What does it mean when a guy tells you personal things about himself

Plus 5 ways to respond to build attraction

He leans closer, and the rest of the world fades away. His voice is very clear, and he shares something deeply personal. You feel surprised, maybe even shocked, that he showed this very vulnerable side of himself. Later on, you are wondering what it means when a guy tells you personal things about himself.

How to respond to build a strong connection

You are probably also wondering how to respond when a guy tells you personal things about himself.

In this text, I will first tell you the 9 main reasons why he has chosen to open up to you. After, I will tell you the 5 main components of how to make him feel seen and heard.

As a bonus, I will also tell you 5 good strategies when you want to build attraction between the two of you.

Buckle up and let the journey begin.

9 reasons why a guy would tell you personal things about himself

1. He wants to get closer to you

Humans get closer to each other by sharing their thoughts, experiences and dreams with each other.

This is particularly true when it comes to past traumas. Sharing who we are and the things that have shaped us is an important part of the glue that creates a strong bond between humans.

There is no exception to this.

He leads the way

You can be sure that this man wants to form a stronger bond with you. He wants the two of you to become closer than you were before this conversation took place.

Why he would want this kind of closeness is another question and maybe one you are asking yourself. Continue reading and we will figure him out.

2. He wants to know if he can trust you

When we decide to share something personal with someone, it’s a bid for increased intimacy.

We want to check how the other person reacts and how the relationship develops as a result of our initiative. We want to know if we can trust them to be tender with this sensitive part of us.

He wants to figure out if you are kind and respectful

Whether he is conscious of it or not, sharing something vulnerable and deeply personal is his way of testing what kind of person you are. Are you empathic and sensitive?

He is also testing what kind of bond that is possible between the two of you. Are you meant to have a surface-level relationship or something deeper?

3. He wants you to see the real him

As humans, we all have a strong longing to be seen.

We want the right people to know us for whom we truly are, and eventually to love us for our core being.

Telling someone something intimate about ourselves is an invitation to start this process. He wants you to know those things about him that most people don’t know.

He wants to show you that he had depth

When a guy tells you personal things about himself, he invites you to take a look at his soul. It’s actually very intimate and brave.

This is especially true if he is a guy who doesn’t share much, generally speaking.

4. He wants you to understand him

When we share those things that are personal to us, we want to be understood and we want to evoke empathy. Maybe he knows that he is not always there for you the way you deserve. So, when he opens up about his tragic childhood, he is also telling you that he is doing his best.

He is appealing to your caring side

He asks you to understand where he is coming from and why things are not always so easy and straightforward for him. When a guy shares something personal with you, it can be his way of asking you to have patience with him. He is doing his best considering the circumstances that were given to him.

5. He wants your input

Maybe this guy who all of a sudden tells you personal things about yourself is just a friend. There is no sexual chemistry going on, so you feel a bit puzzled. Maybe even worried that you have somehow given him the green light.

He thinks that you can help him

No need to be. He might just be looking for a woman’s perspective. This means he values your opinion. He thinks you are intelligent and trustworthy.

Men are usually more inclined to look for solutions, so he might just want the two of you to come up with a strategy for how he can handle this delicate situation.

6. He is romantically interested in you

Let’s address the elephant in the room. If I made a list of signs that someone likes you, I would absolutely include him sharing personal details.

It is indeed a good strong indicator that he has romantic feelings for you.

He picked you, after all, he wanted you to know. He felt comfortable with you.

You are special to him

All of the reasons why we share things about ourselves are also how we would act if we had feelings for someone. He wants to increase the intimacy between the two of you. And the most likely reason why he would want this is that he finds you attractive.

If you want to know for sure, check out my article How to know if a guy is flirting with you or just being friendly.

7. He wants to find out more things about you

There is another very important reason why people chose to share intimate details about their past, it is an invitation for you to do the same.

He is taking the lead, he shows you how he wants your relationship to develop.

We almost never tell people personal things about ourselves if we are not also very interested to find out more about them.

By going first, we create an environment of trust. 

8. He might be sexually interested or he might not be

Let’s take a look at the flip side of the coins. When a guy shares something personal with you, it does not necessarily mean that he is romantically interested.

It could be a strong indicator that he finds you attractive and he wants to deepen the bond between the two of you. But it is far from a done deal.

Basically, this can go either way. So, hold your horses and don’t start shopping for a wedding dress just yet.

He could also just like you as a friend

If he is someone you are not interested in, it might be a relief that his sudden burst of vulnerability doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to date you.

9. He is trying to seduce you

On the other hand, many men also know that them being vulnerable is very attractive to women.

A guy who tells you personal things about himself might do this because he is trying to evoke romantic feelings in you. He wants you to want him.

