How to get your ex-boyfriend back

What you need to know and what you need to do

According to Google statistics, how to get your ex-boyfriend back is certainly a popular question.

It seems like all of us, at one point in our life, wants to get our ex-boyfriend back.

How to get him back

To achieve your goal, you have to increase your value by making positive changes in your life. Allow plenty of time to pass and forget about your ex-boyfriend and his life. Go on a journey instead of contacting your ex-boyfriend.

Lastly, create a platform that allows you to spend time with your ex-boyfriend so that he has a chance to see the new, improved version of you.

Become a stronger version of yourself

Sounds good, right? But before I start describing the steps in more detail, I want you to do some soul-searching. If you are determent to succeed with your mission, you have to reflect deeply on your motivation. Otherwise, you will act from a place of neediness, and you will not succeed.

When you want your ex-boyfriend back, ask yourself these two important questions:

The first question you have to ask yourself is, why do you want him back?

The second question you have to ask yourself is, do you really want him back?

Reflect on those questions

Take some time, go for a walk, listen to your favorite music, and try to come up with answers to both questions.

Spoiler alert. You shouldn’t want to get your ex back.

It’s a natural reaction to want him back. When we lose something, we want it back.

But in this case, it’s not a healthy reaction.

Exactly what is it you want back?

When you are thinking about getting your ex back, you probably think of those first blissful months. During that time, you really felt that you had met The One. Your search was finally over. You could easily imagine the two of you sharing a bright, fun future.

You don’t want the pain back

When you think about getting your ex back, what you probably don’t want to get back to is those last months (or weeks) when everything was falling apart. The pain and frustration of feeling him slipping away, no way you would want that back.

You want to get the good parts back.

Love is an extremely powerful emotion

The experience of falling in love is such a strong emotional push. When we fall in love, we are overwhelmed by our feelings and our joy. Having lots of sex doesn’t hurt the situation either.

When you break up, it’s hard to free yourself from that first rush of emotion when you were falling in love in the first place. It takes time.

Make sure you do want him back

Do you think it’s not possible to get over your ex?

Check out our guide How to get over your ex fast. Do the recommended exercise, even if you are certain you want your ex-boyfriend back. I guarantee that doing the exercise will make you getting him back much more likely 😉

Because the exercise will give you some well-needed perspective, and you will need that perspective to proceed.

OK, you have done your soul search, and you still want him back. Let’s do it!

1. Increase Your Value

Everyone has a value. I know it sounds harsh. A person’s value is basically their accomplishments and how happy they are with their life.

To increase your value, the only thing you have to do is make positive changes in your life.

Take some time and think about the best decisions you made so far in your life. Ask yourself why these decisions have given you a much richer and more satisfying life. It helps to write down the answers.

Examples of things that increase your value

Examples of this can be; Great friends who you enjoy spending time with and who inspire you. Intellectual achievements, for example, improving your education or writing a screenplay.

An exercise routine that is also a lot of fun, rock climbing or salsa dancing. A good self-care routine, for example, a meditation practice that makes you calm and present.

Make positive changes in your life

After thinking of the positive changes you have already made, continue on this splendid road you are already walking on. Continue to improve yourself and your life.

Be inspired by a high-value person

To further increase your value, think about someone in your circle that you think has a high value. A person who, in your mind, anyone would be happy to be dating. Or you might think their spouse is a real lucky one.

Then spell out to yourself why you think this person has a high value. Mimic what this person is doing and what it is about them that makes you respect them. Steal all those great qualities shamelessly.

2. Allow Time to Pass

After a breakup, it’s important to take the time to heal.

Being in love with someone is a bit like having a drug addiction. And now you have gone cold turkey.

Re-build yourself

You need time to get to know who you are without your drug of choice. You also need time to stop being addicted. Consider this a bit of rehab for your body and soul. Live healthily. Exercise. Learn a new skill.

Be strong. Focus on yourself. Take time to think about what kind of person you want to be. Take action.

Forget about your ex-boyfriend and his life

Don’t check in on your ex-boyfriend. Delete or block him from all social media. Try to forget about him. This is not going to be easy, but the more vigilant you are, the greater the chance you will get him back.

Give him plenty of space to get over negative emotions

The more time that passes, the more your ex-boyfriend will forget about all the negative emotions connected with you. That’s how the human brain works.

We forget the pain and remember the pleasure. So give your ex-boyfriend enough time, and he will remember everything that was good about your relationship and everything that was great about you.

Everything that was bad will fade away.

3. Be Honest About the Relationship

Unfortunately, the same mechanism mentioned above will happen to you. You will forget how bad he sometimes made you feel. You will forget all the problems and the struggle and the heartache.

For this reason, it’s important to write down a lot of things about your relationship when the feelings are still fresh and raw.

A bad relationship is addictive

There are many destructive relationships, and a destructive relationship is its own form of addiction. Be honest and ask yourself hard questions. Were you happy during the relationship? If you didn’t get your needs met, why would you want to be in the relationship?

Was it the right relationship?

We are not directly responsible for the person we fall in love with, but you can be sure that your subconscious is, in fact, responsible.

If you keep falling for the wrong guy, it’s a sign that you don’t love yourself enough to think you deserve a healthy, loving relationship.

How do you treat yourself?

Don’t you think you deserve more? Was your relationship the kind of relationship you would want for your best friend? If not, why would you want it for yourself? Dig deep within yourself to find the answer to those difficult questions.

Here is our guide to Should you get back together with your ex. Read it. It’s a real eye-opener.

Try therapy to improve yourself

If the answer to those questions is an overwhelming sadness, start therapy.

Working on your mental health is just like working out. It takes a lot of effort, and it’s not always pleasant. But you always come out stronger on the other side.

