10 Real Reasons Why Do Men Look At Other Women

Plus the best way to handle the situation

Does your man like to check out other women? It can be frustrating when he seems interested in every cute female that comes his way. But for most men this behavior is harmless. Let’s take a look at the 10 top reasons why men look at other women. When you know why, you might understand him better.

Should you try and change him?

If his behavior bothers you, you should absolutely raise your concern and see if he is willing to change his behavior.

1. He finds her attractive

Most humans enjoy looking at beautiful things.

This is especially true when it comes to men and attractive women. Most men thoroughly enjoy good-looking women.

When you are his girlfriend it’s important to remember that it is a big difference between finding someone attractive and being attracted to them.

Window shopping

Wanting to pursue someone is an even further step away. Looking usually means just looking.

That’s why it’s called window shopping.

You have no plans to enter the store and make a purchase, you are simply enjoying the display.

2. He is a sexual being

When a man looks at another woman, he is the victim of a biological need. He is born with a sex drive and that drive is focused on spreading his seed. That’s what drove him into your arms, to begin with.

It’s in his blueprint

I know it’s a crass way of putting it. But you need to hear the truth.

Knowing that his behavior is more of a biological blueprint than him actively trying to make you upset, will make you handle the situation better.

3. It’s a learnt behavior

One of the reasons why men look at women is that it is a cultural behavior they have learned growing up. Maybe he had a father or other relative that looked at women. Or it was just a custom among his friends when they entered adolescence.

In Cuba, men look a lot at women. In Sweden on the other hand, it is considered rude and sexist and not many people would do it.

Well, the men might still do it, but so discreetly that you wouldn’t notice.

4. He is not good at hiding it

This brings me to my next point, most nice considerate guys would not look at other women in front of you. He knows that this kind of behavior will make you upset and jealous or at the very least; uneasy. Thus, he only does it when you are not around.

Other guys are not as smooth.

You could say that all men look at attractive women, but most men do it so discreetly that you would never know.

5. He is a bit insensitive

So maybe your man is not the best at adapting to society’s cues. He might not realize that his behavior can come across as offensive. 

Or he is a bit lacking in empathy so he doesn’t understand why him appreciating other women would rub you the wrong way.

According to him, his behavior doesn’t mean anything and you shouldn’t take it as an insult.

6. He gets a dopamine hit

Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty of why men look at other women. When he looks at someone attractive, he gets a hit of dopamine.

When we do something that is sanctioned by our body and our biology, for example eating, our body releases a potent mix of hormones that fill up our body with the sensation of pleasure. Our body tells us that this is an enjoyable activity and thus encourages us to do it more.

7. She happens to be his type

This is probably the reason that you least of all want to hear. But I’m sure that you check out guys who are your type.

If you like tall and dark guys and one of them comes along, you will make sure to check him out.

You want to see if he appeals to you as much as you expect him to do.

So yes, your man is more inclined to take a second, and a third look, when a lady that fits his type, walks past him.

8. He doesn’t think he is doing anything wrong

If you haven’t brought up the subject with him, he might have no idea that his behavior hurts you. He might subscribe to the school that thinks looking is innocent.

In fact, he might assume that you check out hot guys that come your way.

His intention is pure and innocent

He knows he is dedicated to you and therefore there is no harm in looking. The looking doesn’t mean so much to him, so he thinks it doesn’t mean all that much to you either.

He might be looking the way one would look at a beautiful flower or a beautiful building. He is looking at the Eiffel tower, but he has zero desire to move in.

9. He might want your attention

On the flip side of this coin, there is a more sinister reason.

He might look at other women as a means to manipulate you. Manipulation is not always a conscious strategy.

It’s more of a coping mechanism we learned early on.

He might not feel as much love from you as he needs, but when he looks at other women, he gets your undivided attention. You become upset and he gets the satisfaction of being important to you.

He wants love

You might object and say that you already give him enough love and attention. But if he has low self-esteem, even a huge amount of love will not be enough. He is not seeing the world as it is, but rather through glasses tinted by personal inadequacy.

Check out our article Manipulative Behavior, to learn more.

He tries to make you jealous

In other words, he is not even interested in other women, but he wants you to feel jealous and insecure and this is exactly the right way to achieve this outcome.

This might be a conscious decision, he is trying to hurt you, and if that’s the case, your relationship might be toxic. Read our guide here 13 signs of a toxic relationship.

10. He is curious

As humans, we look at things because we are curious.

We study everything around us. We are present and awake, it’s in our nature.

When we look at beautiful people, the driving force behind this is most often genuine curiosity?

Who is she?

We ask ourselves; where is she from? Is she also kind? What does she do for a living? How come she looks the way she does?

Humans are intrigued by each other. We long to find out more. This is a healthy impulse, and it all starts with our eyes. We take in the world with our eyes.

Is he being disrespectful?

Now we move on to the million-dollar question, are you justified in being upset? Is he being mean?

There is no general consensus around this question. It is not a black-and-white question.

Let him enjoy female beauty

Some women will even go so far as to point out beautiful women to their man and thus give him permission to look. This strategy is recommended at different places around the internet.

And for a truly confident person in a healthy relationship, this can absolutely work.

But if you are not there yet, better to be honest with your feeling.

Don’t make it about you

He is looking for many reasons that have nothing to do with you.

So, don’t jump to conclusions and take his behavior as a sign that something is wrong with him or with your relationship.

It was a habit he had before he met you

After all, before he met you, this behavior was totally ok.

Before he entered a relationship, him longingly checking out every attractive woman was a sign of a healthy heterosexual man, ready to go after the women his heart desired.

Now he has entered into the grey zone and this is just the kind of situation where communication is key. Ask him why he looks at other women, to better understand his point of view.

Ask him what he thinks about you checking out other guys

Maybe he has no problem with you enjoying some eye candy. Still, this sort of question can make him put himself in your shoes.

Understanding where the other person is coming from is vital for a healthy relationship.

Ask him to stop

If he is a nice considerate guy, he will absolutely change his behavior if you ask him nicely.

Be vulnerable when you have this conversation. Describe your feelings. Tell him that you wish that you were more confident, but as things stand now, you are not comfortable with him checking out other women.

For most men, stopping this behavior is not a big sacrifice and something they will be more than happy to do for the woman in their life.

Let him look

The other alternative is to work with yourself so that you get less upset. After all, he is in love with you, you are the one he chose and to whom he is dedicated to. Looking is not going to change that.

When you let him look without getting upset, he will sense that you trust him and that you respect him for who he is. This way, allowing him to check out other women can strengthen your relationship. He will feel free to be himself.

When your man looks at other women online

I felt I should address this point, since it’s very common nowadays for men to be following different attractive women online. It’s a bit icky, right?

It’s important to remember that just like video games, apps are designed to catch our attention and make us addicted. There is a reason why it’s called “mindless scrolling”. Your reptile brain is running the show. Also, remember that those women have it as their business to flaunt themselves and attract exactly this sort of male attention.

It’s money running the show, not a genuine connection.

Since sexuality is a huge part of men’s biological wiring, they are especially receptive to images and videos of attractive women.

Ask him to stop

If his behavior is harmful to you and to the relationship, the two of you should come up with a set of rules that both of you feel comfortable living by. It has to be a compromise, where both of you feel like your needs are considered.

Don’t shame him for his behavior, it is a form of addiction.

At the same time, it’s not necessarily more harmful than looking at luxury cars online. We all have a need for escapism from time to time.

A final note

Now you know all the different reasons why men look at other women. You might still want him to stop. That’s totally ok, a relationship is built on getting to know each other and respecting each other’s boundaries. You are entitled to ask him for what you need.