How to grow stronger and happier by not pursuing romantic love
Giving up on love, it’s a bold statement.
Most people would start protesting immediately, telling you that you shouldn’t give up on love. They would say that there is someone for everyone and you should keep trying. But I’m here to tell you that giving up on love will be the best decision of your life.
You become free
You don’t have to buy into the myth that romantic love is the most important aspect of life.
Instead, spend your time investing in the love you have for yourself.
Learn new skills to become more independent.
Heal yourself from past traumas.
Find new things you love that enrich your life. Focus your extra energy on giving your love to friends and family.
Why you should give up on love
My suggestion is that giving up on love is a healthy behavior that can strengthen your identity and self-confidence. On important caveat, one that probably will give you a sigh of relief, I don’t recommend implementing this strategy forever.
But for a year or a couple of months, it’s a good idea to give up on love, especially if you keep repeating negative and destructive patterns when it comes to your love life.
When is giving up on love the right decision?
Many of us use love and sex as a way to escape having to deal with ourselves.
By falling in love, we deal with other people.
We think about their behavior and their feelings. But your life is about the relationship you have with yourself. Giving up on love, the right way, means that you take some time off love to work on the relationship you have with yourself.
Be present with yourself
Just because you are giving up on love doesn’t mean you have to try and improve yourself.
You can also spend your time away from love just enjoying the relationship you have with yourself. Do the things that bring you joy and that you are passionate about—no need to work on yourself unless you want to.
Instead, invest in the love you have for yourself
In either case, consider giving up on love temporarily as a love declaration to yourself.
View this period of your life as a cleanse.
In the same way you restrain from food to cleanse your system during a fast, you can restrain from romances to become more grounded in yourself.
It’s a good idea giving up on love if you are constantly moving from one relationship to the next without finding peace and satisfaction in any of those relationships.
Meet your own needs
Another reason to try this radical approach is if you keep having relationships where your needs are not met.
I also recommend this method if you have been dating a lot, without finding the one, and dating has become a chore rather than something you enjoy.
How to give up on love the right way
I’m going to show you how to give up on love in 4 easy-to-follow steps.
If you use this approach, giving up on love will make you a happier person.
Romantic love is not the only thing that makes life great.
Open your eyes
In many cases, contrary to what popular culture and your old aunt constantly telling you, romantic love many times stands in between you and everything that makes your life great. You become so blinded by love-related problems that you stop enjoying life.
If you want to read a text that challenges romantic love, I recommend reading our article “Accepting you will never find love.”
Be Independent
We are dependent on other people in a lot of different ways.
We might need their help for everyday tasks we haven’t learned how to do. This can be changing the tires of our car or something as important as taking care of our financial situation.
Our dependence can go too far
As humans, we help each other, and that is something nice. But our laziness often takes this too far, and we become dependent on other people instead of developing ourselves and learning new tasks.
We fail to take responsibility for the situation.
We are also psychologically dependent on other people. We value other people’s opinions and let them influence our decision. We are reliant on their input.
Learn to be alone
To become more independent, learn a couple of new skills. Use your time away from love to take care of things you have problems dealing with on your own.
Sure, you can still ask for help, but knowing that you can take care of yourself will give you better self-confidence and an easier, happier life.
Practice saying no
Also, take this time and practice saying no to things you don’t want to do.
We often do things people ask of us to please them. But giving up on love is about finding what is important for you and what you want to do with your time.
Be strong
Many of us have bought into the idea of romantic love and partnership to such an extent that we put up with behavior that hurts us.
We accept things from our significant other that we would never accept under normal circumstances, from a friend, for example.
Examples can be that our partner belittles us, disrespect us, or serious things such as lying and being unfaithful.
Learn to be alone
Giving up on love means not putting up with someone mistreating you just because you are afraid of being alone. Giving up on love means becoming comfortable with being alone.
Giving up on love in this context is not something weak or wrong. It’s a courageous path where you need to be strong.
Don’t fill the void with yet another relationship
We desperately want to be loved, and we don’t want to be alone.
By forcing yourself to be alone, you will realize that it’s not as bad as you think. You might even realize that you can spend the rest of your life without a partner.
If someone breaks up with you, your ego gets hurt, and it’s easy to try and deal with the insult by quickly finding someone new.
Grow stronger
This way, you prove to yourself and the world that you deserve love. But this is not true self-confidence, and being too desperate for a relationship will not make you happy long term.
To stay alone when you feel lonely takes courage. By giving up on love, you are actually being strong. To rush into the next relationship is just an escape mechanism and one that isn’t working.
Heal yourself
Love and romantic relationship can be exhausting.
By taking time away from this, you will have time to heal. By staying calm, you can heal from earlier trauma caused by unfulfilled love and similar situations.
If we keep rushing through life, we will repeat the same mistakes over again, and the result will be the same.
Reflect and grieve
That’s why it’s so important to take a step away from love and spend time with yourself. Allow yourself to be sad and to fully grieve past failed relationships.
Focus on all aspects of your well-being
Instead of dating, falling in love, and trying to build a relationship, focus your energy on treating your body and mind with love and care.
Make a point of developing an exercise regime that fits you.
Nurture your soul
If you already exercise, you can focus more on challenging yourself intellectually by learning new things and exploring new ideas. It is also a good idea to start doing something practical, like gardening or carpeting, that gives you time to heal.
Yoga, meditation, and massage are things I strongly recommend to become more mindful and grounded in yourself.
Find real love
Sure, many times, romantic love is real love, but many times it is not.
Love is something that builds you up and gives you joy, and makes you stronger. When you are having a break from romantic love, you have time to explore other ways and forms of love.
Learn to receive love
You have much more love to give to friends and family, and this will lead them to give you more love.
If this is not the case, and you feel like you are constantly giving love without getting anything back, you might want to change those relationships.
Focus on friends and family
Ironically enough, you will be less dependent on other forms of love if you take a break from romantic love. This is because your batteries will be better charged, and you will have more love to give.
You will not have wasted all your love on your partner or love interest. You will be able to give all that love, or as much as you want, to your friends and family.
Often when we feel we need love, it’s because our own love battery is poorly charged.
Develop the relationship you have with yourself
By taking time to do things that give you joy and pleasure, spending time in nature, for example, your love battery will be fully charged.
You should also take some time to think about your passions and how you can bring them into more focus in your life. Spend the time you free up by giving up on love doing things you enjoy doing. This strategy is about you and the love you have for yourself.
When it’s time to get back on the horse
When you have had a suitable break from romantic relationships and are ready to get back into the game again, you can check out our article Why is it so hard to find someone? and our article How do you know if you are dating the right person?
A final note
Love is beautiful and important. But often, we become so focused on romantic love that we don’t spend enough time taking care of ourselves and doing things that we love.
We often don’t allow ourselves to step away from chasing love.
We keep chasing and keep trying—one dead-end relationship after another. But by completely erasing this kind of love from your life for a couple of months or even years, your stress levels will decrease.
Giving up on love will give you time and energy to focus on the things you are passionate about, and that’s what life is truly about.
Moa Ailert is the founder and editor-in-chief of Her Brilliant Friend.
She has a bachelor’s degree in philosophy and plenty of insight into human psychology from traveling and living in different places around the world.
Moa is currently based in Portugal where she has a guesthouse; Villa dos Irmaos.
She has various websites, among others Ericeira Insider, but Her brilliant friend is her true passion project.
