How can I be a strong and independent girlfriend?

Learn how to be your own person in a relationship

I know how easy it is to get swept away by the love train when you first fall in love. The two of you do everything together, and you don’t need anyone else. But now it’s been a couple of months (or years), and it is time to reclaim your identity. Here, I present exactly what you must do to be a strong, independent girlfriend.

Life consists of a few key areas

Life is complex; it is also remarkably simple. You have a few different areas to deal with. For a balanced life, you need them all under control. You need to be reasonably satisfied in these areas. The 4 areas are friends/family, career, fitness regimen, and hobbies.

Being happy and invested in these areas will make you a strong, independent girlfriend.

Simple, right?

Sure, there are some extra areas that are also very important. We will take a look at them as well.

The microlevel of your relationship

Later on, we will take a look at how to be a strong, independent girlfriend in your relationship. But if you control all the key areas, your words and actions inside the relationship are less important. Someone who is happy with their life in general will also be strong and independent in their relationship. Simply put, they will not be overinvested in their romantic relationship.

The 4 key areas of your life

1. Career

Let’s start right at the heart of things. If you want to be strong and independent, you need to make your own money. Being financially independent is the most important factor in being independent as a whole.

When you make your own living, you can walk away at any minute.

Having your own money is the essence of being independent. There is no way around it. You need a loaded bank account and good control over your finances.

Having this part of your life in order, you are already 50 percent independent.

A sense of pride

A career is not only about the money; it is about the essence of who you are. We define ourselves through our actions.

(And other people judge us by them.)

Your career is your primary representation of you in the world.

It doesn’t matter if you are working at a gas station and going to nursery school in the evening; the important part is that you have a purpose.

You have a direction you are going in. You have goals and dreams and you are fearlessly pursuing those.

Knowing what you want out of life is the number one factor when it comes to being a strong, independent girlfriend.

Do you feel lost?

You might not know exactly what you will do with your life. Thats ok. The answer is not always clear. It will take some soul searching to reach the answer as to what the right path for you is.

Dream about your bright future

Close your eyes and conjure a picture of yourself five years from now. Everything is possible? If you could choose freely, what would your life look like? What would inspire you to wake up in the morning?

Get to know yourself and ask yourself the big questions, and eventually, you will have both a goal and a plan to get there. Also, make a plan for how you should financially support yourself when you are working towards your dream positions.

2. Friends and family

Most women who are too dependent on their partner make this one single mistake: they forget about their friends and their family.

So, if you want to be a strong, independent girlfriend, getting this single step right will win you half the battle.

The solution is surprisingly simple: Invest more time and energy in your friends and family and less in your partner.

Foremost, spend more time with them than you did before.

Make an effort to create a connection

Reach out to friends and go for a coffee. Sign up for a course and make some new friends. Tag along when your parents are buying new pieces of furniture. Cook a nice dinner as a support for your sister.

If your family is nice (this is not always the case), work actively towards strengthening your connection with them.

To get more tips, read my article How to get Supportive and kind Friends.

3. A good fitness regime

I find that a lot of people who are lost don’t do enough exercise. They are more in contact with their deep reflective side, and they like to complicate things.

This is a nice quality, but to be strong, you need to be physically strong.

The simple truths of life

Life is (sometimes) surprisingly simple; if you want to keep yourself mentally healthy, you only need to do three things: eat well and be healthy, sleep well, and exercise.

When you focus on these three things, everything else in your life falls into place.

As you are going about the treadmill, you get an insight into how to deal with a tricky situation at work.

As you wake up from a deep and satisfying sleep, you automatically reach out to an old friend.

Focus on only 4 things

I know, it seems too simple to work. But it absolutely does work.

Take a month and try it. Nourish your spiritual side by doing these three physical things for yourself: Sleep. Eat (healthy). Exercise.

4. Hobbies

You might not have the career of your dreams, but that’s ok. Because whatever satisfaction you lack in your work, you can make up for it through your passions.

What you are passionate about is not important. (It can be flower arrangements or toy soldiers.) The crucial part when you want to be a strong and independent girlfriend is that you have things you love doing.

An independent girlfriend is someone who knows how to entertain herself on her own. Don’t rely on your partner to bring you happiness.

When you are happy in your own company, you will automatically be more happy in your relationship.

Having an identity outside of the relationship will, in fact, make you more attractive to your partner. He will find you sexy and irresistible as a side-effect of you having a lot of passions that take you away from him. Every relationship needs oxygen to breathe.

If you don’t know what you love?

Once again, life is a joke, and we don’t have all the answers; if you don’t have enough things you are passionate about, just try different things.

You can also think back to your childhood and the things you liked doing when you were young and carefree.

Maybe you need to paint, or to create music?

7 other key concepts in your pursuit of being a strong, independent girlfriend

We have covered a lot of ground by going through the practical aspects of your life. But maybe your life is under control in all those areas, and you still don’t feel like an independent girlfriend; this is because what is going on between two people also happens on an emotional level.

