How to be mysterious

11 tips and strategies that will make you an intriguing enigma

Have you ever been up all night reading a mystery novel? Then you know the allure of a good mystery. When you wonder how to be mysterious, start by being a little coyer and more secretive than you would normally be.

Why does being mysterious create attraction?

As humans, we are drawn to the unexplained and unknown. We want to explore foreign territories and discover unexpected treasures.

Getting to know another human is similar to reading a great novel. A whole world is slowly unfolding in front of your eyes.

You make one discovery after another, and you feel utterly fascinated. When you want to create attraction, you can use this mechanism to your advantage.

1. Have an interesting life

If there is nothing to uncover, there is no mystery. How to be mysterious starts with you having an exciting and interesting life.

Find some unusual hobbies and pursue them with a lot of passion. Adventure hobbies work best. So, if you want to take your pilot license, run an ultra-marathon, or successfully climb Mount Everest, now is the time.

Women who are adventures are naturally mysterious.

Explore the world

If these suggestions sound too wild for you, just figure out a light version that you can get behind. Learn how to dance salsa, spend a couple of months in Havana, work on a farm (If only for a week), or volunteer at something close to your heart.  

2. You have to be brave and unexpected

If you want to come across as mysterious, I do urge you to push the envelope a little bit.

If becoming mysterious was a walk in the park, everyone would be mysterious. And they are clearly not, right?

Another way to have an interesting life is to embrace the different contrasting sides of you.

When we meet someone, we try to figure them out by applying a template. We decide what type of person they are. If you don’t fit in the template, you are naturally mysterious.

Be a person with different sides

Say that you are a great mom. You could combine this with being a fierce Muay Thai boxer, and voila, you are mysterious. The more opposing sides you have to your personality, the more mysterious you will be.

Analyze yourself to come up with your contradicting sides, develop those sides. Have fun with those sides and use them to make your life rich and interesting.

3. Be unpredictable

Humans are predictable. Predictability is safe. We often strive toward safety.

We like the familiar, we feel safe in that space. Both when it comes to other people and when it comes to us. Thus, we like ourselves the best when our behavior is predictable.

But if you wonder how to become mysterious, this normal behavior is your enemy.

Take risks

If you can predict yourself, the chances are that everyone else can as well. What you have to do is surprise yourself. Think about what you would normally do and do the opposite.

Try not to play it safe and instead challenge yourself to action you normally wouldn’t do.

Say yes in a situation where you normally would say no. (Watch the movie Yes Man to see how this will make you unpredictable.)

4. Don’t tell him everything

Most people share too much, too soon.

They just keep talking, and you feel like you quickly get a good grip on who they are.

It’s the template again. You find out information, and you quickly fill in the rest, and then you move on. Keep people from understanding you by whit holding crucial information about yourself.

For example, you can say, “I’m not going to answer that right now.” Give no explanation and no time frame for when you will tell them.

Deflect questions

Or, if you want to be more subtle, you can deflect the questions by asking them a question or just not answering the question.

Not giving all information works because our brains naturally try to fill in the rest of the information.

Thus the man in question will fantasize about you since he doesn’t have much information. He can’t easily figure you out. He will become more attracted to you by having to try and figure you out.

For more ideas, read our article How to appear more attractive as a woman.

5. Don’t share your feelings

Not sharing your feelings is a trick that is a bit mean, but if your goal is to be mysterious, this works. Be cool and composed. Don’t let negative things affect you.

Don’t spend time complaining about your job. Instead, be present and observe what’s going on around you, and share those observations whit out connecting them too much to yourself.

For a slightly crazy story of a woman who is truly mysterious (Probably even to herself), check out How to make a man cry in bed.

Talk about the big questions

Learn how to discuss philosophy instead of sharing your feelings about everything.

Keep the discussion on a metaphysical level, and he will not know much about you, and he will think you are mysterious.

Also, don’t share much of your past. Pretend that you were put on earth just yesterday, without memories and baggage.