Take him off the pedestal

If you don’t do this step, you will always put your ex on a pedestal. And as long as he is on the pedestal, you will be the one who does the chasing. Don’t chase. Knock him down from the pedestal.

4. Don’t Contact Your Ex-boyfriend

This is absolutely crucial. All -get your ex back- programs agree on this important strategy.

Let me explain how it works. He will not start missing you if he thinks he still has you.

He will know, for sure, that he can get you back. He asked for a breakup. Make sure you do indeed give him a breakup.

Step away from the fire.

Take the time to focus on yourself

Not contacting him is important, even if you were the one who broke up. Both of you need time to heal, regardless of the specifics of your situation.

If he keeps contacting you, tell him that you need some time before you can be on friendly terms. Let your ex know that you need time and space, don’t specify the period. After this, don’t answer his texts and calls.

Instead, go on a journey

During this time, it’s absolutely essential that you don’t have any contact with your ex.

Most people recommend three months, but I would recommend six months. Because six months gives you plenty of time to get someone out of your system; remember the drug analogy?

Now it’s the time to detox.

Re-discover the world

Take time. Enough time to go on a journey, I mean an actual journey. Make sure you do something you always wanted to do. Go see a new place.

Every time you want to reach out to your ex-boyfriend, remind yourself that the longer you stay away, the bigger the chance that he will come back.

5. Consider your own Shortcomings

It takes two to tango. If your relationship ended, most likely, the reason was a combination of what you did and what he did.

Your ex-boyfriend cannot be solemnly responsible for everything that went bad. And if he is, why would you want him back?

How can you evolve?

Don’t put yourself down. Just reflect a bit on your behavior. Ask yourself what you could have done differently?

If this feels too painful, wait with this step until you are in a better place.

Try to grow emotionally. This step is essential. Because otherwise, you might get him back, but if you are the same person, the two of you will break up again.

6. Create a Platform

When you have done the above steps, it’s finally time to circle back to your ex-boyfriend.

This is going to be a tricky part of your quest. But not as tricky as changing your career and doing one year of intensive therapy, which I trust you have already done, if necessary.

To get your ex-boyfriend back, you need a platform. By platform, I mean some form of space where the two of you can meet. A face-to-face meeting is necessary.

We want what we see every day

It’s true that distance makes the heart grow fonder. But we do fall in love with what is right in front of us. If your ex-boyfriend has absolutely zero exposure to you, he won’t become attracted to you again.

To win someone back, you need the two of you to be in the same place, physically speaking.

A master plan

Take some time and try to figure out how you can make this happen. If the two of you are a good match, you should have plenty of common interests, and it should be natural that your life intervenes one way or another.

Be tricky. Be smart.

Be creative on how you make an entrance back in his life

Engage your inner Sherlock Holmes, and bribe Sherlock with a cigar or a new summer outfit to get him working on a master plan. Think fun rather than desperate.

A place you both go to on a regular basis will work.

If you can’t come up with anything, consider the possibility that you are not such a good match.

Arrange a meeting

You can also reach out to your ex-boyfriend and set up a meeting. This will not be as effective and is thus a last resort. Meet for something low-key, like a cup of coffee.

Ask him for help

Tell him that you need his advice on something or help with something. It should be something fairly easy and light. Use your imagination. Play into his masculinity. You know the guy; you know what he would want to help you with.

Additional tips that you will need to get your ex-boyfriend back

When you do meet, surprise your ex-boyfriend in a positive way. We like to think we know the people around us. If you surprise your ex in a positive way, he will have to change that notion of predictability. He will realize that things can indeed change.

Show him the new, improved version of you

Be easygoing and fun.

Take a couple of minutes and acknowledge the elephant in the room; your breakup. Hint that the decision was for the best. Don’t say this straight out. Just a couple of drops of reverse psychology will work.

Remember that we want what we can’t get.

Wait until you are ready

During this meeting, you really should be in a better mental space. If you are not, wait to arrange the meeting. The meeting will give you a way to show that you have evolved in a positive way.

Move on, even if you don’t want to

The more successful you are when it comes to moving on, the more chance you have of getting your ex back. This is ironic but an important point to remind yourself of every time you slip back into ex-boyfriend nostalgia.

You can’t fake being over your boyfriend. The truth will sip out. It always does in these cases.

Ex-boyfriends have a sixth sense when it comes to knowing if you indeed are over them.

Time to put yourself out there again

Start dating. You might not enjoy it, but it needs to be done. You can as well try and have fun, just regard it as a way of meeting new people and getting new perspectives.

Be a bit seductive when you run into your ex-boyfriend

When you do run into your boyfriend, throw in a bit of sex appeal.

Men are, generally speaking, very sexual creatures, so this is a language many men will respond to. Especially when it comes from a woman they once had and who they don’t have anymore. To become better at this, read our article How to flirt with a man.

This video is also a good watch. It will help you understand how anxiety works in a romantic relationship.

Will this really get you your boyfriend back?

To be honest with you, even if you do everything you can possibly do to improve yourself; go on a meditation retreat, walk the Inca trail, become a doctor, lose 20 kg… You get the picture.

You might not get your ex-boyfriend back

We can’t control other people.

The only thing we can control is how we react to them. We can also control what we choose to do with our own life.

If you do everything I outlined above, you might get your ex back. He fell in love with you for a reason. That reason still exists. The two of you still have something.

The other scenario is that you don’t end up with him. But by doing everything above, you will gain a better, more confident, version of yourself.

A final note

I can promise you that somewhere in the future, there will be a version of you that doesn’t want your ex-boyfriend back. This woman might not even remember him all that well. She has moved on. She is happy.