Why guys lose interest

The 8 most common reasons and all the possible solutions

Everything was going great; the two of you spent a lot of time together. You had fun, he seemed to be having fun, and you could feel the connection growing. Or so you thought. Lately, he has been ditching your calls, acting avoidant, maybe even cold. You are left wondering why do guys lose interest?

In this article, I will answer this question once and for all. This way, you will understand him, and you will be better at preventing a guy from losing interest.

You will also get all the tools necessary to get this specific guy back.

Why guys lose interest – The crash course

• 1. He feels like he already has you.
• 2. He found someone else who caught his interest.
• 3. He just wanted sex.
• 4. The relationship went from casual to serious.
• 5. He has things in his life he wants to achieve.
• 6. He discovered something about you he doesn’t like.
• 7. You have been too negative.
• 8. He needs more time on his own.

Not all relationships are meant to be

You might think he is the right guy for you. But the fact that he is giving you the cold shoulder should make you question that conclusion.

He might know something about himself that makes the two of you incompatible.

You lost the attraction for him

Think back to the guys you have ditched. I’m sure there is a couple of them.

Often it was something specific that made you lose interest in a guy. He might have been cheap, rude to one of your friends, or just acted uninterested in a particular situation, and as a result, your attraction to him took a big dive.

Sometimes, it’s just a feeling

Other times it was nothing specific, just a feeling. Something felt slightly off with him or with the two of you together.

You just didn’t like him as much as he deserved.

Right now, your guy is probably experiencing something similar. There is a reason why he appeared to have lost interest. Let’s dig in and find out. We will get to the bottom of why guys lose interest.

He could also just be scared

First, a little caveat, one of the most likely reasons why a guy appears to lose interest is that he is simply scared. To discover that your feelings are reciprocated is, for some people, scary as hell.

Thus, now that things have turned from fun and easygoing to a bit more serious, he is having a freak-out.

He might doubt the fact that he wants a relationship. He might doubt the fact that he wants a relationship with you. All those doubts are actually natural and healthy.

We should be careful about whom we choose

We should not give away our love too easily.

If the reason why he is losing interest is that he is scared of love, the best thing you can do is to give him space. At the same time, continue to be nice whenever he does choose to interact with you.

Don’t pressure him

If you suspect he is scared, don’t punish him for needing space.

Just keep on being the best version of yourself when he is in contact with you. Give the guy some time to figure things out on his own. And you yourself should just relax because his decision is most likely outside of your control.

With that little caveat out of the way, let’s look at the eight most common reasons why guys lose interest and explore the solutions.

1. He feels like he already has you

Men do enjoy the hunt, both on a conscious level and on a subconscious level. They thrive when they are working hard to try and win you over. The moment he realizes that he has succeeded in his mission is when some guys lose interest.

He can’t control his instinct

Don’t blame him for this behavior because he is probably not even aware of the reason for the change in his feelings. It’s more instinct than a calculated way of hurting you.

He can’t help himself. His natural hunter instinct made him lose interest in you.

What’s the solution?

Show him that he doesn’t have you. Spend some time on your own doing things you enjoy.

Reset your focus away from your budding relationship to other areas of your life.

Focus on your friends and your career. If the two of you are only dating, go on a couple of dates with other men. Explore your options and focus on having fun and on developing yourself.

Become more mysterious

When he doesn’t always know what you are up to, you will become more mysterious to him, and he will once again feel the need to win you back. Read our article How to be mysterious for additional tips.

When he reaches out, it is important that you are fun and sweet and only slightly dismissive. Let him feel that he has been knocked down a couple of steps on your priority list.

Let him work to win you back.

2. He found someone else who caught his interests

Yeah, this one sucks. But it does happen.

It’s one of the main reasons why some guys lose interest.

When a guy is in the dating phase, he is usually looking at and interacting with a lot of women, and he is also evaluating those women. If he seems to be pulling away and you suspect someone else caught his interest, you are probably right.

You want to be the best option

Think about how you behave when you date?

You have alternatives, and you are open to falling in love.

Don’t let bitterness engulf you. You want him to make a well-informed decision. If he chooses you, it should be a choice not because you were the only one available, but because you were genuinely his absolutely best option. We make the best choices when we have alternatives.

What’s the solution?

The connection we experience with other humans is partly within our control and partly outside our control.

Think about how you met your friends and the connection you share with some people while other people leave you indifferent. That’s part of life.

