Why do I love him so much?

13 top reasons why we love and how to handle different kinds of love

Love is a lot of things. It can be bitter when it is unrequited. It’s incredibly sweet when you take those first small steps toward falling in love with someone new. Love is being overflown with gratefulness when you watch your partner sleep. Love can be draining when someone decides to give up on you. In all these situations you might ask yourself “Why do I love him so much?”

The answer might surprise you

The answer is a combination of a lot of things. For example, your history and how those past experiences have shaped what you believe love is. How did you get love modeled to you by your parents? It also comes down to a chemical cocktail reflecting your unique genes.

The first seed to whom we fall in love with is planted in our childhood. Here I will present you with the top 13 reasons why you love so strongly and intensely.

1. It’s in your biology

When you fall in love with someone it means that, for some reason, the two of you are a good match on a biological level. If the two of you had children, those children stand a good chance to survive and thrive.

At its most basic level, this is the reason why we fall in love.

Your body picked the guy for you

Thus, when you ask; why do I love him so much? Remember that love is not always a conscious decision. Your body and biology conspire against you to pull you in a certain direction.

When you feel infatuated with his looks or his personality traits, it’s your biological being that is doing the speaking.

2. Chemistry makes love sweet

There is also the question of chemistry, your biology manifests itself on a chemical level in your body. When we feel strongly drawn to someone, part of the answer is that their smell appeals to us.

We might not even be conscious of this process. For some reason, our genes have decided that they would make a good match with his genes.

3. Love makes us high

The thing about love is that it is intoxicating in itself.

When you fall in love your body realizes a mix of different hormones. Basically, you get high, and you don’t even have to deal with a drug dealer. All you have to do is think about how much you love him. Your natural reward system kicks in.

This is why people feel they are floating above the ground and can’t stop smiling when they first fall in love.

4. Your past shapes who you fall in love with

So, our bodies make up one part of why we are capable of intense love, the other big part is our upbringing.

As mentioned before, we learn a lot about love in our childhood. We form our love map as a result of how our parents treat us and how we learn to receive love.

We learn a version of love as children

When someone comes along and mimics the patterns we learned to connect with love as children, their presence affects us strongly.

For example, if someone is dismissive or absent, you can still connect this with love. And as a result, you might fall helplessly for that person.

If someone goes hot and cold, that might be the very pattern that makes you fall in love. This version of love is not always a healthy one. because of this it’s common to ask “Why do I love him so much,” with deep frustration.

5. You fall in love with someone who is similar

If you are in a couple with your love and you are still wondering why you love him so much, the very simple answer can be that the two of you are similar.

You have similar values and political opinions. Your personalities might be similar in one important way.

Similarities breed love because we feel safe with the things that are familiar to us.

6. He is your first love

There is something special with our first real love.

If this is the first time you have had these kinds of feelings, I would say that it’s normal.

I still have a lot of tenderness for the first guy I ever loved.

Enjoy your strong feelings. As you grow and become a mature person you will hold back much more, and you will not fall as hard.

You will become better at protecting yourself and as a result, you will never see anyone with the same rose-tinted glasses.

7. It’s your cultural inheritance

We grow up listening to love songs, reading romantic stories and learning that love conquers all.

We live in a culture that celebrates romantic love above anything else.

Thus, it is not strange that you feel like you love him so much. You have been brainwashed to look for love and to focus your energy on love.

Other cultures have celebrated other aspects of the human experience, but our culture is based a lot on the fulfillment we suppose to get from our partner and the love story we share with them.

You are looking for meaning in the very place your culture has told you to look for meaning; in the man you are in love with at this very moment.

8. It’s a way to create meaning in your life

This brings me to my next point. Being in love gives your life direction.

Because let’s be honest, if you are not religious, life can often feel meaningless. We live in this big mystery, no one knows why we are here.

At the same time, we all search for something. We all have a need to create meaning for ourselves.

You, my friend, have replaced God with the guy you are currently crushing on.

9. It’s a way to escape from yourself

Let me ask you a couple of questions. Are you happy with your life? Are you satisfied with your career? Do you feel connected to your fellow human beings?

