When should a woman make the first move?

A pep-talk for getting the ball rolling

To make the move or to not make the move, as Hamlet famously asked himself. Just kidding. Kind of. Because it’s an important question. When should you, as a woman, make the move?

I was inspired to write this text when we saw this video of how Kate Hudson and Jimmy Fallon almost dated during Almost Famous.

Just friends?

It turns out even gorgeous Kate Hudson asked herself, does he like me or does he not like me? What the hell is going on here? Are we just friends, or is there something more between us?

No one made the move

Despite the fact that he and Kate Hudson spent a lot of time together, Jimmy Fallon was not brave enough to make the move. Nothing ever happened between them.

Maybe Kate Hudson should have made the move?

But she didn’t, and they never got together.

What do men think about a woman making the first move?

All the men we talked with during our interviews to research Herbriliantfriend.com told us they appreciate it when a woman makes the move.

They often had a story about that one time in their life when a woman made the move, and they told us what a delight and relief it was.

Men do like it when the woman makes the move

Josh told us that it’s sexy as hell when a woman makes a move. This girl I knew leaned in and kissed me, and that’s never happened before, and her confidence was just so charming.

Another guy, Hassan, said that he would never have gotten together with his girlfriend if she hadn’t made a move. I just never ever thought a woman like her would want someone as dorky as me.

We appreciate the things we work for

But despite this male reinforcement, there is reason to be thoughtful.

Because a man taking that leap of faith, to ask for a date, or lean in for a kiss, is exactly the kind of work that makes him appreciate you more than he otherwise would.

It’s not easy for a man to make the move

Making the move is such a vulnerable position for a man.

If he has to do it to get you, he will appreciate you more. He put his manliness at risk just to get you.

You might think this sounds old fashion, but it’s just human nature that we appreciate the things we have to work hard to obtain.

Is he into you?

Before you decide what to do, you have to figure out if he does indeed like you in a romantic way.

No worries. We wrote the ultimate guide with all the signs neatly listed. This will tell you, one time for all, about all the different ways to know that someone likes you.

Ask a friend for her opinion

Just have a friend help you check out his behavior, and you will know. How to tell if someone likes you.

If you have concluded that he likes you, but still nothing happens, should you take the matter into your own hands? Should you make the move?

Why is he not making the move?

That’s probably the frustrating question you ask yourself when the two of you are hanging out, having fun.

Kate Hudson probably asked herself that question. There is a couple of reasons for this. He might be too shy and too afraid of possible rejection.

A lot of guys are much shyer and more insecure than you could ever imagine. So if you are flirting with one of those guys, you should indeed make the move. Just go for it.

He might just enjoy the flirting

But there is also the possibility that he is attracted to you, but for some reason, he is not interested in taking your budding relationship future.

This can be because he doesn’t see things working out long-term, and thus he doesn’t want to get tangled in a relationship.

He just wants to enjoy some carefree flirting. After all, people like to flirt. Nothing wrong with that.

Make the move if you want to find out the truth

However, you will never be able to tell the difference between these two scenarios without making the move.

You have to decide if you are confident and brave enough to make the move. You also have to make peace with the possible rejection.

When should you, as a woman, make the move?

First of all, if you want to make the move, you should just go for it. You have nothing to lose, really. He might not like you, but that’s fine. Better to find out now about his true feelings, than months later.

Make the move with proudness

Think of it as an initiation rite to a braver, more confident version of yourself. This is especially true if he indeed turns you down. Just be proud of yourself. You have done something heroic.

It’s brave to expose your feelings. It’s equally brave to face rejection. Embrace the rejection and keep going.

Here are a couple of situations when you, as a woman, should make the move:

1. When your interest in him skews more toward sex

Women don’t do this often enough, but they should. It doesn’t even have to be about getting laid. The two of you can just have a nice make-out session. Nothing to lose, everything to win.

You become braver

Even if he turns you down, you can easily move on because you were not emotionally invested, to begin with.

With this free and fun approach to life, you will invite more sex and more romance into your life.

You will get more used to rejection, but you will also get fun experiences that you wouldn’t have gotten otherwise.

2. If he seems really shy and nerdy

If you are interested in a shy guy, it’s a perfect opportunity to challenge yourself.

Does he seem like the kind of guy that rarely gets the girl? Time to surprise him.

Even if he turns you down, you can move on, knowing that you have given his confidence a boost. That is in itself a nice gift to give to someone.

Go for it

Ask if he wants a kiss and see what he says. I promise your heart will beat fast, and your words will get stuck, but it will also be a lot of fun.

If you are wondering about more ways to make him yours, here is our article How to make a move on a guy.

3. When you want to get over him

If you are stuck in a friendship with a guy you like, and nothing has happened, sorry to break it to you. It’s time to stop playing around and be true to your feelings.

If you are romantically interested in him, be authentic about it. People subconsciously pick up on unauthentic behavior and dislike it. Don’t hide behind a veil of friendship. Challenge him and yourself; make a move.

By not knowing, you waste your time

Have you already spent months wondering if he likes you? Then it’s time to stop wasting time and find out what he wants.

In this kind of situation, we don’t make the move because we don’t want a “No.”

Rejection forces you to move on

We want to keep our hopes and dreams. But you need the “No” in order to move on. If this guy is not attracted to you, it’s time for you to stop flirting with him and start flirting with someone who wants you.

A Final Note

There are, of course, plenty of other occasions when you should make the move.

We often delay making the move because we want more time to win the other person over.

But the truth is, in most cases, he has already made up his mind. He knows what he feels.

The move can alter his feelings

On the other hand, our feelings are not set in stone. They change over time. And that’s the beauty of the move because it also has the potential to take a friendship and turn it into something more.

Move on and keep your fingers crossed

If you make the move and get a “No,” step back.

Give him space. Plenty of space. Give him weeks of space.

There is the possibility that he didn’t see you as an attractive, sensual being, but that the move can change how he regards you.

He might start seeing you as a sensual being

You showed him your sexual side, and he might react positively to this part of you.

This magic process will only happen if you give him plenty of space. So after the move, it’s time to move on. Go on a couple of dates, read our article “How to get over your crush” and go on exploring.

If the two of you were meant to be, he will make the move, the next time around.

Good luck, and enjoy the new, fun, brave version of yourself.