You can work on yourself to become more attractive to all men around you. I strongly recommend checking out our article How to appear more attractive as a woman.

Take a couple of steps back

But at the end of the day, whom a specific guy chooses is not within your control. Everything you can do is to be the best version of yourself.

If he does pull back and you suspect someone else might have caught his eye, don’t chase him harder. Instead, take a couple of big steps away and let that thing take its natural course.

Maybe he will find his way back to you.

3. He just wanted sex

I know this alternative sounds cruel, and you might be thinking that this was absolutely not the case with your guy. But the truth is that if he just wanted sex, he might not even be aware of this himself.

He didn’t do it deliberately

He probably thought he wanted a deep connection, maybe even a girlfriend. But when he got the sex, his feelings for you became significantly lower. In some instances, this happens to men, and they can’t even explain it themselves.

It’s out of their control.

Don’t blame men too much for wanting sex. We all want sex. The biological part of our body is programmed for sex. Most likely, he didn’t trick you. His body tricked him.

What’s the solution?

Since people don’t always know their true intention, there is no way for you to know beforehand.

The only way to find out if a guy is only interested in sex is to sleep with him. Don’t beat yourself up for thinking it was love. He probably thought it was love as well.

Give him space

If you want to try and “get” him, just give him space. You can also stop handing out the sex. Just because you slept with someone once or twice doesn’t mean you have to continue to sleep with him.

Make a strong emotional connection

If his investment in you doesn’t match your expectations, don’t keep handing out the sex. Take away the sex and see if he is willing to stick around for the other things.

Also, try to connect with him emotionally rather than on a sensual level. Read our article How to get a man to be vulnerable.

4. The relationship went from casual to serious

When this happens, many guys will naturally pull back.

Some of them just need a breather and will come back to you once they figure things out. To enhance the possibility of this outcome, you should keep your cool.

You might be part of the problem. Rather than trying to find out if he is the right guy for you, you have already decided that he is someone you want as a partner.

Your energy changed

When this shift happens whit in you, the energy you send out is also changing. You stop focusing on just enjoying the moment and start focusing on achieving a future with the man in question. This change in you is one of the top reasons why guys might lose interest.

You started to expect things from him

Oftentimes you have also put the change within you into words and actions. You expect him to spend the weekend with you. You expect him to meet your friends and be your plus one at events.

Many guys pick up on this process subconsciously, and since they are not yet sure if you are the one for them, they will naturally pull back from the relationship.

Simply stated, they are not ready for things to be serious just yet.

What’s the solution?

Don’t let your imagination run wild. I know it’s hard to control. But take a couple of steps back.

He might be the right man for you. He might not. Fantasizing about your wedding and your future children is from now on out of the question. If you made the decision that he is the right man for you, evoke that decision.

Don’t put him on a pedestal

Instead, continue to evaluate him, and knock him down from the pedestal.

Take your time to enjoy getting to know him without your agenda fixed on a specific outcome.

People can always sense when you are using them as a means to a goal instead of simply being present and enjoying their company. Most people want to be valued for the unique experience they bring to the table. They are not a means to an end.  

5. He has things in his life he wants to achieve

Men are generally much more likely to feel that their achievements define who they are and their psychological well-being.

Most men have a lot of important goals in their life.

They might want to travel, have an amazing career, and have lots of time to do their hobbies. Men are usually more competitive when it comes to their passions, so these take a lot of time and effort.

He is not ready for a relationship

Thus, a relationship might not be what they want to prioritize before they have everything else figured out.

In this case, when guys lose interest, it is a case of bad timing.

We oftentimes underestimate the amount of adjustment and effort a serious relationship demands. He might just not be prepared to make those adjustments and give up that amount of time at this point in his life.

What’s the solution?

If someone is not in the mood for a relationship, you can’t change that. What you can do is to be very excited and supportive of his plans.

You can also have a lot of interesting plans for your future. Thus, he will know that your well-being is not dependent on him, and he will be more likely to choose a relationship with you over his other passions.

Be supportive of his life’s mission

Show him that you support him in his passions but don’t compromise too much on what’s important to you.

If having a partner and spending a lot of time with him is something you want in your life, don’t compromise with that goal just to keep him in your life.

If the two of you want different things, the best thing you can do for yourself is to walk away. He will respect you for that decision. Sometimes when guys lose interest is a strong sign that he was not the right guy for you.

