6 strategies and mind frames that will get you guy friends
Making new friends is a great way to expand your horizon and have more fun. Maybe you already have your fair share of female friends, and now you want to venture out and make guy friends. Excellent decisions, my friend. You are probably also wondering exactly how to go about how to make guy friends.
Follow these steps and you will find plenty of guys who genuinely want to be your friend.
1. Go where men are
The first step towards finding the right guy friend is to meet more guys.
Finding something, anything, is to a certain extent a numbers game.
For example, you simply get more job offers by sending out more applications. There is no way around this very basic and fair rule of life.
Join a meetup
You are not going to meet your new guy friends sitting in your apartment. So, go out and explore. Nowadays there are plenty of meetup groups in most bigger cities. Even in smaller towns, you can find all sorts of interest groups, such as the local dog shelter.
Make it a routine to attend something new once a week or once a month. This way you come in contact with more people and you naturally get more friends. The important aspect here is consistency. Meeting new people on a regular basis needs to become a natural part of your life.
Join the kind of events men would frequent
Don’t feel too awkward when you attend those events, everyone is there because they want to meet and connect with other humans.
Men, generally speaking, like events about entrepreneurship and how to make money, so make sure you check out a couple of those.
But even your local book club will attract its fair share of men. Nowadays guys are everywhere. Even in cooking classes.
Get a new hobby
In the spirit of brooding your horizon, I absolutely think this is one of the best ways to make new guy friends.
When you are immersed in learning something new, the connection with other humans comes naturally.
You laugh about your struggles and shortcomings.
Pick something that attracts a fair number of guys such as rock climbing or skateboarding. Also, make sure to pick something you always wanted to learn. If you don’t make new friends, at least you develop a new skill.
2. Be active
Women have an easier time just sitting down and talking and bonding through a deep conversation. Women can do this with someone they just meet. For most men, it takes a bit longer to warm up.
Be aware of the very specific male quality to bond over a common interest or activity. Men bond with each other while they are busy doing something else, for example, surfing or playing chess. Don’t expect deep conversations to be the way to make more guy friends.
Be passionate
Men are good at pursuing their passions. Most men usually have 2 or 3 things they are super into. You can make a new guy friend by joining him on his arena.
It should be something you are also really into.
When you have been doing this activity together for a while, your friendship will naturally deepen. The more passion you bring into this particular interest, the more men will like you and respect you. The more they will want to become your friend.
3. Utilize the friends you already have
Most friends meet through other friends.
It’s important to be aware of this mechanism so you can use it to your advantage.
When you already have common friends, this works as social proof.
Find men you have things in common with
Another reason is that friends are often similar when it comes to interests, lifestyle and political views. Thus, it is much easier to make new friends through friends you already have.
Is there a couple of guys in your friend circle you would like to get to know better?
Invite them to some fun activities and see if the friendship spark is there. By taking the initiative to actually do things, you greatly increase your chances to make guy friends.
Be intentional
On a similar note, when you are wondering how to make new guy friends you do have to put in an effort.
Much of what is worth having in life requires a certain amount of effort, especially if this area of your life is lacking. It simply means you haven’t put in the effort necessary to obtain this very specific thing.
Take the initiative
So, when you want to make new friends, be prepared to invite people to concerts, BBQs, and comedy shows. It will feel a bit vulnerable to put yourself out there. But that feeling only means you are on the right track; you are taking risks.
The result might not always be what you are looking for. Don’t take this personally. Finding and making friends is a lifelong pursuit.
4. Don’t flirt
So now we have covered some ground on how to make guy friends by meeting more people. But that’s only one aspect of having friendships with guys, the other aspect is your behavior.
If you are a woman who has a hard time making guy friends, it can be because you are a bit of a flirt.
Nothing wrong with being sexy and able to connect with men on that level. (Many women would like to be better at flirting.)
