Exploring the Nature of Friendship – Why you need friends and how to get them

How to make lasting connections

Most people agree that we need friends. Human beings are social creatures. We form alliances, connections and tight-knitted groups. Whenever humans come together, friendships are formed. Such is the nature of friendship. For most of us, it’s both an instinct and a great pleasure to connect with our fellow humans.

Friendship vs Romantic connection

The word friendship is generally defined as a situation in which both people have no romantic or sexual interest in each other.

Lovers can also be friends, but if they are, they are primarily defined by their sexual relationship.

Some friendship takes an unexpected turn when two friends fall in love with each other. If you have a friend and want to make him fall in love with you, I recommend How to make the first move on a guy friend.

A lack of strong friendships

Since friendship is built on genuine connection, not everyone has as many friends as they would like. Many people struggle to build close friendships.

If you recognize yourself in this problem, don’t worry. It’s much more common than you think. Many people suffer from a lack of close friendships. They long for friends, but still has a problem getting them.

Make real friendships develop

If you are stuck being friendly with people without developing a friendship, read or article Acquaintance vs Friend – What Makes A Person Your Friend, to find out how to take surface-level connections and make them into friendships.

Don’t expect great friendships to fall into your lap

When it comes to friendship, there is a notion that it should just happen automatically. For many people, this is just not the case.

You have to put in a real effort, many people overlook this simple and straightforward step to creating strong connections. When you want to become someone’s friend, keep showing up in their life and keep bringing value to their life.

When does friendship happen?

Some people even have a hard time understanding the very nature of friendship. So, let’s take a closer look and figure out some things.

Friendship is based on mutual liking. You also need to spend a certain amount of time together for the friendship to flourish. Because of this, it’s common to make friends through work or through common interests.

When you have a natural growing ground for friendship, it’s much more likely to happen. You need both time, space, and lots of similarities in how you view life.

Believe it or not, friendship generally takes a longer time to develop than romantic relationships.

How to make friends

Most of us could use more friends in our life.

We can also strive towards making the friendship we do have deeper and more fulfilling. You achieve this by putting in the right kind of effort. If you want more tips on how to strengthen the friendship you do have, I recommend my article The secrets to strong friendships.

Show them that you care

To make a new friend, show a genuine interest in the other person, ask deeper questions and listen attentively when they answer. Everyone likes to feel seen and appreciated. By giving this to another person, you are already being a good friend.

you can have many friends

Another important note to remember is that it is in the nature of friendship that we can have many friends. Friendships are not monogamist. If you don’t get the response you are looking for, just try offering the same support to the next person, and the next… Making friends is about putting yourself out there. (In a friendly way.)

Let them see the real you

Friendship is a two-way street. You appreciate the other person, and you supply them with the possibility to appreciate you. Many people who struggle to make friends are simply not vulnerable enough. They put on a display of self-confidence and indifferences.

Don’t fall into this trap.

Instead, share vulnerably about who you are, your struggles and your goals. It is in the nature of friendship that it occurs when we let someone else see the real us.

Be active together

Not all friendship is ignited by deep conversations.

In fact, a shared activity is one of the best ways to build a strong connection.

This is especially true when it comes to men. Many men enjoy spending time with their friends by doing something like surfing, fishing or boxing. No words need to be uttered. If you are a woman wanting to make more male friends, read my article;

Even if you are a woman looking to connect and make friends with other women, I recommend this strategy. It is pressure free.

Connect with another human by doing an activity both of you enjoy.

Our friendships vary throughout our life

You might have had a lot of friends when you were young. As students, we have more time to pursue friendships. Many people make their friends during this period of their life and keep those friends for decades to come.

Others see their long-time friends slip away due to changing life situations, such as relationships and children.

This is fairly common; you cannot bank on making a number of friends and keeping them for life. If you want amazing friendship you have to keep making new friends.

Making friends later in life

If you find yourself lacking in the friendship department, know that this is fairly common. Most of us are just way more focused on our careers and romantic relationship.

Once again, we expect friendship to happen naturally. This is not always the case. A healthy friendship needs plenty of attention in the form of care and quality time.

Why do people make friends?

I created HerBrilliantFriend as a homage to friendships. I wanted to give advice to people the way a trusted friend would do.

We need our friends to give us advice, to celebrate our victories and to be our companions through our darkest times.

A true friendship can last for decades. When you have good friends you are also much more likely to feel inspired.

Different kinds of friendships

Another mistake I often see people make when it comes to friendships is to put unrealistic expectations on the situation.

They simply expect too much from the friends they do have.

If you have a friend who you enjoy going out and having a drink with, don’t expect that friend to be there for late-night phone conversations. (Unless they are available for that kind of closeness.)

Take the lead

Find friends for all the different areas you need friends. Since the nature of friendship is so open you can find a friend for every need you have. A friend to organize a book club with. A friend to go to the gym with. A friend to talk true crime with once a month.

There is no need to expect one friend to satisfy all your needs.

Friendships and siblings

Since you made it this far, let me tell you a little secret about the nature of friendship.

As a general rule, we take a lot of inspiration for our friendships from the relationship we had with our siblings growing up.

People who had siblings and a close relationship with their siblings, usually have a much easier time forming strong friendships.

If you were an only child, or simply not close with your siblings, you are much more likely to struggle with friendships.

You can become great at creating strong friendships

On the other hand, friendship is a lot less complicated than our other interpersonal relationships. So if you are longing for more friends, making an effort in the area of your life will yield amazing results.

Becoming a person with lots of great friends is not that complicated, you just have to train that particular muscle. I often advise going on a trip alone as a boot camp to make connections.

A finale note

Friendships are about connection. That big magic word is the essence of friendship.

Connection is about being seen and appreciated and giving back exactly those things to the person in front of you.

The more you master this, the more you will understand the true nature of friendship.