The good, the bad and the ugly
Are you wondering if you really know your partner? Are there questions you haven’t asked? In this article, I present 27 important things you should know about your partner. By talking about these things, you make sure that you have a deep relationship full of empathy.
True love comes from knowing another person.
Let’s find out who he is
Finding out who your partner is, in the depths of his soul, will also be interesting and sometimes even funny.
I have divided this article into three sections. We start with the nice stuff. Later on, we take a look at those things that will help make the relationship smoother.
Lastly, I present you with important and slightly darker questions.
Take turns answering the questions
You might not even know the answer to all of these questions yourself. But these things are important, you should know them about your partner and you should try and find them out about yourself.
The bright side
Let’s start with the nice and easy stuff before we take an even closer look at your sweet partner.
Talking about goals and passion makes for a fun and exciting conversation.
1. What is his life mission?
Most people have a mission statement for their life. This mission might not be clearly stated, but if you dig a little deeper, you should be able to uncover this raison d’être.
You can also ask him what he would like to be remembered for. Your life’s mission goes beyond and above your career. It is the thing that truly makes you tick.
It’s the reason why you are excited to be alive and to be you.
2. What thing is he the happiest when he is doing?
We all have our happy place. It might be fishing, swimming, or watching a fun TV show. For some people, it is cooking, and others prefer reading. Some play chess online or like to listen to music.
For the obvious reason, this is an important thing to know about your partner. You can also ask if he has more than one thing he likes doing.
What is his “Happy place?”
3. What thing moves him deeply?
We all have things that pull at our heartstrings. Examples of this can be children or animals or global warming. It is important to know what affects your partner on an emotional level.
What would make him cry or bring him to the brink of tears?
4. What are his professional goals and dreams?
Most lists mention this point and it is because it is such an important one.
Our professional life is a big part of who we are.
Especially men draw a lot of pride and a sense of self from their professional achievements. Finding out what he wants to achieve in this area of his life is important because it will tell you a lot about how he plans to spend his time.
5. What does his ideal living situation look like?
For the two of you to have a future together, you need to be somewhat similar in how you want to live.
Would he prefer a cottage in the countryside or an apartment in a big city? Does he dream about getting a one-way plane ticket and taking off into the unknown?
How we want to live says a lot about us and our dreams. What would he do if money was no objection?
What would he do if he only had 10 years left to live?
6. What is his love language?
This is another classic question when it comes to things you should know about your partner. If you are not familiar with love language, you can read more here.
Basically, we all have specific ways we like to receive love. This can be acts of service or quality time. It’s an important thing to know about your partner so that you can show him love the right way and vice versa.
7. What does make him feel loved?
This point is similar to the point above, but this one is about finding out what you already do that makes him feel appreciated. Does he like it when you hug him, or cook for him?
You want to know which of your actions are being received as actions of love. You can also ask what other people do that makes him feel loved.
8. What’s the best decision he ever made for himself?
Our lives are made up of a row of decisions. Some major and some minor.
A decision is what sets us apart and make. A decision is how we create our own unique life and that’s why this question is so important. When we made a decision, we took an active stance and carved out a path for ourselves.
9. What does he think is funny?
Does he like naughty jokes, slapstick humor, or something a little bit more sophisticated?
Finding out more about the things that make him laugh is always a good idea. You want to be able to entertain your man. Knowing what he thinks is funny is the key. Exploit your new knowledge shamelessly.
10. What’s his favorite thing about you?
Let’s wrap this session with a sweet question. Ask him about the things he likes about you. It can be both about your looks and about your personality.
Nothing wrong with fishing for compliments. If he tells you something you had no idea about, you have just strengthened your connection.
The nitty gritty
There are a handful of practical things that you should know about your partner to make your coexistence much easier.
On top of that, I also recommend finding out how they view life and where they stand indifferent moral and political issues. Let’s take a look at the nitty gritty stuff.
11. How much alone time does he prefer?
A lot of couples forget about this very important aspect of couplehood. This is one thing you should know about your partner. If you have no idea what they prefer, it leads to unnecessary conflicts.
It is OK to want to have alone time.
Most of us feel like we don’t get enough alone time to just relax and unwind. In an ideal world, how much time would your partner spend hanging out with himself?
12. What secret sexual desires does he harbor?
You probably already know a bit of what turns him on. But it doesn’t hurt to make one of these questions a sexual one. Just ask him for something he hasn’t told you previously.
Our sexuality is a vast landscape with many hidden gems. You should start digging today. Finding out more about his desire will make you a better partner.
13. What does he do when he wants to treat himself?
We all have ways we reward ourselves, but we are not always conscious of them.
You might open a bottle of nice wine or order a beautiful summer dress.
Now it’s time to find out what your partner does to be nice to themselves. This way, you also get ideas on how to treat your partner. Reward him with the very thing he likes to reward himself with.
Does he prefer a new video game or a weekend in the countryside? A piece of chocolate or a glass of whisky?