Be clear and be friendly
But if you want genuine guy friends, you have to change your behavior. You have to be better at sending clear signals. Those signals should be friendship signals.
Men can take even the smallest encouragement as a green light for romance.
To see if you are too flirty, ask if your potential guy friends often end up falling in love with you?
If yes, you need to work on this.
How not to flirt
Treat guys as you would treat your girlfriends. Be a bit gross, be funny and quirky. Downplay your sexuality and connect over other things. It’s important that you don’t try too hard to make them like you. Working to gain someone’s approval is already flirty behavior. Instead, be yourself and trust that the right guy will appreciate your friendship.
You can also ask some of your girlfriends or guy friends for advice about this. Most likely, it’s a couple of things you do that send the wrong signals. As soon as you correct those, you will be on your way to making more guy friends.
5. Be aware of potential romantic implications
Some men (and even some women) claim that women and men simply cannot be friends. One person always ends up developing feelings. Watch the movie When Harry Met Sally, for a fun take on this.
I don’t believe this to be true. By having friends of the opposite sex, we can learn a lot. Some of this new information we can even use in our love life. We become better humans by having friends of both sexes.
Having guy friends is fun and stimulating
My experience is that a mixed group has much more fun than a group with just men or just women. I don’t know why. It’s a kind of magic. But since you are asking how to make guy friends, I’m sure you already have thought about all the benefits.
You can also read our article How to make friends in your 30s, for more tips on how to make all sorts of friends.
Draw a clear line
Men and women can absolutely just be friends, but it is still important to address the subject of a possible romance. Don’t be afraid to mention the elephant in the room and make it clear that you only are looking for friendship. Men appreciate clear communication.
6. Don’t be too needy
I had to bring up this point, because I’ve often heard men mention this aspect. They complain that their female friends are too needy.
I believe this problem comes down to a bit of a misunderstanding.
Men generally rely less on their male friends for emotional closeness and practical support.
In fact, they often pretend to be stronger than they are to earn respect from their male friends.
Simply put; they are not especially needy in their friendships. Instead, they are self-reliant and independent. This behavior also reflects what they consider friendship to be.
Respect the male version of friendship
For women, the pure notion of friendship is to emotionally support each other. This support is often extended to helping each other with all sorts of practical things as well. For example, offering a friend to move in if they need housing or lending money to a friend in need.
So don’t over-rely on the male friends you do make, save that for your female friends. Make sure you don’t emotionally dump on your guy friends. This is simply not what friendships are about, according to most men. The exception to this is guy friends you’ve had for more than 5 years.
To become a better friend to both men and women, check out our article The secrets to strong friendships.
7. Make sure you have options
Making new friends is a little bit like dating. You will get rejected. You will want to meet up again, only to have the other person tell you that they are busy.
It’s important you don’t let those setbacks stop you from the very important mission of making more guy friends. Rome wasn’t built in one day. Making guy friends is a little bit tricky.
Don’t get too focused on the first man who comes around
So just as with dating, make sure you have options. Meet a lot of potential male friends. The search is part of the fun.
The important thing is that you consistently put yourself in situations where you meet potential guy friends. If you feel frustrated about your lack of friends, read our article I don’t have friends. Contrary to what TV shows like Friends make you believe, many people struggle in this area of their life. Many people dream about a circle of close-knit friends.
A Final Note
Since you made it this far, I wanted to take a moment and compliment you on your quest to make more guy friends. Connecting with men in this way will enrich your life. You will learn new things, have adventures, and have fun epiphanies when it comes to men in general. It is that simple. Men are great. They make great friends, once you got under their skin.
Moa Ailert is the founder and editor-in-chief of Her Brilliant Friend.
She has a bachelor’s degree in philosophy and plenty of insight into human psychology from traveling and living in different places around the world.
Moa is currently based in Portugal where she has a guesthouse; Villa dos Irmaos.
She has various websites, among others Ericeira Insider, but Her brilliant friend is her true passion project.
