How to get Supportive and kind Friends

Building deep and meaningful connections

A best friend or a group of inspiring and fun-loving friends? Whatever your need, I have the solution. Fulfilling friendships is one of the most important (and often undervalued) parts of a happy life. Finding supportive friends is an excellent mission.

Finding good friend

Let’s first take a look at how to get those loyal amazing friends that you are longing for.

If you scroll down, I will give you all the best advice on how to be a supportive friend.

One of the ways to get supportive friends is to be one.

Many people struggle to build great friendships

I want to start out this article by saying that it might seem like everyone else have lots of close friends, but the truth is that a lot of people simply don’t have the tools to build those amazing friendships tv-shows are so fond of depicting.

If you have a hard time finding friends, you are not alone.

Her Brilliant Friend

This widespread problem was one of the reasons why I created HerBrilliantFriend.com. I will do everything to support you on your mission to build lasting friendships.

To find out more about the underlying mechanics of friendship, read my article I don’t have friends.

Using these strategies for creating friendships

I will give you a lot of tips on how to create a strong connection.

What they all have in common is that you have to take the initiative; you have to take the lead.

By doing so you risk rejection, and that’s probably the reason you have been playing it safe in the past.

Don’t give up

Most of your bids for increased intimacy will be left hanging. That has nothing to do with you, a lot of people are simply too preoccupied to make friendship a priority in their life.

Don’t take it personally.

When the right person comes along, you will be glad that you put in the extra effort.

How to get supportive friendships

1. Make time for friendship

If you want to learn a new language you wouldn’t just simply go around with your life as you normally do, expecting your new language to happen automatically without any effort on your part.

Yet this is exactly how many people hope friendships will happen.

But the older we get, the more we need to make our budding friendships a priority.

Set aside time for nurturing your friendships

All great friendships start out with a small connection such as a shared joke or an inspired conversation. This is the seed of a possible friendship.

You water this seed by giving it attention. Invite your friend-prospect to activities, and focus on them when the two of you spend time together. Try to find out who they are and what makes them tick.

2. Make the right choice

The second thing to be aware of when you want supportive friends is that you do make a choice. Friendships don’t happen by accident.

You meet potential friends all the time, you are the one who decides whom to invest in. Sometimes this decision is completely subconscious and you need to make it a conscious one.

If you have a history of unfulfilling friendships, you simply have not picked the right candidates.

Just like with dating, you have to ask yourself which qualities you look for in a friend, you also have to evaluate if the person in front of you matches those qualities.

Who made the choice?

You have to make a choice, rather than allow other people to make that choice for you. if you struggle to form supportive friendships, ask yourself if you have done the picking?

Maybe you have gone through life accepting people who made an effort to become close to you, rather than actively choosing whom you want as a friend.

3. Ask your friend for the things you need

Since this is an article about supportive friends, let me get into one of the first rules of support; you can and should ask for support.

When you tell people what you need, most of them are surprisingly open to trying and meeting your need.

As humans, we want to be there for each other.

Ask her what she needs

When you express a need, it’s also an opportunity for your friend to ask for their need. Thus, you open up a dialogue when both of you can practice how to be more supportive.

Don’t be afraid to say; I really like you and I’m interested in deepening our friendship.

4. Find common interests

Most friendships flourish as a result of lots of commonalities. You can reverse engineer this process by actively looking for and creating commonalities.

You might have very little interest in salsa dancing, but if this is a big passion for one of your friend-prospects, join her in a couple of classes.

Take an interest in her interests

When you want to befriend someone, take a step into their reality. Explore their interests and they will feel your support.

If they have a favorite subject, such as true crime, allow them the space to talk about it.

By showing support, you, in most cases, get support back.

A lot of bonding happens when we are immersed in an activity we both love. So don’t always think that you need to talk to create a stronger bond.

5. Be there for people

We can all need a bit of help and support from time to time.

Yet we are all afraid to give this exact thing to our fellow humans. You can break this barrier of distance by being friendly and helpful to your acquaintances. Who knows, maybe one of them is a good match to become a friend?

Take the lead

The way to make new friends is to behave as a friend to people whom you barely know.

Be supportive of them, cook for them, or invite them to join you on one of your adventures.

6. Pick your battles

What I mean by this is that to find the right friends you also have to have standards.

You have to be clear about what you expect from a friendship and when your friend doesn’t live up to this you have to communicate those standards.

If the conversation doesn’t go well, this friend might not be a good match for you.

Don’t settle

Don’t fight too hard to keep someone in your life who should be there.

Instead trust your ability to make new friends and pick the right people for you, moving forward.

How to be a supportive friend

One of the best ways to get supportive friends is to be a supportive friend yourself. Let’s take a look at how this is done.

1. Validate their feelings

Being supportive is about making the other person feel seen and heard, you do this by telling them that you understand them.

Simply say; I understand why that would make you feel sad. (Insert suitable emotion.)

Just stay present and be with them in their feelings. Don’t try to offer advice or fix the problem. Simply listen. Try to understand where they are coming from.

2. Ask them about what they need

When people are going through a rough path, you can ask them what would help them. Maybe the answer is a hug or a dinner?

This way you practice being there for people in the way they want to be supported.

Not everyone shows their love the same way and not everyone experience feeling supported the same way.

Some people do genuinely want to be left alone, and that’s you best way to support them.

3. Tell them that they are capable

The third step is to tell your friend that you believe in her. Point out strong qualities you see in her. Also mention how she has handled similar problems in the past.

Being a supportive friend is about seeing how she is already enough. She got this. And you got her back.

Tell her what makes her great

Give her compliments on her capabilities. Tell her what impresses you the most about her.

We all deserve to hear exactly why we are great people and why we can handle the obstacles that come our way.

Being positive and full of positive reinforcement is one way to make your friends feel supported.

4. Become better at seeing people

We all want to be seen, this need is a deep and profound longing in all people. (Don’t ask me why.)

When you ask how to be supportive of your friends, this is one f the most important strategies. We make people feel seen by being present.

Our pure presence is the greatest gift to another human.

Give them your full attention

Listen attentively to your friend (And to your soon-to-be-friends), and practice being more present when you hang out with them. Truly savor their company. One way to do this is to ask them questions and get them to open up.

Read my article How to Be a Better Friend – 11 principles to live by, for more tips on how this is done.

Another way, that many people overlook, is to share who you are. Be more vulnerable with your friends and you will build stronger connections. Tell them your secrets, and share things you have never told anyone before. As a result, they will feel valued.

5. Celebrate their victories

A big part of being a supportive friend is to acknowledge your friend’s accomplishments. Did she get a new job or move into a new apartment?  

Be there to celebrate this milestone together with her.

Whenever she does something good or important, make sure you give it the proper attention.

A kind friend is someone who wants us to succeed and who is happy about our success.

6. Be there for her when she is feeling low

In this life of ours, we all have bad things happening to us. This can be losing someone close to us, breaking up a relationship, or losing our job.

This is the time when your friendships get tested.

Don’t shy away from the pain, instead step up your game and become an even bigger presence in your friend’s life. Call her when she needs someone to talk with, bring her out in nature, and do whatever it takes to help her.

If you have a friendship you want to deepen, being there for them in a time of need is a good way to achieve this. This strategy works on acquaintance as well. If you want to know more about the differences between the two, check out my article Acquaintance vs Friend – What Makes A Person Your Friend.

A Finale Note

Having supportive friends is one of the keys to your emotional well-being. Friends inspire you to go for your dreams, they share this strange journey with you, and they appreciate you for just being you.

We can all gain a lot by deepening the relationships we do have and creating new ones.

Let the mission begin.