Decoding his behavior
Texting with a guy can be a minefield. You don’t want to come across as too eager, but you also want him to know that you are interested. These days you cannot get around dating without learning a bit of texting etiquette. Have you been staring at your phone thinking; what does this even mean? Or, when he seems slow to respond, you start wondering about the signs that he lost interest over text.
Let’s take a look at these 12 common signs of a guy pulling away over text.
Along the way, we will learn a lot about texting and human psychology.
People can be interested and still be a terrible texter
I have to start this article with a little disclaimer, that someone is a terrible texter (slow, boring, unenthusiastic) is not a surefire sign that they are not interested in you.
Some people, including myself, have simply never adjusted to this era of sending constant messages.
Get his interest back
However, if he does fit these signs that he lost interest over text, you can absolutely get his interest back.
Every dating situation is a dance between intimacy and distance. Don’t make a bit of distance mean that he is lost forever.
The more secure you act on your end, the more likely you will get a good result.
1. He stopped texting
This is the first and biggest sign that a guy has lost interest over text.
He used to text you all the time and now; nothing. Your phone is dead when it comes to him.
I think we have all been in this situation.
Why did he have a change of heart?
The first thing you need to do is find out a bit more about why a guy would lose interest, read my article When a guy acts interested then backs off – 11 top reasons why and how to react.
2. He forgets to reply to your texts
The second most common sign is that he forgets to respond to your text. You are left staring at your phone wondering what to do. You certainly don’t want to double text.
When a guy is not responding to one of your texts, it might mean he is not interested. But it might also mean that there was no question in your text.
3. His replies are short and unengaged
Ugh, the cold shoulder; he does reply. But his replies are so impersonal that they could as well have been sent from an AI. In fact, chatGPT would exude more charm.
This is indeed one of the biggest signs that a guy lost interest over text.
He changed
When we try to charm someone, we usually are charming. This is especially a bad sign if he used to be a very savvy texter.
4. He never doubles texts
You don’t only want this guy to be responsive, you want him to be totally smitten with you.
One of the signs that a guy feels strongly about you is that he double texts, he has so much to say that he doesn’t even wait for you to reply.
He really wants to win you over.
The opposite of this behavior can mean that he is not that interested.
5. You have to wait for him to reply
This sign is not great either, sure he does answer. But it takes him hours or sometimes days to reply.
When a guy is serious about you, it should not take a long time for him to answer. The reason behind this is that you are on his mind constantly. When he sees a text from you he jumps at the chance of connecting.
If he is slow to reply, this can also mean that he tries to get you more interested by playing hard to get.
6. He doesn’t try to be funny anymore
A guy in love is a guy who will do his utmost to entertain you.
He wants you to have a good time and to achieve this he will absolutely bring his sense of humor. He will not miss an opportunity to make you smile or laugh.
Humor is how most men try to win over a woman. If he used to send memes and funny jokes, but these days are acting dry and humorless. Yes, this is indeed a sign that his inters is dwindling.
7. He doesn’t ask any questions
Text messages should be used for getting to know each other and for organizing exciting dates.
Both of those activities include question marks.
If you have to scroll through lots of messages to find one single question mark, this is not a good sign.
8. He doesn’t seem to be wanting to meet up
A guy who is interested and invested will always aim for the two of you to spend time together. After all, he does want to get to know you and he wants to develop a bond between the two of you.
Take a look at your exchanges and see how often he suggests that the two of you do something.
If the answer is never, you’ve got your answer so to speak.
9. He always has an excuse
Yeah, I know he was working, he is starting his own business, and his mother is sick. He is sick… The list goes on.
You want to believe him.
His excuses seem valid. But the fact is you never see the guy and every time you suggest something he always ends up being busy with something else, which is a bad sign, just as you suspected.
This is classic avoidant behavior, check out my article to learn more Am I overthinking or is he losing interest?
10. He cancels plans
He might initially agree with your plans, and even seem excited. Until you finally get a new message from him, and it’s not good news.
He cannot make it, after all.
When the only time he takes the initiative to text is when he needs to cancel on you, this is one of the biggest signs that he lost interest over text.