The very fact that you are crazy about another human being, regardless if your feelings are reciprocated or not, tells me that you have something you are escaping from.

As humans, we are programmed to avoid pain and seek pleasure.

Being in love is a form of pleasure.

So, let me ask you, what pain are you avoiding? Is there trauma in your past that you haven’t fully worked through yet?

10. It’s codependency

I’m going to be honest with you and I’m not sure you will like it. When you ask “Why do I love him so much,” that’s a bit of a red flag.

It sounds like you are unnecessarily attached to this person. You view him through the famous rose-tinted glasses and make him the source of all your future happiness. This kind of behavior stems from a lack of self-confidence.

It’s also a sign that you don’t know yourself well enough. You probably outsource your agency to try and make him happy, and that’s a recipe for disaster.

Do you love your own company?

So, when you ask, “why do I love him so much,” it is not about him, it is about you and the relationship you have with yourself.

We should be our own biggest love and we should work hard to try and take care of ourselves. If we work too hard on pleasing someone else, we lose ourselves in the process.

You, my friend, need to strengthen the relationship you have with yourself.

11. You don’t see the real him

When you love someone too much, there is a big chance that you don’t see the real him. Instead, you put him on a pedestal. You project all these great qualities on this guy (who, I’m sure, is pretty average.) You want your love to be justified so you make him into a better person than he is.

Knock him off the pedestal

Time to make a list of all his negative qualities and all the things you don’t like about him. Loving another person too much is not healthy.

Have you been in love before?

Think back to those guys you use to love, how do you regard them now? Do you still think that are the most amazing humans you ever meet? Probably not.

And that’s how you will view this guy a couple of years from now.

12. There is a need in you, and you project it on the person

We often fall in love with people who we perceive can give us something we lack.

Once again, this is not a conscious process. You want something from him. It might be more safety in your life, or more adventure or more playfulness. Maybe you saw how sweet and loving he was to a friend, and since you are not sweet and loving to yourself your subconscious hope to get that from him.

It was not random why you fell in love with this person.

He represents the very thing you lack in your life and in your relationship with yourself.

13. He represents your golden shadow

This guy, whom you love so much, also represents traits that you’ve got but have repressed. For example, you might like that he is so smart and intellectual. This means that you are also smart and intellectual but for some reason, you have given that side of you the space it deserves.

Ask yourself why you like him and those very traits will be your golden shadow and you should cultivate those traits in your life.

As I told you, when we love someone intensely, it actually tells us a lot about ourselves. It tells us what we long for and what we need more of.

Give those very things to yourself and you will feel your love for him becoming less as a result.

Are you the one who loves the most?

If the two of you are in a relationship but you still feel your love overwhelming you and hindering you from living a normal life, there is plenty of good strategies to deal with the situation. Check out our article When you are the one who love the most.

Do you wish that you would love him a little bit less?

I hear you, being consumed by love doesn’t make for a peaceful existence. Maybe it is even time to do some research about Limerence. Start with our article Limerence, everything you need to know.

Love should not be paralyzing.

When he doesn’t feel the same way

Are you asking “why do I love so much?” because your love is not reciprocated?

Being unhappily in love is a tough situation to be in. Everything I have told you above applies to your situation. That information is also the path toward freeing yourself from unwanted intense feelings. 

If you want even more information, I recommend our articles How to fall out of love and How To Get Over Someone You Never Dated – Coping With Unrequited Love.

Despair not, there is absolutely a way out of this.

Dealing with unrequited love the right way

Regard your pain as an opportunity to develop yourself as a person. You get rid of those strong feelings by strengthening the relationship you have with yourself.

Ask yourself how you would want to be loved? Give those very things to yourself.

Be present with yourself, journal, meditate and practice mindfulness.

Ask yourself the kind of deep question you wish that a lover would ask.

Only we are capable of giving ourselves the love we need.

A Finale Note

Our feelings are always there for a reason. They tell us how we need to act to make ourselves happy. Don’t shy away from your feelings, lean in, and listen. They are trying to guide you. 

Your strong feelings for him are ultimately not about him, they are about what you need to give to yourself.