Why do guys change after you sleep with them?

And what to do to keep him hooked

We have all been there, everything was going fine. Your new guy seemed to be really into you. Always calling, texting, and making plans. You had no idea that he would become one of those guys who change after you sleep with them.

He has gone radio-silent

You felt confident. You started to think that you had found someone special. And then something happened, to be more exact; The two of you had sex—a natural development of the relationship.

Only now, he has stopped making plans with you, and your phone hasn’t been this quiet since 2001.

The 6 top reasons why a guy change after you sleep with him

The reasons behind this come down to these 6 reasons. 1. He only wanted sex. 2. He was not seeing the real you. 3. The thrill of the chase. 4. You changed. 5. Things got serious. 6. The sexual chemistry was not there.

Can you stop him from changing?

You are left wondering what the fuck did you do?

Why do guys change after you sleep with them? And, more importantly, what could you have done differently?

Postponing sex forever just doesn’t seem to be the correct strategy.

There are several different reasons why men change their behavior after you sleep with them. Understanding more about this male phenomenon will give you the tools to deal with the situation accordingly.

1. He only wanted sex

This is the guy who usually gets named the asshole and slandered by your friends.

Whatever he told you, whatever he made you believe, was a lie by omission. The truth was that he only wanted sex.

Maybe he even had himself convinced that he wanted something more. That’s why he seemed so genuine. Most people are not pathological liars, but most people deceive themselves.

When the two of you had sex, he discovered that sex was all he wanted from you.

You can’t know beforehand

There is no way to protect yourself from this behavior. There are no signs you could have used to figure him out beforehand. Guys who change after you sleep with them don’t come with a big warning sign.

Don’t beat yourself up

Sure, you can wait a bit longer before you sleep with someone, but that’s not going to change the outcome in these cases.

Because in the end, you have to have sex with him and see where the relationship goes after that. You have to try. That’s how we find out the truth about someone’s intention and character.

It’s not about you

Don’t take this behavior too hard or too personally.

Probably there are guys in your past who you thought was good enough for sex but not good enough for a relationship. And sometimes, that difference didn’t become apparent until you indeed did have sex with him.

There are a lot of people we can imagine having sex with and only a few people we can imagine having a relationship with.

2. He did not see clearly

This reason is connected to the first reason. But this point helps explain why even nice guys are guilty of changing their behavior after you have slept with them.

When a man is attracted to a woman, everything she says is interesting. Her jokes are the funniest ones he has ever heard, and she looks like a goddess.

Basically, he sees a romanticized and sexualized version of you.

He starts seeing the real you

This is a nice thing and clearly beneficial for our survival as a species.

But when he does reach the evolutionary goal, A.K.A., your bedroom, part of this Goethe-worthy picture is shattered.

The romantic illusion is shattered

He starts seeing both you and the future relationship between the two of you in a more realistic light. Doubt creeps in, and his feelings cool down as a result. Beforehand he was crazy about you. Now he puts the brakes on things.

Your jokes are just not as funny anymore.

He might even think that you have changed, when in fact, it’s only his perception of you that has changed.

3. The thrill of the chase

Another aspect that plays into this mechanism of not seeing clearly is that the thrill of pursuing someone is a rush in itself.

A rush that also paints the objective in a more attractive light. If we try and obtain something, we automatically assume it’s worthy of our time.

He saw you in a glorified light

It’s true what you suspected. He was enjoying the thrill of the chase more than he was enjoying your company.

As one of our interviewees said, “A girl can be amazing and do everything right, but for some reason, when we know we have her, we still might lose interest.”

Yeah, any guy can be one of those guys who change after you sleep with him.

4. You changed

Funny enough, men also google, “why does everything change after you sleep with someone.”

But more often than not, they mean why women become so needy after sex has entered the relationship.

Emotional attachment

Why does she suddenly think she is entitled to your schedule? To meet your friends or even your parents? Why does she change from a cool, easygoing chick that didn’t even know your last name, to someone that’s just too emotionally attached?

Sex might not mean as much to him

First of all, women tend to view sex as taking the relationship to the next level.

