We take a look at the truth
You are seeing this new guy, and everything seems to be going great. Well, until one day when you notice that the last time he was active on his dating app was one hour ago. WTF, you are almost choking on your almond croissant. You know he likes you, so why is he still online dating?
1. Love scares him
You know what, for most people (especially us single people) nothing is scarier than discovering that we have caught feelings for someone.
All of a sudden, all your anxiety comes rushing to the surface.
Men feel this as well; what if she does not like me? What if I’m not good enough for someone like her?
Options curb the anxiety
The best way to deal with all that fear and doubt is to ensure yourself that you have options.
Many men stated that this was just part of online dating, if things don’t work out with this girl, they want to have a couple of backups.
Online dating is fickle
Meeting someone online is a little bit different, there is no common friend group that will hold you accountable.
I think we have all been dating someone, thinking everything was fine and all of a sudden, that person stops answering our texts.
To deal with unexpected rejection, he keeps his dating profile active.
2. He is not sure about your feelings
The explanation for why he is still online dating could be as simple as the fact that he thinks you are still online dating.
You haven’t told him that you like him. He doesn’t know where he stands with you. For all he knows, you can be one of those people fond of ghosting.
His action might be a direct result of your actions, which brings me to my next point.
3. You haven’t stated that you want exclusivity
It’s time the two of you have the talk.
If you are spending your evening googling “If he likes me, why is he still online dating,” newsflash; it’s time to tell him what you want.
He is not a mind reader, your dates might be amazing, but most people are cautious.
If you want him, go ahead and make your intentions clear.
Ask him how he views your relationship. How does he see the two of you in the future?
Keep your cool
You might protest and tell me that it is too early to have the talk, you barely know each other.
I concur, you are right, there is a reason why we have to play hard to get.
You want to make sure that he feels that you want him for who he is (not because you have a man-shaped hole in your life.)
And to properly do this, you first need to get to know him. You cannot commit until you know he is a good match for you.
If this is the case, don’t worry that he is still online dating, trust the fact that he likes you.
4. He is not there yet
Let’s say that you have hinted (and not in a subtle way) that you are indeed looking for a serious relationship and that you think he is what you have been looking for.
He knows you are ready to take the next step, and yet, he is still online dating.
He might need some extra time
Does this mean he is the wrong man? Not necessary.
People fall in love in their own phase.
That someone is slow to develop feelings could be a good thing. It could even mean that they are confident and grounded. They will not just jump into a relationship with anyone.
Is he falling in love?
If he is very sweet and reassuring in your interactions, he might just take a long time to develop deep feelings. Give him space and he will realize what a gem he has found in you.
You can also take a look at my article How To Decode Him – 17 Signs He Sees You Long-term.
Check in with yourself
How long time you are prepared to give him is entirely up to you.
I have seen men dating for a year before they finally decide that the woman in question is the one.
The important thing is that you don’t sacrifice too much of your needs.
If you are intimate with him, asking for exclusivity is reasonable and a request most people would understand.
5. He is a player
This is probably the reason you fear, right?
He is one of those men who like women, all sorts of women. And what he likes most about women is their sweet bodies.
He also likes to move around and savor different kinds of women. Online dating has given this Don Juan an opportunity unique to mankind.
He is just sweet-talking you, he has no intention of settling down.
You cannot rush the process
The truth is that even if he is a player, he will still settle down at some point.
Reflect on which qualities in him you like. This way you will put the focus back on the question if he is the right man for you.
Instead of trying to prove to him that you are a catch for him. You should do the picking. Not waiting to be picked.
Communication is key
If you still feel insecure in the relationship, you have to communicate. Most people are honest, if you ask them where you stand, they will tell you.
6. He needs a lot of validation and attention
He might not be a Casanova.
In fact, it might be the opposite; he was never popular with women and now he is insecure as a result. Many former nerds fall into this category.
Read my article Signs of Insecurity in a man, for more information.
Online dating apps are addictive
Getting sexual validation from a bunch of strangers might be a bit of a drug for him. He likes you, but he also likes the way the apps make him feel confident and desired.
This man usually has no bad intentions. If you just give him time and love he will make the right conclusion on his own, and he will get off the apps.
