Should you lower your standards to get laid?

When your latest dry period is vaster than Sahara, is it time to just give it away to anyone?

Getting laid. As a woman, it should be easy. Lots of eager men around us. Lots of opportunities to get laid. You only have to answer “yes” to the question “Should you lower your standards to get laid?”

The world is full of available men

Men certainly think we have it easy. Just go to a bar and take your pick. If you chose a man who is single and not especially attractive, chances are he would be up for it.

And if he is not, you can always move on to the man standing next to him and try the same move, and so on, until you get someone who bites on the offer.

Why is it so hard for us to give it away?

There is only one small problem with this strategy. We, as women, don’t seem to be able to lower our standards. We need to feel at least some form of attraction.

Many of us need to feel a lot more. We can’t give it up to just anybody, even if it’s been months or even years since the last time we had sex. Even if we want sex. Like, really want sex.

If you are serious about having more sex this coming year check out our article How to have more sex.

To have sex or not to have sex

My last Tinder date tried to kiss me twice. He was up for it. He was also reasonably attractive, fit, and nice.

Nothing wrong with the guy.  

But despite a 6-month dry period, I just couldn’t. I couldn’t get over the big mole on his neck (pathetic, I know, I have moles myself, so it’s not that I have anything against them per se).

Instead, I spent the night alone

I went home. Alone. And tucked myself in bed, with a cup of herbal tea, and wondered if I should have lowered my standards. Maybe another glass of wine would have helped?

We keep ourselves in celibacy

I could have gotten laid. We all can. There are lots of horny men—only one problem. We would have to lower our standards. We would have to have sex with someone we don’t find especially attractive.

There are times when we do indeed lower our standard to get laid

Hear me out before you make an objection that you find it impossible to lower your standards. I believe we all can and know how to lower our standards. We have all done it at least once in our life.

Holiday sex happens

We often do it when we are on holiday or in a new situation. It’s easier to lower your standards when you are in an unfamiliar situation. And if you are like me, some of those times, the sex and the whole experience turned out to be great.

Thus, the question; should you lower your standards to get laid?

Before we decide, let’s look at some pros and cons about lowering your standard to get laid.

Pros with lowering your standards

1. You will have more sex.

2. Having sex rather than longing for it will give you a sexual confidence boost. You will become less desperate and more likely to attract someone way hotter.

3. Sleeping with someone makes us more attracted to them. In the process of giving it up, you might discover that there is far more to them than you first thought.

Cons with lowering your standards

1. The sex ends up not being especially fulfilling. It feels like masturbating with another body. Or worse, you will not enjoy it.

2. The person gets emotionally attached to you, and you feel like you have led them on, and you will eventually have to dump them. You might even become the ghoster. You will play with their feelings.

3. The person turns out to be an even bigger idiot than you first anticipated, and you have to live with knowing that.

Conclusion on should you lower your standards to get laid

After reading the pros and cons list, if you feel like the benefits outweigh the disadvantages, there are a couple of steps you can take to start the process. First, re-frame the question. Look at the whole thing less in a way that you are lowering your standards and more as broadening your horizons.

Be more flexible with who you are attracted to

You might think that you are only attracted to tall, dark-haired guys, thus ignoring all fair-hair shorter guys. But give them a chance. You didn’t like olives when you were a kid, and now you love them. Our tastes do change.

The only way to discover if something has changed is to try. We often have preconceived opinions about men, and it’s a good thing to push ourselves a bit outside of our comfort zone.

Don’t discharge someone as too ugly

Another thing that we should be addressing is that lowering your standards to get laid usually means sleeping with someone less attractive than you. And for some reason, many of us have problems doing this. But it’s ridiculous because beauty is only skin deep.

Look beyond the surface level

If you feel this way, try to judge the man in question based on his kindness and personality, not on his looks. Question your hubris. Don’t let your ego get in the way of pleasure.

A story about lowering your standards to get laid

Let me tell you another story. A friend of mine is the type who is not especially picky when it comes to men. As a result, she gets a lot of sex and amorous adventures.

When we went on a small cruise, she even slept with the captain. He was the sleazy type who probably had slept with a lot of women during his career, and tried to sleep with even more by means of cheap overused pick-up lines. This didn’t stop my friend.

He was far from the dream-guy

To give you some more insight into his personality, during the same trip, he tried to sleep with a 16-year old girl, despite being in his thirties. And without regard for my friend and her feelings.

I would have pretty much died of shame if I was her, but she took the whole situation with ease.

And this story has stuck with me ever since. I was amazed by her ability to separate sex from love and attraction. I wish I could be a bit more like her.

Time to lower your standards

To finally decide if you should lower your standards to get laid, think back to when you did lower them? How did it turn out? How did you feel? If you have successfully lowered your standards before, for example, when you were on holiday, it is time to give it a try again.

Regard it as an experiment

Just tell yourself that this time you will lower your standards to find out how that is working out for you. The answer is going to depend on the individual experience.

Are you unnecessarily hard on him?

Another thing that’s holding us back from sleeping with someone is the fact that he doesn’t fit into our social circle. He is just not the same type of person as we are.

To check that it’s not social pressure or fear of consequences that get in the way, ask yourself the following questions:

1. If the world was ending in one week, would you sleep with him?

2. If you could sleep with him and there were no consequences, no one would ever find out what happened, and you would not have to deal with the results. Would you sleep with him?

Additional tips for the skeptical

Did you nod along to the cons rather than the pros of lowering your standards to get laid? But do you still want more sex and adventure in your life?

There is only one solution; meet more men.

There is no way of getting around this. Go on at least one Tinder date (or similar dating app) a month. Or once a week, if you are up for it.

Find him where he hangs out

But don’t limit your search for men to dating apps since those can be a soul-crushing endeavor. Think about what your dream guy is doing in his life right now, be creative.

Check out our article How to enjoy being single for more tips on having fun and meeting interesting men.

Get out and mingle with the world

Go to the places where the kind of guy you want would go. Make friends with guys since they often have a lot of guy friends. Just make it a priority to get to know more men, all sorts of men. Be honest with yourself, how many new single men do you meet every week?

If the answer is one, try raising that number and take time to talk to new people you meet. If you never open up, you might miss all the gold sprinkled around you.

A Finale Note

Take an honest look at your standards. If your standards are too high, just try lowering them a bit and see what happens—no need to engage in sex if you don’t feel up for it. Go for a coffee with someone you are not attracted to. Try thinking about his good qualities.

Life is an experiment. Sometimes we take it too seriously. Lowering your standards to get more sex shows life that you are game for some more fun.