Shine the spotlight on him

Since you want to be mysterious, you can’t share too much about yourself. Instead, keep shifting the focus back to your company. Be intrigued and interested in who he is. Be fascinated by what he has to bring to the table. Be fully present when he talks and listen intently.

To not come across as “too much into him,” combine this technique with the technique of teasing him. Check out our instructions on How to tease your crush.

6. Pursue your creative side

Creative people are naturally mysterious.

Take up painting or sculpturing or something else artistic. If your talent leans more toward the musical side, try signing lessons or learning how to play an instrument.

If you like writing, signup for a creative writing course. Or you could join a local theater group. Whatever you do, make sure you become more creative.

Surround yourself with art

Surround yourself with music, poetry, and your favorite paintings. Put your phone away and be more active in pursuing different creative spaces such as concerts, museums, and happenings.

If you can come up with totally unexpected ways of being creative, even better.

Create something unique

The important thing is that you get your hands dirty trying to create something. When we create, we expose a bit of our soul to the world.

We are vulnerable, but we also leave people the opportunity to interpret our work, and thus we are creating mystery.

7. Delete your social media presence

Are you really dedicated to becoming mysterious?

There is only one way forward, and that’s to delete all your social media. Constantly updating the world on what’s going on in your life is not mysterious.

Stay away from posting updates

If this feels too drastic for you, just take a couple of days without using Snapchat and Instagram. This will create a lot of mystery if you are usually present in those forums. Do regular social media hiatus.

8. Leave your phone behind

Do you want to take things even further? Go out in the world without your phone.

You will probably get lost (no google maps) you will have to talk to people. Planning will be difficult. Basically, your life will be an adventure, and you will become a bit of a mystery to yourself since you can’t use your phone to figure everything out.

I will also recommend our article about Manipulative behavior. By reading it, you will understand a lot of things about human interaction.

9. Don’t second guess yourself

Don’t ask yourself if you look beautiful enough or if you are smart enough. Doubt is not mysterious. Certainty is. Don’t question if you are going to have fun at that party. Make a firm decision and stick with them.

Make a decision and stick to it

People who know what they want naturally appear more mysterious because their thought process is not transparent.

Having difficulties choosing or regretting a choice is not mysterious.

You know yourself. You know how to make yourself happy. When you know what you want, you come across as more mysterious.

10. Be spontaneous

Planning every day in detail is not mysterious. Having decided exactly what to do this week, next week, and next year is not mysterious.

Instead, try surprising yourself and do unexpected things without planning.

For you to be mysterious, your existence has to be a bit unpredictable and spontaneous. Don’t be a grown-up.

Go on an adventure

Have plenty of joy for small adventures. Get on a bus or an airplane whit out a clear destination in mind. If someone suggests a night swim, go along and join. Be open to what life has to offer.

11. Take plenty of alone time

Having alone time comes in many different forms; Long walks in the forest or along the beach. Meditation retreats. Spending the weekend tucked away in a café with your favorite book. Long steamy bubble bath with plenty of Mozart in the background.

Spend time with yourself

Whatever your version of alone time is, don’t feel bad for spending time with yourself. Don’t feel like you have to attend all social events; instead, enjoy your own company.

Always prioritize spending quality time with yourself and doing things that make you calm and happy.

How to be mysterious in a long-term relationship

When we are coupled up with someone, a bit of the mystery naturally fades. But you can still keep on being mysterious to your man, even in a relationship.

In fact, all the strategies and techniques I mentioned above still work even if you are in a relationship. The main thing you have to do is keep evolving and keep some things to yourself.

Focus on self-development and pursuing your passions, and you will come across as mysterious even if you are in a long-term relationship.

A Final note

To be mysterious, playfully withhold information about yourself. Share unexpected facts about yourself.

Embrace the many different and contradicting sides that are you, and allow all of them to flourish.

The more multitudes you have, the more mysterious and unpredictable you will appear.