I have nothing to offer in a relationship -How to fix this mindset

The offer of you is enough

You are not born witty, charismatic, and with a great ability to listen to the people around you. Instead, you are born small, helpless, and with the ability to adapt and learn. You grow up, and you learn everything you need to know to survive. Unfortunately, you also adopt some misconceptions about yourself. For example, that you have nothing to offer in a relationship.

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What you offer in a relationship is never the material things. Instead, you offer your personality, your love, and your kindness. All of those things can be improved. If you feel like you have nothing to offer in a relationship, you probably struggle with a lack of self-esteem.

You need to improve your self-esteem

The way you view yourself and the world is not objective. You think things are much worse than they de facto are. The upside is that there are many ways to fix this mindset. Your self-esteem can be improved, and working toward doing so is a worthwhile pursuit. It can even be fun from time to time.

We have a long winding road in front of us. Don’t look back, don’t think too much about the future, instead put one foot in front of the other and let the journey begin.

Be Kind

Do you know what other people want the most from the people around them? The answer is simple, even easy; they want kindness.

This is true in relationships with friends and family as well as in romantic relationships. I’m sure you are able to offer kindness, so the fact is that you do have something to offer in relationships.

Extend this kindness to yourself

Since you are googling, “I have nothing to offer in a relationship,” I’m going to take a wild guess and say that you are not particularly kind to yourself. So, when you want to change this mindset, the first thing you have to do is to be kinder to yourself. Don’t put yourself down.

Every time you have a negative thought about yourself, gently replace that thought with a positive thought.

Examples of positive thoughts can be; I do my best considering the circumstances given to me. I am resilient. Whatever I am is enough. 

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None of us are interesting, intellectual, and stimulating on our own.

We all need input from other people to become a fascinating company. The best way to actually have something to offer in a relationship is to think bigger thoughts. I’m just going to throw it out there, and you might object, but studying philosophy is going to force you to be an intellectual whirlwind.

I recommend reading Sophie’s world, for a playful introduction to the world of philosophy.

Empathy is the solution

Also, read Sophie’s choice. That novel will make you less hard on yourself. At least you will never have to make the choice she had to make. You want to know her choice, well, you have to read the book.

Through reading, we become more empathic and more interesting. Thus we have more to offer the people around us.

Analyze the books you do read

To have more to offer in your next relationship, pick out a couple of books you want to read and follow through. Do exactly this, but also challenge your perception of those books.

Ask yourself questions about the books and what they tried to teach you. Reflect on your new knowledge.

Work on your self-esteem

Working on your self-esteem is not as abstract as some people think. It’s actually very easy and doable.

You improve your self-esteem by setting a goal for yourself and achieving that goal. The goal can be very simple, but it should be something new that you normally don’t manage to do. The goal doesn’t have to be ambitious. It could be something as straightforward as growing a herb garden, reading a book, or going for a walk.

The process will teach you to trust yourself

The goal is in itself not as important as learning the process of setting a goal and achieving that goal. This process is very simple, but it’s also something people struggle with, and this struggle undermines their self-esteem.

When you repeat this process enough times, you gain the ability to achieve bigger and bigger goals, and you become a person who is in control of your life.

You learn to trust yourself.

A confident person takes care of themself

Self-confidence is about trusting yourself.

Self-confidence is about trusting your ability to take care of yourself. When you become better at taking care of yourself, you will realize that you have a lot to offer in a relationship. When we are able to take care of ourselves, we have excess energy to give to other people. Thus, we have something to offer them.

You are enough for yourself

You are valuable, not for what you do or what you have to offer, but simply by being you and bringing to the relationship all the things that are unique to you.

Check out our article How to appear more attractive as a woman for more advice on how to increase your self-esteem.

A relationship won’t make you whole

If you feel strongly that you don’t have anything to offer in a relationship, you are bound to end up in a relationship with someone who shares that sentiment.

Your partner will also believe that you don’t have anything to offer in a relationship. Or that you don’t have enough to offer in a relationship. Basically, you will choose the wrong partner and, by doing so, undermine your sense of self-worth.

If you have this pattern in previous relationships, read our article When you are the one who loves the most, to better understand yourself in these kinds of situations.

Take a break from romance

Wait to pursue a relationship until you have a better relationship with yourself.

Take a year off dating and romance and focus on yourself and the things that are important to you.

Having a relationship is not an achievement in itself. You can and should be happy on your own. Only when you have achieved this are you ready to find a relationship.

Being alone is actually a beautiful thing if you spend your time improving yourself and doing the things you are passionate about. Read our article How to enjoy being single for additional tips.

We all have our unique challenges

Doing research for this article, I discovered that many people who struggled with the question “I have nothing to offer in a relationship” suffers from chronic illness.

Being sick is a very lonely place. Suffering from an illness that is chronic even more so. This might make you feel like you have nothing to offer. But most people have health challenges, one way or another.

We are all self-critical

So, when you start scratching the surface of another human, you might discover that you have more in common than you first thought. That person might also feel that he has nothing to offer in a relationship.

Most people who are healthy understand and accept that your sickness is not you. It is part of you, but it doesn’t define you.

Make sure you fill up on self-esteem

So, if you have some form of health problem, mental or physical, or a chronic illness, don’t think that love is not for you. Love is for everyone.

Struggling with your health will drain your self-esteem, so it’s important that you actively work towards improving your self-esteem.

Don’t accept the way you look at yourself today as the way you will always look at yourself. By improving your self-esteem, you will realize that you have all sorts of things to offer the right person, including that witty humor of yours 😉

Improve the areas that need improvement

Is there a particular area of your life that you are unhappy with? Is it your work? Your education or the place where you live?

Because all those areas are changeable, and they will change greatly during your life. You can and should be in control over that change.

I don’t claim that improving a problem area will magically make you feel like you have things to offer in a relationship. Because this mindset of not being worthy is something you carry whit in you and won’t change regardless of how successful, rich or skinny you become.

A lot of people feel inadequate

You could be Marilyn Monroe, and you would still feel you have nothing to offer in a relationship. In fact, Marilyn Monroe herself often felt like she didn’t have enough to offer in her relationships. Isn’t that ironic?

Having that said, being unhappy with an area in your life and working towards improving that area is a fruitful part of life.

By working towards improving yourself and your life, you will feel in control. You will also realize that everything is in constant change.

A Final Note

A relationship is not about offering something specific to another person. No one else is the judge of your value. A relationship is about opening up and connecting with another human.

What you have to offer doesn’t even come into play. You offer yourself. You offer your soul. For the right person, this will be more than enough.