

The more you invite jealousy into your life, the more often it will show up.

The less you act, the smaller the feeling becomes.

Don’t feed the feeling.

Work on yourself

The root problem of jealousy is low self-esteem.

People who are confident, calm, and happy with themselves are not jealous.

They trust themselves to be able to deal with whatever life throws at them.

The accept uncertainty

They know that the future is unpredictable, and there is no need to speculate about what will happen, no need to be ridden by anxiety before anything bad ever has taken place.

But let’s be honest, most of us don’t love ourselves as much as we should.

We are all suffering from low self-esteem in one way or another. You might have high self-esteem when it comes to some areas of your life (professional, for example), but low self-esteem when it comes to other areas.

Jealousy is about feeling unworthy

Rather than facing these feelings of inadequacy and overcoming them, it is easier to point to someone else and blame them for not fulfilling your need.

Jealousy places excess energy on things that can’t be controlled and takes it away from things that can be controlled.

Being jealous is a feeling that originates from not feeling worthy.

Improve your self-esteem

To minimize your jealousy, you need to work on your self-esteem.

There is no quick fix here.

It takes years to strengthen your self-esteem. You have to actively work towards the goal of loving yourself. But the work you do put in will not only help you to stop being jealous in a relationship, but it will also help you improve in all areas of life.

How to increase your self-esteem

There are many ways you can achieve better self-esteem. I’m going to give you two tips here. The first one is to work on your self-respect.

With greater self-respect comes greater self-esteem. Self-respect cannot be thought into existence. It can only be earned by action, and this must be done every single day.

Every time you set a goal for yourself and manage to achieve this goal, you start to respect yourself more.

You take care of yourself

The things you manage to accomplice are important in themselves, but they are also important to show yourself that you are in control of your life. You know what you are capable of. You know that you can take care of yourself.

Practice gratefulness

The other exercise to strengthen self-esteem is to be grateful. When you have a jealous thought, replace it with a thought of gratefulness. Make a long list of everything you are grateful for.

When jealousy comes up, you have plenty of things to choose from.

You can also start every day by putting pen on paper and physically listing a few things you are grateful for.

Focus on the things you do have

This practice will give you a greater appreciation for the things that are unique to your life, and this will lead to better self-esteem. You will be more focused on what you do have and spend less time thinking about everything you don’t have.

A Final Note

All of our lives are works in progress. We move through life trying to improve ourselves and our relationships with other people. This is a great journey, and as it should be.

View your jealousy in this bigger context and keep your eyes on the prize. To be a less jealous person is a terrific goal. Because the less jealous you will be, the more you will enjoy the things you have in your life.

Getting rid of jealousy is a road worth taking

You can also check out our article How to deal with a jealous boyfriend for some additional tips and valuable insights about the ugly beast that is jealousy.

Getting rid of your jealousy will make you stronger, more authentic, and freer. You will attract better things for yourself.

You will have a healthier, more profound relationship with the people close to you.

To free yourself from jealousy takes hard work. The road to becoming less jealous is not always straight, but it’s a road worth taking. Negative emotions suck the joy out of life.

In the end, our life and the joy we have for our particular life is all there is.