1. Emotional dependency

You could have plenty of money and the best job in the world and still depend on your boyfriend. If you feel like you are not a strong and independent girlfriend, there is a risk that you are co-dependent.

To better understand yourself if this is the case, read my article Why do I love him so much?

Break free

Do you have difficulty making even simple decisions without asking your boyfriend? Do you often feel frightened by life? You break codependency by creating a stronger bond with yourself. You create this bond by meditating and journaling; this is about spending quality time with yourself and listening to yourself.

Combine this strategy with exposure therapy. Simply practice being on your own and making smaller decisions on your own.

2. Confidence

Confidence is a somewhat complex entity, because we can be very confident in some areas of our lives and insecure in other areas. But if you feel like you are not as confident as you would want to be, this is a good place to start.

Most people take away their confidence by having a negative inner monologue. How do you speak to yourself? What thoughts flow through your brain during the day?

Talk nicely to yourself

Having solid confidence is actually about the relationship you have with yourself. Be nice and encouraging to yourself and make a promise to yourself to abolish negative thoughts.

Sounds simple, right? But it really does work. It all starts with your mental landscape.

Learn more by reading my article I have nothing to offer in a relationship -How to fix this mindset.

3. Ability to make decisions

Do you ask your boyfriend about everything? what to make for dinner? Which dress to buy? If you should you join your colleagues for an after-work drink?

Observe yourself and make a note every time you ask your partner to make a decision for you.

The next day, it is time for some exposure therapy; just try and go through a whole day without asking your partner for help.

Practicing making decisions

The only way to learn to make your own decisions is to just make them; learning by doing.

You can also try to go through a whole day without asking your partner any questions whatsoever. Try it, it will be fun.

You can still instigate plenty of conversation, for example you can say: This is a nice meal. The weather looks great. I really like the facade of this building. Not asking any questions will force you to state an opinion of your own.

4. Regulate your emotions and self-soothing

Do you spend a lot of time talking with your boyfriend about your problems? Yes, it is nice to be able to open up. But if you overdo this part you will not come across as a strong and independent girlfriend.

He should not be the one to lift you up and bring you comfort.

You should be that person for yourself. If you often feel lost and sad, it is better to seek professional help than to rely on your boyfriend.

Practice being sad on your own

When you feel overwhelmed by emotions, try just sitting with yourself and allowing yourself to feel whatever you are feeling.

Your boyfriend probably likes to be your rock. But to always have to comfort another person gets old and tiresome after a while.

5. Dont compare yourself

I see this problem a lot these days. People who could be perfectly happy with their life and their relationship are suffering because they think other people are happier (and more successful.)

This is a bit of a fallacy. For one thing, you never know what is going on in someone else’s life. Social media is a curated version. And if they really are happy and have an amazing life, you could just be happy for them.

Their life has no relevance to your life.

Our life is a unique gift

Our lives are our own, to live as we please. All lives have ups and downs. Our suffering also has the potential to make us stronger and more empathic.

Simply put; stop looking at social media if you cannot help but compare yourself.

Check out my article What Causes Insecurity In A Relationship – How Can You Fix This?

6. Communicate your boundaries and your feelings  

A strong and independent girlfriend does have the ability to communicate both her feelings and her boundaries. If your boyfriend does things that upset you, you should absolutely tell him. Make it a single serious conversation. Talk about your feelings. Tell him why his behavior is hurting you. Make sure you bring solutions.

Also, listen to his perspective. Every “fight” has the potential to strengthen your relationship. By being in conflict with him, you learn about who he is as a human. Listen more than you speak.

Understand yourself, your reactions and your feelings

Before you communicate either feelings or boundaries, do a lot of emotional work with yourself. Journal about the situation and the problem.

Reflect.

Don’t bring your feedback in a heated situation. Also, don’t hold in your feedback for too long.

7. Don’t work too hard to make your partner happy

When we are in love, we sometimes put in too much work. This is especially common for people who have an anxious attachment style. We do everything for our partner. Cook for them, love them, clean for them, give them all our money and all our time.

This is a recipe for disaster. You will lose yourself.

Most likely, your partner will start taking you for granted. All your efforts will have the opposite effect.

Check-in with yourself and only do things you feel comfortable doing.

Stop doing all the work

If you know you have been doing too much in the relationship, simply take a step back. Stop doing all those things.

It is hard, right? Just letting things be.

Forget about your relationship for a moment; focus on yourself. Be selfish. You are probably afraid that your partner will stop loving you if you stop working on the relationship.

But a strong and independent girlfriend knows that if things don’t work out with this guy, she can find another one, or she can be happy on her own.

A final note on how to be a strong and independent girlfriend?

The answer you are looking for is a mental one. It is about the strength you have when you are alone with yourself. It is also about letting go. Stop controlling the situation.

You don’t know if he will always love you. Maybe you will lose him someday. Try to accept this potential outcome.

You will be OK. He is a guest in your life.

Your life is your own gift to yourself.