signs of insecurity in a man

11 foolproof ways to spot a man who lacks confident

Let’s learn how to spot an insecure man. It will be fun. I have a tendency to assume that everyone else is confident and has their shit together. Basically, I’m being tricked, because most of us try to hide our insecurities and pretend to be calmer and more confident than we are. Once you understand these 11 signs of insecurity in a man you will see them everywhere, in everyone. Even in men you thought was self-reliant and on top of the world.

1. Being negative towards other people

One of the first signs of insecurity in a man is that he is critical of other people. He might talk about them behind their back, be hostile and unfriendly in his interaction with them or relish when other people face obstacles.

He often criticizes other people and points out their flaws.

Secure people are kind

In fact, all forms of negativity are a form of insecurity. A truly confident person is calm and generous when it comes to how they view other people. They are also unaffected when faced with difficult people.

The more secure we are, the more empathic we can be towards other people and their shortcomings.

An insecure man is often in conflict with a bunch of people, including his employer and his landlord, not to mention his ex.

2. Self-obsessed

One reason why an insecure man sees other people in a negative light is that he only sees every interaction from his point of view.

He has very little understanding of other people’s problems. Since he is always focused on himself and his needs, he simply doesn’t have time to view the world from other people’s vantage points.

One of the major signs of insecurity in a man is that he sees other people as competition or obstacles to his never-ending quest to get everything his way.

Things look good on the surface

This kind of man is overly focused on his looks, his achievements and the things that are important to him. He is also preoccupied with how other people view him; he likes to put out a cool image. Since he is insecure it becomes even more important for him that other people believe he is rich, successful and living a great life.

He baths in his misery

When you get to know an insecure man better, you might discover that he suffers quite a lot. He is not afraid to complain and share all the ways life is treating him unfairly. This is another form of self-obsession; being overly focused on his own misery and the importance of his suffering.

A confident person has an easier time putting things into perspective. They also have the ability to move on from bad experiences at a quicker rate. An insecure man will play the victim for years to come.

3. He admits to being insecure

Not all insecure men are major assholes; insecure people can also be very kind and sweet.

They might constantly be asking you for your opinion. They might let you make all decisions and say things along the line of “Whatever you want is fine for me.”

These kinds of insecure men are often more open with their insecurities. They might point out all the ways they are not good enough, in the hope that you will try and convince them otherwise.

The downsides of insecurity

This kind of insecurity might come across as endearing at the beginning of a relationship. You like the man because he is vulnerable and able to talk about his self-doubt.

The problem is that insecure people often need a lot of attention and a lot of support. This can be very draining in the long run. You feel like you always have to play the therapist. There always seem to be new problems sailing up on the horizon.
If your man is sweet but also very insecure, make sure you read my article How To Reassure Your Boyfriend And Show Him More Love.

4. Lacking stamina

To achieve things in life we often have to be hardworking and persistent. Those two qualities are something every confident person has.

An insecure man on the other hand has no staying power. He often abandoned his projects as soon as something new caught his eye. Insecure people often struggle with success because they are easily lured by a new interest or a new job.

They also often change their friends.

This kind of man is constantly seeking that adrenaline rush of something new. He expects success to come quickly and when that doesn’t happen, he gives up.

Lack of self-knowledges

Another reason for this is that insecure people often don’t know themselves particularly well, they don’t know what they like and who they are.

They are always seeking an identity.

An insecure person is often not where they want to be in their life. Since they don’t take responsibility for their situations and shortcomings, they always have to find other scapegoats for why they don’t have the success they perceive they deserve.

5. Goes hot and cold

An insecure man can easily be spotted through his inability to make a decision and stick to it.

This becomes extra clear in a dating situation or once he enters a relationship. He will have a hard time making up his mind about almost everything.

He might need validation and an emotional connection. At the same time, he is afraid to let someone in. Deep down, he doesn’t trust that he is worthy of love.

The result becomes a guy that blows up your phone one day and is totally quiet the next day. You are left wondering if he likes you or not.

The answer is that he doesn’t know himself.

Lack of commitment

All sorts of rollercoaster behavior are in fact signs of insecurity.

The reason behind this is that insecure people are overly focused on the surface level. (For example, their looks or shallow victories.)

At the same time, they lack the deep connection with themselves that is necessary to be able to make decisions and stick with them.

You might wonder why anyone would become attached to an insecure man, but insecure people are also very good at charming people, make sure you read my article about Manipulative Behavior, to understand how this kind of behaviour get you hooked.

A secure person acts with consistency

A secure person is deeply connected with their needs and wants; they have no problem clearly communicating what they want. They also don’t have any problem walking away from situations that don’t satisfy their needs.

You will always be able to spot an insecure man through his emotional unstableness.

