The secrets to strong friendships

How to achieve and maintain amazing friendships

The right friend will make your life a thousand times better. With an amazing friend by your side, your happy times will be so much more fun, and your sad times will be much more bearable. We all know that strong friendships are one of the keys to a long happy life, and yet we don’t spend enough time investing in our friendships and thinking about how to be a better friend.

Tips to help you strengthen your friendships

In this article, I wanted to tackle these questions and help you strengthen your friendships.

Wherever you are in your friendship journey, this advice will make your friendships stronger and more fulfilling. You will become a better friend. You will also be able to improve an existing friendship that might be lacking something.

Signs of a strong friendship

To be able to form a strong friendship, you need to know what a strong friendship looks like. One of the biggest signs of a strong friendship is that you feel fully supported by your friend.

Whatever happens, you know that she has your back. She is always watching out for you. If she criticizes some aspect of your life, it’s only because she wants the best for you.

You feel understood and optimistic

Another sign of a strong and healthy friendship is that you feel understood by your friend, and you leave most of your interactions feeling optimistic and energized.

The two of you appreciate each other

You also feel like she appreciates what you bring to the friendship and see you for who you truly are. She makes you feel incredibly good about yourself and happy to have found her.

If you wonder if your friendship is healthy or not, check out our article 7 signs of a toxic friendship.

How to attract strong friendships into your life

As we move through life, we lose and gain friends. Our friendship landscape shifts depending on our exact situation. Maybe you do not have as many friends as you would like right now?

Or maybe the friendships you do have don’t fulfill you the way you would wish they did?

Make more friends

If you are interested in making more friends, I highly recommend our article How to make new friends in your 30s.

We can all use a couple more friends. When you have more friends, you will have more possibilities to practice being a good friend and building strong friendships.

Be the friend you want to have

To attract strong friendship into your life, make sure that you are a great friend.

I mean, like an extraordinary one-of-a-kind amazing friend anyone would be happy to have in their life. Someone who always do something extra and are perceptive to needs and wishes other people might overlook.

Be attentive to your friends, and they will be grateful and loyal.

Give her your time and energy

The most common mistake of people who don’t have many friends or who don’t have strong friendships is that they don’t give enough.

They might talk too much or demand too many material things from the friendship, without giving enough back.

Give without expecting anything back

Make it a rule always to give more than you receive. Give freely of your time and be fully present when you listen to your friend. Spend time cooking for your friends or helping them in specific areas they need help in.

Make sure your battery is fully charged

We never forget someone who was there for us. To be that person, you sometimes have to set your need aside and act from a non-egoistic place, Many times you don’t get back what you give.

Take your strength from nature or creativity and not from other people; thus, you will have more to offer.

Strong Friendships and vulnerability

Friendship is an exercise for the soul.

You have to be vulnerable and let the other person in. You have to allow your friend to see the true you. Not everyone knows how to do this, and as a result, their friendship will not be as strong as it could be.

If you struggle to open up to other people, I recommend our guide How to be more emotionally available.

Be open and vulnerable

You have to let down your guard and tell your friend intimate things about yourself. Try and push yourself outside of your comfort zone when it comes to the conversations the two of you are having.

Ask deeper questions to your friend to get to know her. Aim at getting to know her deeper than most people have ever known her.

Tell her all the things you never say

Also, answer deep questions in her presence. She might not ask about your childhood or your secret desires, but you should still tell her.

The more you allow her to get to know the real you, the stronger your friendship will be.

Show her the depts of your being

Tell her things about yourself that don’t put you in a flattering light. Tell her things about yourself you wish to improve.

Invite her to step into your soul. Things might not work out between the two of you, but by being vulnerable, you allow her and you the possibility of forming a strong friendship.

Find out what makes your friendship unique

Another aspect of forming a strong friendship or improving an existing friendship is to find a lot of common ground with your friend.

Examples of this can be specific interests, activities, routines, or even just subjects of conversation both of you enjoy.

This is such a crucial point of strong friendships, yet many people forget exactly this.

Do practical things together

Find activities both of you enjoy doing.

This can be traveling, some sport or something as simple as long walks.

To form a strong bond, you don’t always have to talk. Sometimes doing activities build stronger connections between humans.

We grow closer to someone when we are faced with learning something new together, so, for example, taking a yoga class together will strengthen your friendship.

An intellectual friendship

You will also greatly improve your friendship by finding books, podcasts, and movies both of you enjoy consuming and debating.

After all, friendship is typically more on the intellectual side compared to a romantic relationship. Take an interest in the things that interest your friend and see if you can become interested in those things.

Ask her for recommendations

When she recommends a book or a song, make sure you follow through and immerse yourself in her recommendation.

This way, the two of you will increasingly get more things in common.

The more you can connect on an intellectual level, the stronger the friendship will be.

Humor and friendship

I can’t teach you how to be funny, or how to connect with someone by using humor. But I can say that the ability to laugh together and generally have fun together is something most people look for in a friendship.

A strong friendship should be intimate and serious, but there should also be plenty of room for playfulness and being funny.  

You can and should develop your humor

To be funny is, in many ways, to be brave, to say or do something unexpected and a bit risky.

If you want to develop your ability to be funny, I recommend watching some stand-up comedy. Humor is telling a story with a twist, even if it is just one sentence, and this ability is something that can be greatly improved by learning and training.

Consistency and friendship

To properly nurture strong friendships, you have to display a certain degree of consistency.

This is especially important at the beginning of a friendship. You have to show up and be present in the friendship over a period of time.

Be there for her

You have to be there for your friend and spend time on the friendship, even if you might have more pressing important things to do. To create a strong bond, you have to prioritize that friendship above other things, sometimes even above your own needs.

Prove your worth and allow her to do the same

You have to prove to your friend that you will be there for her. She has to prove the same to you. Thus, strong friendships can only develop if both of you are dedicated to the mission.

Have your own unique traditions

Create your own traditions to make your friendship stronger. Be consistent with the time you spend together. The beginning of a friendship needs much more attention than a friendship that has been going on for a long time.

Loyalty and friendship

Loyalty is a crucial ingredient of strong friendships.

Your friend has to be able to trust that everything she tells you stays with you. She has to know that her personality and secrets are safe with you and that you will not use the things she tells you against her.

Keep her safe

Never gossip about your friend, or tell her secrets to other people. She should have the feeling that you are her closest confidant.

Of course, for a healthy friendship to grow and develop, you have to feel the same way.

Make sure you tell her what things are important to you, and what qualities you value in a friendship.

How to make your friendships stronger

A friendship will grow stronger if you spend time nurturing the friendship. Dedicate some time to your friend every month.

This can be a Thursday coffee date, going to the movies, or a long phone conversation. Make sure you do things together that both of you look forward to doing. This way, the friendship becomes a reward rather than something that needs your attention.

Ask her how you can become an even better friend

You can also ask your friend in what way you could be a better friend to her.

You will find out the exact area that might need improvement by listening to her. To strengthen your friendship, tell your friend exactly what you like about her and what makes her so important in your life.

A final note

Your friendships should challenge you, stimulate you and inspire you.

To form a strong friendship, both people have to be dedicated to the project. But by being funny, vulnerable, and charming, you will increase the likelihood of people wanting to be your friend.

You should work on yourself to be a better friend and thus, in return, attract strong friendships from other people.