6. He discovered something about you that he doesn’t like

We have all been there. We thought our new fling was amazing, kind, smart, funny, and everything else under the sun. Until one day when they do or say something that makes us reevaluate everything we previously thought about them.

Politics and religion might be deal breakers

It might be a political view we disagree with. Or they might be gossiping about their friends in a mean way. We might discover that they are cheap or that they have a dirty apartment and no idea how to cock. Whatever we discover is fatal, and we will pull away from the budding relationship.

What’s the solution?

Give him time to adjust to this new information without putting pressure on him. Sometimes the picture we have of our crush is so idealized that reality can come as a bit of a shock. If you don’t have any major skeletons hidden in your closet, you should be fine.

If a political or religious view separates the two of you, there is not so much you can do. He must make the decision about how important that belief is for him.

Make sure you explain your point of view

He might even bring up the issue and thus give you the opportunity to tell him how you regard the situation.

If it is something you did that displeased him, make sure you maturely take his criticism. Communication is the key to a successful relationship.

7. You have been too negative

Negativity has the ability to suck all the joy out of life. It is exhausting to be around a person who is too negative. Negativity drains our emotional energy.

When we interviewed more than 300 men to create Her Brilliant Friend, their girlfriend being negative was one of the major reasons guys mentioned why they had ended a previous relationship.

Since men are so oriented around solving problems, the feeling that they can’t solve your problems will make them pull away from you.

When you are too negative, his attraction for you will diminish.

Don’t try and change him

This mechanism is similar to when you try and change him. To try and change him indirectly means that you are unhappy with reality. When you try and change a man, you tell him that he is not good enough the way he is.

This is a form of negativity that can make guys lose interest.

What’s the solution?

Work hard to be a positive influence in people’s life. How we come across in the world is something we have control over. We can choose to be supportive of our friends and partners.

Evaluate your behavior and make the necessary corrections. The happier you are, the happier your new man will be. Your happiness is linked to his happiness. Give him the gift of you being satisfied.  

Work towards improving your general happiness

Also, work hard on actually being happy. Ask yourself how you can improve your life to be more content. Make those improvements. Take full responsibility for everything that’s going on in your life.

When you are happy in all different areas of your life, you become a pleasure to be around.

You have more love to give, and everyone around you can feel it, including him.   

8. He needs more time on his own

We all need time on our own. Some people are naturally more introverted.

When we first meet someone and fall in love, all the happy hormones are at an all-time high. Basically, you are high, and so is your new man.

But as the relationship progresses, those hormones settle on a more comfortable level, and when this happens, people often revert to their natural personalities. There is a natural pullback.

His pursuits are who he is

Thus, he hasn’t lost interest. He just has other things he wants to experience.

If you are at the beginning of the dating phase and he seems to need more time on his own, this can be because he has other important projects going on. He might be busy with work or with his passions, or with exercise.

What’s the solution?

When we are in a new relationship, we have to find different ways to be together and do our own thing, or be together and be quiet.

Practice just being with him without demanding his attention. Show him that the two of you can be together but still enjoy enough space to get that feeling of being alone and recharging your batteries.

Bring up the subject with him

If you think he is pulling back because he needs more time on his own, you can have a conversation with him. Ask him how much time he would ideally spend with a partner.

If he needs time on his own and you push too hard for time together, he will just pull back even more. Give him the time he needs.

Just to be on the safe side, check out our articles about emotionally unavailable men, for example, Confessions of an emotionally unavailable man.

Him losing interest might have nothing to do with you

There is also the strong possibility that him losing interest in you has absolutely nothing to do with you or your behavior. Or interaction with the world is in most cases, a result of who we are.

He might have issues with connection and intimacy that have nothing to do with you.

We can’t control another human. The only thing we can do is watch their actions and listen to what they tell us. If he doesn’t give you the investment you want, withdraw your participation from the situation.

A Final Note

I have told you the eight main reasons why guys lose interest, but humans are more complicated than lists on the web.

The most likely reason why it seems as if your guy has lost interest is a combination of a couple of those reasons.

But his reason can also be something completely different. He might not know the reason himself, and it might be beyond his control.

If you feel frustrated with the situation, the solution is to bring the focus back to yourself and your life. The passion you bring into this life is the most beautiful thing you will ever get, and when it comes to this, you have full control.