11. He doesn’t seem happy that you texted
You can tell when someone seems enthusiastic about receiving a text message from you.
Most likely that is how he behaved in the beginning.
He was all sunshine and smileys, and you had the feeling the mere fact that you texted made his days.
Unfortunately, nowadays he seems annoyed rather than happy, when he does reply to your texts.
12. He never just asks how you are
Someone who is increasing their emotional investment will ask how you are.
This is the sweet considerate thing to do. When we genuinely care about someone, we are always curious how they are. We want to hear about their day, their struggles and their joys.
We also don’t need a special reason to text. A simple “How are you?” is enough to get the conversation going.
Ways to get him back if he has lost interest over text
Now when you know the major signs that a guy is slipping away, lets deal with the situation. There is absolutely things you can do to optimize the possibility that he will become interested again.
1. Stop texting
You can’t make him a bigger texter by bombarding him with texts.
What you need to do is to take a big step back.
Shift your focus to yourself and what’s going on in your life. It is time to be a bit egoistic.
Give him space
When someone shows you most of the signs above, they show you that they need time and space to figure things out on their own. Respect their wishes and give them exactly what they are asking for.
2. Don’t make it about you
I know it sucks when someone you like grows increasingly indifferent.
You might even feel the urge to google signs he lost interest over text, to get the clarity and closure you deserve.
If someone is pulling away from the love you offer (after initially seeming interested) it has to do with them, not with you.
They might be afraid of love or commitment.
Acting distant over text is an indicator that they are unwilling to communicate, and that’s not what you want in a relationship anyway.
Keep reminding yourself of this simple sentiment and you will handle the situation with grace.
3. Take your relationship out of the texting universe
Stop texting, yes. But you can still give them a chance to have a real relationship. When you do have plans, invite them to join.
Your text messages should be short and to the point.
For example
I’m going to go for a hike this weekend and check out this new trail I’ve heard about, if you want to join?
I’m hosting a BBQ tomorrow, and would love for you to come.
Obviously, the text should be in line with your situation and your interests.
What you want to convey is that your life is moving ahead, full steam, regardless if they are there or not.
If you are wondering about other ways to get them to notice you again, read my article How To Get His Attention When He Ignores You – 10 Smart Moves.
4. Do bait them
You can even be a bit sneaky and send them an invitation when it is already a bit too late for them to join.
For example
This band is epic, you should come.
Send this when you are already out watching the band.
Or; I just discovered this new cool club. (Including a picture or a video.)
If they want to meet you, they can schedule something for later in the week.
The point is to not try and schedule something, but rather supply them with the opportunity to schedule something with you.
5. Communicate how you feel
Playing games aside, you should also communicate that their lack of responsiveness makes you doubt if the two of you are on the same page.
I’m a bad texter, but if my partner communicated that he needed more reassurance, I would try to step up. In fact, I would make a huge effort.
If you never express what you need, you also don’t give that person a chance to step up their game and be the person you need them to be.
Communication is key to a healthy relationship
You want to create a good environment for the two of you. The best way is to clearly express your emotions.
Do this after you have given them a bit of space. This method is especially important if they’ve communicated that they are busy right now.
6. Don’t sell yourself short
We cannot force another human to show up the way we wished they showed up.
A lot of times the best way to handle a tricky situation is to step away. You can always withdraw your participation in something that doesn’t align with your values.
Continuing your life is your strongest weapon.
A final note on signs he lost interest over text
The only way to find out what’s going on inside another human is to ask them. When you observe these signs that he lost interest over text, you cannot know what’s going on.
It could be anything really.
But a person who is considerate about you and your feelings should be able to give you the reassurance you need.
If he cannot do this, he is not the man for you.
Moa Ailert is the founder and editor-in-chief of Her Brilliant Friend.
She has a bachelor’s degree in philosophy and plenty of insight into human psychology from traveling and living in different places around the world.
Moa is currently based in Portugal where she has a guesthouse; Villa dos Irmaos.
She has various websites, among others Ericeira Insider, but Her brilliant friend is her true passion project.
