How to show your friend support and care
Do you know someone who is going through a tough time? Maybe a friend or just an acquaintance. It can be difficult to know how to best show your support. You don’t want to be pushy, but you also don’t want them to feel afraid of reaching out. Here I will tell you 11 meaningful ways when it comes to being there for someone. Small things can make a difference, it’s all about showing the person that you do care.
1. Offering help
The first thing you should do when you suspect someone is in trouble is to verbally offer your help. This can be done by expressing something similar to this:
I’m here for you if you need anything.
Often it helps the person just to hear that they are not alone.
You can also say; let me know what I can do to help you.
Meet them where they are at
By not putting any pressure on the other person, you show that you are there for them in whatever shape or form they need you.
You don’t hand out unsolicited advice or try to demand to be let in and participate in their trouble. You simply let them know that would they need something, anything, you are there to help.
2. Being a shoulder to cry on
Often when someone tells us about their problem, we try to come up with solutions.
We tell them what we would do in their shoes. But many times, the only thing you need to do is listen. Be present. Show that you see them and understand them.
When a friend shares something, they are not always looking for advice. On the contrary, they are often looking for emotional support.
Don’t judge them
So don’t feel helpless when you cannot solve their problem. Instead, realize that you are helping just by being there.
Most people feel relieved when we understand their perspective and their struggle. By being someone they can confide in, without feeling judged, is one of the best ways of being there for someone.
If you want to know how to talk with someone so that they feel heard and appreciated, I recommend my article How to get someone to open up emotionally?
3. Helping them out in a practical way
A practical approach can also be effective when it comes to showing this person how much you care.
Helping the person in need with practical details such as cooking, cleaning and sorting out errands can be extremely fruitful.
Take care of something for them
Often when we are in emotional distress, we don’t have the capacity to deal with the practicalities of being a human. To let someone else take charge is often a great help in this situation.
Maybe this person is not someone you know very well, you can still make a small practical gesture to show your care. For example, stop by with some food.
4. Believing in them
Oftentimes when we go through difficulties, we ourselves don’t see a way out.
If you want to be there for someone, you can tell them that you believe in their capacity to fix the problem.
You can also tell them something along the line that you believe in their ability to grow stronger as a person.
Trust them
That someone believes in us is a big relief for many people. We often doubt ourselves. When we are in deep shit, we have no way of knowing how we will get out of the situation.
You probably don’t have the answer. But what you are offering instead is your faith in their ability to handle life’s difficulties.
For more tips and tricks on how to strengthen your relationships, read my article The secrets to strong friendships.
5. A thoughtful gift
There is a reason gifts are a love language for many people. A gift is a sweet and simple way to show someone that you are thinking about them.
A considerate gift can be a book, a notebook or a plant. Compliment your gift with a thoughtful note and your friend will feel you being there for them.
Consider what they need
You can also give a voucher for a self-care experience such as a massage. Your gift will also gently point this person towards taking some time for themselves. Everyone deserves that.
People who are having a hard time usually try to be there for everyone else, they don’t think about themselves.
A gift will make them take a break and reflect on themselves and their needs.
6. Planning a fun activity
Sometimes we just need to forget our troubles.
We need to go out, have a nice meal and a couple of drinks. Another example of a fun activity can be going for a walk or to the movies.
Whatever gets the person out of their home, that’s what you need to do.
Help them enjoy themselves
Treat them to something that allows them to take a break from their trouble. The two of you don’t have to discuss their problem, instead focus on being present and enjoy what you are doing.
7. Give them a hug
Physical contact is comforting for humans. We connect by being physical with each other. A physical gesture such as a hug will show the person that you are there for them.
If the person is crying you can gently put your arm around their shoulders and tell them to let everything out.
We are often afraid to be too physical when someone is in distress. But touch is a great way to comfort someone, don’t be afraid to reach out and support them through your body.
8. Keep checking in
When people are going through a difficult time, they are often terrible at keeping in contact. When you ask about what it means being there for someone, don’t expect them to reciprocate.
When people are hit with a painful event, they often feel isolated, as a result, they stop reaching out to friends. They might not return your calls or cancel plans the two of you have made. Don’t take any of this personally.
They will understand that you care
Instead, keep reaching out (not like a stalker, but in a normal way) and show them that when they are ready, you are still there for them.
Do you feel left out and like your friendship is on the rocks, check out my article How to repair a friendship.
9. See them
What people want more than anything, is to be seen and heard.
We want to feel like we matter and like our pain matters. Give your friend your undivided attention. Tell them that you understand their point of view. Also, tell them that it is Ok to be sad and upset.
Validate their feelings
The more present and generous you can be with someone who is going through a tough time, the better they will feel.
When we are in pain, we are usually more egoistic. Pain makes us blind to everything else that’s going on. But you can actually ease the pain of another person by giving them the space to feel their pain.
If this is someone you know well, you can ask them how their suffering is manifestation itself in their body.
Make them the center of attention and slowly they will process their feeling and expand their consciousness.
10. Give them your time
Time is a limited resource these days.
Everyone is busy and our phones keep us constantly connected. Thus, giving some of your time is a nice way of being there for someone.
Put away your phone, go for a drive and listen to music. This is only one of the ways how you can give your time to someone. You can also share a long phone conversation.
The important thing is that you are not stressed or distracted. Be conscious about the fact that what you are giving them is your time. Your time is the most valuable thing you have.
11. Go on a trip together
Physical journeys help us to process the things that have happened to us. By moving, we get distance and perspective, and we also discover new ways of seeing.
You don’t need to take your friend on an around-the-world trip to help them heal.
Sometimes it’s enough to explore a new neighborhood or try a restaurant with a unusual cuisine. You can also pick a tourist destination close to where you live and go there together.
New discoveries
The important thing is to bring a sense of curiosity and newness. We all need to keep evolving, even in times of hardship.
A trip will help your friend focus on external things, maybe even come up with an unexpected solution to their problem.
You can also fulfill this way of being there for someone by taking your friend to a beautiful place such as a viewpoint. Or bring them to one of your favorite spots.
A Final note
I hope this text has inspired you in your quest of being there for someone. Conversations are healing. Nature is healing. Time is healing. A nourishing meal is healing. Knowing all of this, you will be a positive influence in their life.
Hardship hits all of us and it is often said that you can tell which are your true friends in times of distress.
When your friend makes it through their troubles, they will remember everything you did for them.
I also want to take this opportunity to compliment you on your kindness and consideration. To even ask yourself the question of how you can be there for someone, shows just how much you care.
You are a valuable friend.
Moa Ailert is the founder and editor-in-chief of Her Brilliant Friend.
She has a bachelor’s degree in philosophy and plenty of insight into human psychology from traveling and living in different places around the world.
Moa is currently based in Portugal where she has a guesthouse; Villa dos Irmaos.
She has various websites, among others Ericeira Insider, but Her brilliant friend is her true passion project.