For a man, the decision to have sex with a woman often has nothing to do with whether he has decided to take the relationship to a more serious place.

He simply wants to have sex with you. The sex doesn’t mean anything. In his mind, he reserves the right to be one of those guys who change after you sleep with them.

Oxytocin Happened

On top of this sad misunderstanding, there is also a biological reason why women get more attached after sex.

When we have sex, the love hormone oxytocin is released, making us bond and feel like we are in love. The love hormone paints the man in a more favorable light.

Oxytocin makes you forget that he is a 34-year-old college dropout who still lives in his parent’s basement. Oxytocin doesn’t care about that little detail; oxytocin starts shopping for a wedding dress.

The chemistry is different for men

Men don’t have this experience to the same degree.

On the contrary, they can often feel that they need space and need to find themselves again after sex. So yes, things do change after sex. Being aware of this will make you better prepared to deal with those changes.

5. Things got serious

I could have mentioned this obvious point upfront. But I think you already knew.

We can all try and deny it, but we all know that things get more serious after sex.

Men might not feel that things get more serious after sex for them. But they do know that for most women, things are now more serious. The woman in question doesn’t even have to say something. Most men have been around long enough to know how women generally work.

Having second thoughts

In this way, having sex takes your relationship to the next level for both of you. This can lead to second thoughts for the man in question. He might not want a serious relationship. He might not want a serious relationship with you.

He feels the need to withdraw

The natural way to deal with this doubt is to pull away. He is going to take some time to think things through and, at the same time, show you that a relationship might not be what is in the making for the two of you.

6. The sexual chemistry was not there

Sex is very important for most men. Amazing sex is a vital part of a relationship they would want to pursue. Thus, if the sex wasn’t all that great, there is a possibility that the reason everything changed is, in fact, sex-related.

It takes two to tango

I don’t think you should second guess your ability in the bedroom. But it’s still worth mentioning that one reason for the changed behavior could be that the sex was not as intense and steamy as he had hoped for.

If you want to improve your sensual side, we recommend our articles 13 Things guys like in bed but won’t‘ ask for and Sex tips for women.

Solutions and how to keep him hooked

If a man changes his behavior after you sleep with him, the best thing you can do is keep your cool. Don’t chase him. Give him time to make his own decision in regard to you.

In the meantime, stay true to yourself and focus on your own life. We all want to be with someone who has a fun life with lots of passion projects.

Don’t regret the sex

Don’t feel bad over the fact that you had sex with him. Don’t think that waiting with the sex would have given you a better result. If he changed behavior after sex, it wasn’t because you slept with him too soon.

It was because he didn’t feel enough non-physical attraction for you. He was not hooked enough on your personality.

Keep yourself and your expectations in check

Try and keep your objectivity. You had sex, but that doesn’t mean that he is automatically the right guy for you. He is another human being, and he comes with perks and disadvantages. He is not the only guy out there.

If he is one of those guys who change after you sleep with them, he might not be worthy of your admiration.

Don’t use sex as a way to achieve intimacy

Question your own behavior and feelings. It’s important not to use sex as a tool to try and increase intimacy in a relationship that wasn’t intimate enough for you to begin with.

Don’t use sex as a strategy to get something (like a bigger commitment) from the man in question.

Stay true to yourself

You will feel used when your plan doesn’t work out. If you, on the other hand, sleep with someone because you want to have sex with them, and you don’t have an ulterior motive, you will feel OK even if he changes his behavior.

You can’t control the future

If this is too hard for you, I get it. Sex is emotional. It should be. What is the point of sex without feelings? It’s like eating food without taste.

If you know you are going to get emotionally attached and hurt, the best solution is to refrain from sex until you are certain that the man in question is hooked on you and there is a lot of psychological attraction from his side.

You had to take the risk

Express your needs by telling him how you feel beforehand. But even if you try this strategy, in the end, you cannot know. You just have to jump into the deep end and sleep with him.

We can’t control the outcome of every situation. The most important thing is to be brave and to try and understand and control our own emotions.