A strategy used by Pickup Artists

Being overly personal and sharing darker truths about oneself is a strategy used by Pickup Artist. Be aware.

Even normal guys instinctively know that sharing something vulnerable about themself is a quick aphrodisiac, so his behavior doesn’t mean he is a calculated player.

5 important components when you ask how to react when a guy tells you something personal about himself

1. Give him your full attention

The first and most important rule is to be as present as possible when someone shares something personal.

Be calm and focused and let the rest of the world melt away.

At this moment there are only his words and the important story he is sharing. Don’t think about your reply or what it means.

Don’t feel like you have to say something, instead be quiet until you are sure he is finished.

2. Acknowledged the significance of his sharing

Tell him that you appreciate him being so honest and open. Tell him that you really enjoyed finding out a bit more about who he is.

The important thing to do when someone shares something vulnerable is to appreciate the magnitude of the situation.

Thus, don’t diminish or brush off what he just told you.

Allow his truth the space it deserves.

3. Validate his feelings

If he shared an event you can ask him how that made him feel.

You can also empathize with his feelings by repeating them back to him. For example; that must have been difficult for you.

“That must have been tough.”

“It seems like you were very brave.”

Stay present with his feelings

Don’t shy away from his feelings. Mention them, ask about them. Give them the space they need for him to feel that you allow his feelings to fully exist.

The most important part is not the story in itself, it’s the impact the occurrence had on him and how it made him feel.

It’s also about how he feels about what he just told you in the present day. Has his view of the incident changed over time?

4. Ask him a couple of follow-up questions

Asking the right question can really help to make another person feel seen and heard. So don’t be afraid to ask questions.

By doing so you allow him the space to really talk about his experience.

If you are unclear about something, go ahead and dig a bit deeper.

Since he chose to share this part of himself, he is prepared for you to want to know more.

5. Stay humble

If you don’t have the answer, or generally don’t know how to react. Tell him so. Acknowledge the fact that you are at loss for words.

Also, make sure that you display positive body language. I know for myself that I sometimes tense up when someone shares something deeply personal. Especially if it is a painful memory. I have a visceral reaction to their story, and I want to protect myself.

Don’t make this mistake. Instead, make an effort to open up your body toward him.

6. Share something personal

When a guy tells you personal things about himself it is always an invitation for you to do the same.

Don’t jump too quickly to your story, but you can absolutely share the reaction and memories that his story stirred in you.

This is how us sharing personal things becomes a path toward deepening the connection between two people. Read my article How to appear vulnerable to a man for more tips.

If you want to build attraction when a guy tells you personal things about himself do the following 5 things

1. Touch him

Touch is generally a very powerful tool when it comes to creating attraction.

When it comes to a guy being vulnerable with you, touch is ten times as effective. After he finished talking you can reach out and touch him in whatever way that feels comfortable to you.

Give him a hug

You can even ask him if he wants a hug.

When it is time for the two of you to split up you can give him a very warm and tender hug.

Don’t hold back when it comes to touch and your body language. Allow him to observe that your attraction for him has increased as a direct result of him opening up to you.

2. Share something deeply personal

If you want the attraction between the two of you to grow, what you want is to make that connection stronger and more intimate. You do this by being very vulnerable yourself.

This is the very essence of how love between two people is created.

Share something that perhaps you have never shared before. There is something very impactful about the first time we speak about something sensitive. Be frank and honest and strong at the same time.

He will feel like he got a glimpse of your soul.

3. Express gratitude

Men want nothing more than to be valuable to a woman they find attractive.

Make sure he knows exactly how valuable it is to you that he chooses to open up.

You can tell him that you really apricate his vulnerability. Also, tell him that you feel closer to him.

4. Stay present

The more you can forget about the rest of the room, the more attraction you will create.

Our subconscious always knows how present the other person is. We can sense if they are completely absorbed by our story.

To become a better listener you can meditate, practice mindfulness and journal to learn how to be present with yourself.

All of those strategies will help you become more grounded in yourself and as a result more open to fully embracing another person’s pain and problems.

5. Look into his eyes

Just you being quiet and looking straight into his eyes after he has shared something incredibly personal is a strong way to create a deep bond between the two of you.

By now I think we can all agree that there is something sensual with letting someone in on an emotional level.

When the initiative for emotional intimacy comes from a man, it feels even more charged, since most men don’t open up to just anyone.

Put fuel on this fire between the two of you by

You can also check out our article How to create sexual tension with a man.

A Final Note

Most likely, he has an interest in you. And that interest, is statistically speaking, a romantic one.

But that doesn’t mean that he is ready to date you or come clean about his feelings. Maybe he is just testing the waters.

His fears have not so much to do with you as it has to do with previous experiences. So don’t put any expectations on the situation, just be there for him, as one human to another human.