7. It’s a defense mechanism
Keeping your options open can be a healthy way to deal with dating, but it can also mean that he struggles with love and relationship.
Check out my article Confessions of an emotionally unavailable man.
Maybe fear of intimacy is the driving force behind why he is still online dating, despite the fact that he clearly likes you.
It’s called deactivating
This sweet and wise lady has a name for that feeling when we have strong feelings for someone, but still is compiled to flirt and pursue another alternative.
She calls it deactivating.
When we are in an infatuation mood, we are activated. We try to get away from our feelings by deactivating.
He has an insecure attachment style
When someone with an insecure attachment style develops feelings for someone, they can be very loving one day only to withdraw the next day.
This is commonly known as hot and cold behavior. It can be very confusing to be on the receiving end of this behavior.
To keep online dating and at the same time telling someone you like them is a classic example of going hot and cold.
If you want to pursue this relationship, read my article When He Pulls Away Do Nothing, for tips on how to handle the situation.
8. He likes his freedom
I got to keep it real with you, many people in today’s society like to be single. They associate relationships with being tied down.
As long as he perceives that he can have both you and his freedom, he will be cool. But if you force him to choose, he might choose his freedom.
He has goals he wants to achieve
Some men are simply not ready to settle down. It’s just not the dating apps, he probably wants to travel, do amazing things, and become more advanced in his career.
He is not ready for a long-term committed relationship
He feels he is too young to pick the woman he will spend the rest of his life with.
Regarded like this, his behavior makes much more sense.
I’m going to take a wild guess and say that he himself feels conflicted. He does genuinely like you, he is thinking about what a future with you will look like.
He simply hasn’t made up his mind yet.
9. He doesn’t like you as much as you thought
You seem pretty confident that he likes you, and still, you are worrying that he is online dating.
Maybe the reason why he hasn’t jumped the single ship is that he simply doesn’t like you that much.
He treats you well
When you date someone you don’t have a clear view of their baseline, he might be a very warm and affectionate person.
You, naturally, interpret this as a sign that he likes you. But you could be wrong. He might be a person who is simply good at making other people feel liked. Once again, communicating with him will give you your answer.
How to deal with the man who likes you, but is still online dating
There is no saying how a given relationship will develop, some men who have been single or even a player for 10 years finally find a woman that captures their heart.
With her, he is prepared to commit.
In an inspired moment, he deletes the dating profile he has had since his teenage years.
When you enter a dating situation you cannot know the outcome, you have to throw yourself off the cliff. Hope for the best and grow from the worst
Allowing him to take his time
In the spirit of generosity, give him all the time he needs.
Instead of wondering where the relationship is going, stay present at the moment.
Enjoy the things he has to offer you. Ask him deep questions, laugh at his jokes, and bring him along on your adventures.
Take your power back
Give him the sense that he might get you or he might not get you. You haven’t made up your mind yet.
Women who are not trying to force a relationship actually have a higher chance of achieving a relationship with those kinds of men.
There is nothing wrong with being picky
One of the reasons why he is still online dating is that he doesn’t want to form a relationship with the wrong person. Who we choose as a partner will have a huge impact on our overall well-being.
He is justified in taking his time to vet you.
If you truly care about him, you wouldn’t want him to commit to the wrong person.
In fact, you should be picky as well.
Stating your boundaries
Having said all of the above, let’s take a look on the flipside; it’s called boundaries.
You should do what feels comfortable and good for you. You shouldn’t overextend yourself just to “catch” a man.
If your confidence is not genuine, his subconscious will be able to pick up the incongruency.
You cannot fake being carefree.
Consider yourself
Reflect on who you are and what you want. Communicate your needs clearly and see how he responds. Being able to set boundaries is an important part of being a confident person.
A Final Note
The reason as to why he is still online dating if he likes you is most likely a combination of a couple of the reasons above. People are multifaceted, we don’t only have one reason for our actions.
Moa Ailert is the founder and editor-in-chief of Her Brilliant Friend.
She has a bachelor’s degree in philosophy and plenty of insight into human psychology from traveling and living in different places around the world.
Moa is currently based in Portugal where she has a guesthouse; Villa dos Irmaos.
She has various websites, among others Ericeira Insider, but Her brilliant friend is her true passion project.