14. What does he believe in?
Most people agree that you should know your partner’s religious beliefs. But this point goes above and beyond our spiritual beliefs. This is also about which moral values are important to us.
Religious and moral beliefs intervein and they are important for most people, so make sure you find out his.
15. What does he believe happens when we die?
This is similar to the point above but focuses on a slightly more morbid aspect.
Many people don’t know this simple question about their partner. Maybe because death is not a fun subject to talk about, but I think we can all agree that it is important to know what your partner thinks happens on the other side, so to speak.
16. How often does he want sex?
We have all been there, in the beginning of a relationship we have sex all the time. A couple of years down the road; not so much.
Every person has an ideal number of times they would like to have sex, once a day, once a week, or once a month.
It does differ quite a lot from person to person. Finding out where your partner stands can mitigate a lot of unhappiness.
17. How is his financial situation?
You would be surprised how many people shy away from this very basic question.
Money is a bit like death, something we feel hesitant about bringing up. But money plays a role in all areas of our life. Does your partner have debts? Do they have savings?
18. What is seriously annoying to him?
We all have our pet peeves. It’s better for you to find out his before he unexpectedly explodes one day. These are the behaviors and issues that cause normally levelheaded men to become fired up.
If you are brave, you can also ask what annoys him about you.
19. Which moral standpoints are closest to his heart?
Free healthcare? The right to abortion. Racism in the judicial system? There are a handful of moral issues that tend to divide humankind into two stubborn fractions.
If you are on opposite sides when it comes to one of them, better to find out now than later.
20. Does he have any health challenges?
This is another subject many people hesitate to bring up. We want to appear strong for our loved ones. Thus, some couples live for years without knowing each other’s exact state of health.
This is a missed opportunity since sharing our health challenges (everyone has them) is a chance for the two of you to become closer. It’s time to bond over our bodily failures.
The dark side
Let’s take a walk on the dark side.
These heavy subjects are best to bring up when both parties are well-rested and there is plenty of time to dig deep.
Don’t shy away from the darkness. Getting to know each other is about sharing and being vulnerable.
Let’s get into the real heavy stuff.
To have someone opening up to you is a beautiful thing, don’t misuse his trust. If you are curious about how to build a strong emotional connection, read my article How to get someone to open up emotionally?
21. What was his biggest unmet need in his childhood?
This is such a good question. Often, these needs manifest themselves in different ways in our adulthood.
If we don’t get enough love or attention, we will always feel like we need more of those two.
Our childhood affects the person we are today. And nothing shapes us more than the very thing we were always longing for.
22. What are some of his biggest fears?
We all have things that make us worried and fearful. For example, death, sickness, or being abandoned. Many people fear having an unfaithful partner.
In many ways, our biggest fears are the undercurrent of our days. You better find out his so you know which situations will trigger him.
Check out my article Signs of insecurity in a man to get more ideas.
23. Does he have any phobias?
Snakes, airplanes, making a speech. Those are examples of things many people have an irrational fear about. Best you find out his.
24. Why did his last relationship end?
This is a sensitive question; in most cases, it is also a very telling question.
You can see how good he is at accepting responsibility and seeing his part as to why things didn’t work out.
You find out a lot about a man and what he wants in a relationship by asking him this very straightforward question.
It’s also good to find out so that the two of you don’t repeat the same mistakes.
25. What is his coping mechanism?
We all have things to trigger us. We also all have coping mechanisms. Stress might trigger us, and the coping mechanism can be playing video games. Shopping, eating, and drinking alcohol are other common coping mechanisms. Other examples are exercise and working too much.
Anything to escape from yourself and your demons.
Many people don’t even stop and consider what it was that triggered them. They just go straight to the coping mechanism.
Yes, being overly busy is another very common coping mechanism.
26. What are some of his biggest conflicts?
Our conflicts are another dark undercurrent that often defines our life. Did he have a conflict with his parents about which education to choose?
Is he always torn between being successful and having enough time for himself?
What are the types of conflicts he has had with other people throughout his life?
27. What sides of himself is he unhappy about?
We all have things we wish to change, things we are working on. Does he want to change his career? Express his emotions better? Learn to be happy with what he has?
The relationship we have with our personal shortcomings says a lot about us.
A Final note on things you should know about your partner
You will have a deeper, more harmonic relationship if you know these things about your partner. Knowing them about yourself is even better. Think about how you would answer these questions and tell your answers to your partner. If you struggle to be open to people around you, read my article How to be more emotionally available.
Aking the right questions is an important part of a thriving relationship. Good questions yield good answers.
Moa Ailert is the founder and editor-in-chief of Her Brilliant Friend.
She has a bachelor’s degree in philosophy and plenty of insight into human psychology from traveling and living in different places around the world.
Moa is currently based in Portugal where she has a guesthouse; Villa dos Irmaos.
She has various websites, among others Ericeira Insider, but Her brilliant friend is her true passion project.
