I want to leave my boyfriend but I love him

We help you do the necessary soul searching

You have a boyfriend; he is a great guy, and you love him. Despite this, you are not sure about the relationship. Lately, you have been thinking about ending things. You have been saying to yourself; I want to leave my boyfriend, but I love him. You have been looking at this equation, and you have been trying to make sense of it all.

You doubt yourself

I can sense that you have doubts. Should you stay or should you go? Before you go ahead with the breakup, let’s get together and do some soul-searching. Your relationship tells a story about you. The reason why you are in this situation is a big learning opportunity for you.

Let’s find out what’s going on.

Why do you love him?

Let’s start with the positives first. Love is a beautiful thing. The fact that you are capable of loving another human is a quality worth cherishing.

Think about all the reasons you love him. Also, take some time and think back to when you first met him and when the two of you got together.

Why was he the guy for you?

What were the qualities that drove you towards him in the first place? Why did you choose him? Ask yourself why those feelings you had, in the beginning, have changed?

Did he change? Did you change?

What parts of your relationship are not like you imagined they would be when you embarked on this journey?

Is it you?

Sometimes when we have someone’s love, we start to take him for granted. Before you leave your boyfriend, you want to ensure that you are not the problem. Are you expecting too much from your feelings?

What mistakes did you make?

Do you want to understand what mechanism put you in this situation to begin with?

You would want to figure this out, so you don’t repeat the same mistakes over again.

The people you invite into your life are signposts of what’s going on within you. The choices you make are not random. They give you a lot of information about yourself and what you think you deserve.

Also, if you break up with him without understanding your reasons, you are much more likely to regret your decision.

Why do you want to leave him?

The next question you have to ask yourself is, why do you want to end the relationship? The more clearly you can answer this question, the better you will feel about the breakup.

Do grab a pen and paper and write down your reasons.

In what way is he not capable of satisfying the needs you have in a romantic relationship?

The reasons you come up with will be important to remember a couple of months from now. This will help you when you feel regret over the decision.

When you love someone breaking up with him can be hard. After all, you do love him. You have to be very accurate when describing why the relationship isn’t working for you.

Love doesn’t equal a relationship

When you think about the fact that you love your boyfriend but still want to leave him, the most important thing you have to remember and accept is that just because you love someone, that doesn’t mean you should be in a relationship with them.

Your relationship is crucial for your overall well being

A relationship is a serious thing. For a relationship to truly work, you and this other person have to be compatible on a lot of different levels. It is not a decision you should take easily.

Who you choose as a partner is the single most important decision for your overall happiness.

You should also not be in a relationship because you are afraid of being alone.

Make sure you are in the right relationship

When we are in a romantic relationship, it takes up a lot of our time, and blocks us from doing other important things.

Read our article Relationships are overrated to understand more about how this works.

You might think it’s not a problem to stay in an unsatisfying relationship, but if it’s the wrong relationship, you are, in fact, wasting your time. Your time is the most precious resource you will ever have. Spend it wisely.

Love and boredom

So, let’s address the elephant in the room; after the initial infatuation wears off, you start to see things more clearly.

When we fall in love with someone, our bodies get flooded with happy hormones. To put it simply, we get high. When we are in love, the other person seems like the most amazing human who has ever existed. Everything the two of you do together is upper-fun and exciting.

Your sex life is usually off the charts. Basically, the chemistry of your body conspires to get you hooked on a monogamous relationship.

Reality can be a harsh wake-up call

Only months or years later, when the high wears off, you discover that reality is a lot greyer.

Your boyfriend is just another normal human being with negative sides. Being in a relationship can actually be pretty boring, even if you love the other person.

Love and toxic relationships

When you are stuck thinking, “I want to leave my boyfriend, but I love him,” the reason for this can be that your relationship is toxic.

The main signs of a toxic relationship are; 1. The highs are very high, and the lows are very low. 2. You don’t recognize yourself anymore. 3. You never know what to expect from your partner. 4. You are constantly adjusting your behavior to his moods.

To check out nine more signs of a toxic relationship, read our article 13 signs of a toxic relationship.

Get out of a toxic relationship

To get out of a toxic relationship, you will need a lot of knowledge. You will also have to become clear about why you got stuck in this particularly toxic relationship.

What about you drew you to this situation? What beliefs do you have about yourself that made you vulnerable to his charm?

Only by answering these questions can you free yourself from your destructive love. If you recognize yourself in this situation, read our in-depth guide Ending toxic relationships.

You might break up with him and still feel unhappy

If you are unhappy with your relationship, the chances are that you are also unhappy with yourself and with parts of your life.

Breaking up with your boyfriend might be part of the solution, but most likely, a lot of your problems will still be there even if you end your relationship. Be prepared for this.

Regardless of what you decide, your unhappiness is something you should try and deal with.

Who are you?

Take some time and think about who you are. Forget about your boyfriend. Don’t dwell on his presence in your life. Instead, focus on yourself and this life that is ultimately your own.

What are you passionate about?

Ask yourself the big questions; what is important to you? What would a perfect day look like for you? What do you want to achieve with your life? Have you found your passion and your life purpose?

The answer to those questions will be your guideline for how you need to improve your life. Don’t accept unhappiness as a natural part of your life. Try to make yourself happy. I know you can do it.

To be alive is an amazing thing. You just have to find out your own unique way of existing.

Accept your sadness

If you choose to leave your boyfriend, even if you love him, one thing I can guarantee for sure is that you will miss him.

Over time, the things you didn’t like about him and the relationship will fade away.

You will realize that some of the problems with the relationship were your problem. You will become happier, and it will be tempting to want to share that happiness with this person you happen to love. You might even be tempted to get him back.

Don’t cause unnecessary pain

To handle the breakup the right way, you will need our guide How to break up with your boyfriend. Using this guide will help you see things clearly and cause the least amount of pain for your boyfriend.

Go back to your list

When you feel this doubt, remind yourself (the list will come in handy) why the relationship didn’t work out. Focus on logic rather than feeling. Love doesn’t concur everything, (that’s a romantic myth.)

It’s the love you have for yourself that should lead you through life. It’s your passion that will make you happy. Egoistic as it might sound, this life is all about you and your choices.

This form of love, the love you have for your life, is the most important love. All the other love is just a bonus.

A Final Note

When you ask yourself why do I want to leave my boyfriend even though I love him, it’s important to understand yourself and your feelings. Only by doing so can you grove as a human.