6. Needing your attention, especially when you are busy

One of the clearest signs of insecurity in a man is that he needs a lot of attention.

The reason behind this is that insecure people are not good at self-soothing. They don’t know how to look after their own needs and give comfort to themselves. Basically, they don’t know how to love themselves and because of this, they are always looking to obtain love from other people.

An insecure person will need lots of validation. He is often fishing for compliments. He needs to hear how special he is and how much you like him.

Since insecure people are very competitive this becomes extra obvious when you are busy with other things. All of a sudden he needs all your time and energy. He gets jealous of your friend or your work.

External love

Insecure people are often dreaming about being admired. They like status symbols. They often need to be the center of attention.

It’s sad really; they perceive their value from what they have in terms of material things. They don’t feel a sense of love from within.

7. Fear of letting people in

Insecure people often have problems with interpersonal relationships. They might have friends, even lots of friends, but those relationship often lacks depth.

They also have a tendency to discard friends. Another tendency is to often move between different friend groups.

For true connection to happen between two people, we have to allow ourselves to be deep.

Overly attached to surface-level success

Instead, insecure people focus on their image and how other people perceive them. They try to scoop up as much love as they can get. They want love from everyone and the source is not particularly important.

Instead of forming deep connections, one of the major signs of insecurity in a man is that he tries to do things that will make him look good. He wants to be admired.

8. Making you feel insecure

This sign of insecurity in a man is one of the most toxic, and hardest to deal with.

When you first get to know an insecure man, he is often full of compliments. You feel flattered to have caught his attention. Make sure you read my article Love Bombing Examples to understand why this is such a destructive road.

He will criticize you

Since the insecure man is critical of himself, he will also start being critical of you. He genuinely doesn’t feel good about himself, and as the saying goes, misery loves company. He will absolutely try and knock you down. The compliments will be replaced by criticism. He will start finding faults with you.

As time goes on you will be bombarded with a million small needles of criticism. Insecure people can be surprisingly good at figuring out just the things you feel insecure about. They are not afraid to exploit their knowledge.

9. Overly attached to social media

Most insecure people are very fond of social media.

Social media is an addiction that plays into our insecurities. When people give us attention and positive feedback through social media, we get a rush of adrenaline. We feel accepted and validated. We feel seen. On top of that, we feel like we are part of a tribe, which is a very basic biological instinct in humans.

No one gets more attached to this kind of attention than an insecure man.

Another reason behind this is that social media allows us to put on a show. We control the narrative. We can show the world the picture of us we want them to see.

Attention from other women

A similar pattern occurs when it comes to an insecure man and attention from women. Since validation is like a drug for him, he cannot resist trying to charm people into liking him.

So when your insecure man flirts with another woman, it’s not necessarily sex, that is the driving force. It’s him seeking that sense of worthiness that he is incapable of giving to himself.

10. Feeling like the world is against him

An easy way to spot an insecure man is that he will talk about all the bad things that have happened to him. He will not take much responsibility for everything that has gone wrong in his life. Instead, he will blame his parent, his ex-wife, politicians, or whomever for his past failures.

Nothing is ever his fault. He is often sulky.

Black-and-white thinking

A secure person has a very nuanced view of reality. They can also list their own shortcomings. One of the signs of an insecure man is that he views the world as very black-and-white. He hates some people. Some people are idiots.

11. Being aggressive

An insecure man can also overreact and become aggressive for something that to you might not seem like a big deal. His ego is fragile. He might be aggressive towards a waitress or a shopkeeper. All aggressions stem from insecurity.

He might also be aggressive towards you; this is a sign that his insecurities are boiling over.

Being jealousy

Another side of this coin is jealousy. Most insecure people are also jealous. Insecure men are particularly jealous. He can even be jealous of your friend or your hobbies. Basically, he needs a lot of attention and when he doesn’t get that, he acts out.

An insecure man always feels threatened and that is why he lashes out.

Are you insecure?

After reading all of this, you might be thinking; Shit, I recognize myself!

No need to worry, working towards being calm and confident is a lifelong mission, for all of us.

Working to abolish these exact behaviors will strengthen your self-confidence.

For example, restrain yourself from being negative towards other people. This will make you feel more secure.

These 11 signs of insecurity in a man are the symptoms of insecurity. But they also cause insecurity.

Another good example is working towards finishing the tasks you have set for yourself. The better you become at keeping the promises you have made to yourself, the more self-confidence you will build.

A final Note

If you have made it this far, you have probably figured out that there are many different ways to be insecure.

No two insecure people are alike, and we are all insecure in our own unique way.

Now that you know more about the mechanics of insecurity you probably have a deeper understanding of why this feeling can be so toxic.

It doesn’t matter how much you give to the insecure person; your effort is never enough. That sense of unconditional love and security has to come from within.