how to make the first move on a guy friend

7 strategies to spark romance and let him know how you feel

You have a guy friend, and he has caught your interest. He is cute, nice and somehow, all of a sudden, exactly everything you are looking for. Since he is a friend you want to be smooth. But you do want to let him know how you feel. Preferable in a way that increases his attraction for you. These 7 strategies will help you make the first move on a guy friend.

Don’t be too subtle

If the guy is shy and has little experience with girls, don’t be too subtle. A lot of guys are not great at picking up these signals. You might think that you are totally obviously flirting with him. He might think you are just nice.

You don’t want to risk him never knowing that you are interested.

A lot of times we shy away from showing a guy that we like him. We are simply too afraid of rejection. Deal with your fear, be brave and take the risk of rejection.

Don’t be too forward

If your guy friend doesn’t see you as a potential love interest, you can absolutely change his perception of you. Feelings are not written in stone. Many friends have fallen in love with each other.

For this process to happen, you have to give him time and space. You don’t want to try and convince him that he should fall for you. You want him to convince himself, the difference is very important. To allow this to happen, make a move and then take a couple of steps back and give him time to miss you. If it is meant to be, he will come after you.

Guys do like it when a girl takes the initiative

Do you hesitate because you are afraid to scare him off? Do you think guys prefer to make the move themself?

Let me debunk this myth once and for all. Guys do like it when a girl shows them she is interested.

It doesn’t mean you will score every time you make a move on a guy. Humans are complex when it comes to falling in love.

It does mean that a guy who has the predisposition to fall for you will not be turned off by you making the move. He will be delighted.

If he is not delighted, your guy friend was a lost case, to begin with. It was never meant to be the two of you.

1. Touch him

Touch builds attraction.

You make a man attracted to you by flirting with him and by touching him. It is really that simple. When you ask how to make the first move on a guy friend, touching him is what you need to do.

The touch can be very subtle. When you touch him, you show him that you want to be closer to him.

Give him space to reciprocate

Touch him once or two times, enough for him to feel the warmth and notice your touch. After that, wait and see if he reciprocates the touch. When he does, you touch him once more. This time you can touch him in a different place.

If he doesn’t reciprocate, don’t freak out. He might not be a touchy person. Check out our article How to get a shy guy.

Next time you meet up you can give it another go.

Lean in

This way of showing sexual interest is not only about touching him; it’s about getting closer to him in general. Lean in when the two of you are talking. Walk close to him and notice how comfortable he is with being close you.

Look at him more than you would normally do. Hold eye contact for a couple of extra seconds. Use your body language to show him that you like him. His subconscious will pick up on these new signals and with a bit of luck, he will start feeling the same way.

2. Give him a lot of attention

As a general rule, we like people who like us.

Thus, the second thing you have to do when you ask how to make the first move on a guy friend, is to show him that you like him. He is not going to read your mind.

Amp up the tension

Consider the warmth you show towards him right now, and decide to ramp up your current level of attention a solid 5 degrees. It should be noticeable to him that you give him a lot of affection. Go ahead, make him notice you.

If he notices you, he might reject you. But dealing with rejection will make you grow as a human. Find out exactly how, by reading my article “How to deal with rejection from a crush.”

Imagine how you would feel and behave if you had zero fear of rejection?

3. Show up where he will be

This is a neat trick you should absolutely use. With friends, we often have a fixed set of contexts we see each other in. We might always show up to play the same sport or meet with the same group of friends.

This technique is about showing up to see him in a new context where you haven’t seen him before.

For example, if he plays in a band, or plays a sport, you show up to watch him play. You wear different clothes, and you are a slightly different version of yourself. This will also allow you to behave a bit differently.  

The fact that you show up somewhere where you are not expected to be will cue him to the fact that you like him. The fact that it’s on “his playing field” will tell him it is indeed about him. You are there to see him.

4. Comment on his social media

Social media is a great way to flirt with a guy friend. It’s subtle and friendly, but it can also be surprisingly sensual.

You can send him a private message commenting on one of his posts, he will know that you want more connection between the two of you.

You can make a funny official remark on one of his videos.

Whatever you do, make sure he knows that you see him and that you like what you see.

Get out of the friend zone

Maybe you have this idea that you are in the friend zone with this guy. Do not despair; there is a way out of the friend zone. I wrote a whole article about the subject; make sure you read How to get out of the friend zone with a guy.

5. Suggest that the two of you do something together

To get alone time with him is in itself a way to make a move on a guy friend. When the two of you are spending time together, you can find out more about him and see if he is a good match.

If you already have decided he is what you are looking for, you can spend this time forming a stronger bond.

What you do need is to have him to yourself. If it’s only the two of you, you will be able to tell how strong the spark is.

If this is a guy friend you are already used to spending time with only the two of you, I recommend taking him on an adventure doing something the two of you have never done together before.

Go on a road trip, climb a mountain, take a dance class. The important thing is that the two of you are together and out of your comfort zone.

This is the make-it-or-break-it moment. Seize the opportunity to show him how you feel.

6. Tell him how you feel

If you have been interested in him for a long time, sorry to break it to you, but it’s time to come clean.

You are not simple friends because friends are honest with each other, and now is the time for you to be honest with him.

There are several ways to tell a guy friend how you feel. You can have a conversation, but if that feels too scary, I recommend sending an email or text message. If you want to make an old-school romantic gesture, send him a letter.

Read my article Should I tell him how I feel or walk away?” for a pep talk.

Give him time

If your romantic interest is a complete shock for him, the best thing you can do is to give him plenty of time to figure things out. His initial reaction might very well be that he is not interested.

But to change his mind, he needs space for this process to happen. Take time away from him and focus on your own life.

With a bit of luck, he realizes what a brilliant girlfriend you would be. If not, you will be Ok, and you will be proud of yourself for standing up for your feelings.

7. Kiss him

Yes, this is the kamikaze version of how to make the first move on a guy friend. The reason why this can be effective is that show (rather than tell) has a significant impact on people.

We can shield ourselves from words. We cannot shield ourselves from actions.

(That’s also why this technique can be intrusive.)

You don’t have to kiss him on the lips; you can kiss his neck or his ear very gently. If you do kiss his lips, make it a very light kiss. You could also kiss him on the cheek or at the tip of his nose.

Give him space

Just like with the love letter, after you have made your move, allow him time to adjust to this new reality.

You want to inspire attraction; you don’t want to pressure him. He might pull away, be prepared for this. Be cool and kind and generous.

The more confident you can be, the more likely his no turns into a yes. The kiss is, for sure, a confident move. But confidence is a great way to spark attraction.

A Final Note

There are many different ways to make the first move on a guy friend. They all come down to you being proud of your feelings. View your feelings as an asset rather than something you are trying to hide.

We all have a fear of rejection, but that fear is something we can work through. One way to become a braver version of ourselves is to do the very thing we fear; in this case, show your guy friend that you are sexually attracted to him.