How to handle the situation and what you can do to keep your sanity
Love. It’s a complicated thing. We all want love in our lives. To fall in love, to be loved. We want an amazing relationship full of affection and admiration. But sometimes, you find yourself in a relationship where you are the one who loves more, and you wonder how to handle the situation.
When you are the one who loves more – The crash course
Don’t consider your situation as a problem or a sign of weakness. To be able to love intensely and deeply is a form of strength.
Consider the possibility that it might not be true that you are the one who loves more. Everyone has different ways of showing their love.
Take a step back and focus on yourself so that your partner doesn’t feel suffocated by your love. Work on yourself and on improving your confidence.
When one person loves more
When we are single, we often think that we will get love when we get into a relationship. Those two things seem to be synonymous.
No such luck, unfortunately. It’s possible to be in a relationship and not feel loved.
Relationships are complex, and sometimes frustrating. One common problem in many relationships is that one person loves more. For this person, the relationship is more important than what it seems to be to the other person.
It’s ok to be the one that loves the most
In many relationships, the person who loves the most shifts over time. In other relationships, the person who is most invested stays the same. To be the person who loves more can be very difficult. But there are several different ways to deal with this problem.
In this text, I will give you the answer to what to do if you are the one who loves the most.
Love is Strength
OK, so you are the one who loves the most. This conclusion hurts. Your ego gets a bit brushed, and your self-esteem might be knocked down a couple of steps.
To deal with this situation, put your emotions in another framework. Don’t look at your ability to feel passionately only as a sign of weakness and a problem. There are two sides to this coin, one positive and one negative.
You are brave
Let’s start with the positive side first. To be able to love more is actually brave and, in some cases, a sign of personal strength. You should be proud of yourself and your ability to love.
The flip side
The negative side of the coin is that if you are the one who loves more, you might get fearful and afraid of losing the relationship. You can also become frustrated when your partner needs time for themselves or when your partner doesn’t reciprocate your signs of affection the way you would like.
Often, if you are the one who love the most, you are a combination of the two sides.
What you need to do to ensure your mental health and the relationship’s survival is to take a couple of steps closer to the positive side. You need to celebrate your ability to love and let go of the fear and frustration.
How to keep his affection
Still feeling insecure? Check out our article How to make him miss you. The good news is that keeping a man’s affection is not rocket science. Follow the advice in that article, and you will have done everything in your power to keep your love story strong and healthy.
It Might not be True
You think you are the person who loves moret. But everyone shows their love differently.
We never know exactly what is going on in the depths of another person. We can ask them to tell us; we can take a guess, and we can analyze their behavior.
But we can never be sure. Your partner might love you exactly as much as you love them. Maybe they even love you more, but they show their love differently or are better at hiding their love.
Their behavior might have another source than lack of love
What you think is a lack of love on their part might be something else.
It might be a lack of self-esteem, a need for control, or a fear of being hurt. We all have different ways to protect ourselves and our feelings.
Love is scary
Many people feel that love is a weakness, and if they allow themselves to love too much, the risk of being hurt is too big. They simply cannot do it. Your partner might fall into this category without even knowing it.
Different ways of showing love
We often talk about loving our partners exactly as they are, but we seldom do this.
We should not put up with bad behavior. But make sure that you are generous regarding your partner, see your partner for whom they are, appreciate the unique way they love you, and show their love for you.
To make this strategy easier to implement, you can ask your partner about different ways they show their love to you that you might not yet be aware of. This strategy makes you more intuned with their love language.
Unhealthy love: Put on a pedestal
You should respect and appreciate your partner for whom they are and what they bring to the table. Don’t expect them to change too much on your behalf.
At the same time, you should also take a critical look at the relationship. When we feel sad and frustrated over something, it’s often a sign that we are not getting our needs met.
Is your relationship a healthy one?
If you are the one who loves more, there is a risk that your love is unhealthy. A healthy behavior is one that serves you in your interaction with other people. It should also make you feel at peace.
An unhealthy behavior and an unhealthy relationship will eat away your self-esteem and self-respect. You will feel insecure and fearful.
We often ignore bad behavior from a partner because we desperately want love. But a love that doesn’t meet your needs is not worth much.
You think the world of your partner
If you are the one who loves more, there is a big risk that you diminish yourself and put your partner on a pedestal.
You might be stuck thinking that he is smart and good-looking, and you are a complete wreck compared to him.
Let me tell you something; it’s your fear of losing him that makes him smart and good-looking.
You are as good as him
He is OK, just like a lot of other men out there. He is no half God. So what if he is hotter than you? (He probably isn’t.) Looks are only skin deep.
Our looks are a random handout, we don’t deserve them, and they don’t say anything about our character. Putting your partner on a pedestal hurts the relationship because you give away too much of your power. Try and view your partner in a more realistic light.
If you want to make sure that he stays in love with you, check out our article How to make someone stay in love with you.
Take a Step Back
Another risk with loving the most is that you and your effort for the relationships are being taken for granted. You don’t get the respect and appreciation you deserve.
Instead, you do a lot of work, but your partner never seems to notice. This might give you the feeling of putting effort and affection into a big black hole.
You work on the relationship; your partner doesn’t do anything.
If this sounds familiar, I have a tip for you; take a step back. Stop doing a lot of the things that you consider being you working on the relationship and taking care of your partner and showing him your love.
Don’t do all the work in the relationship
Often when we are working too hard to please and satisfy someone else, they haven’t even asked for our effort. We hand it out and expect love in return.
Remember the old saying; give without expecting something in return. This is especially true in a romantic relationship. If you give only to receive something similar from your partner, it’s not giving at all.
It’s a transaction and a transaction your partner didn’t sign under on.
Stop rowing the boat
Sometimes, you are in a boat, and you keep rowing, and the other person feels like he is only a passenger. To check out what is going on, stop rowing. See what’s happening.
This will give your partner a chance to try rowing the boat. It’s important to combine this strategy with talking to your partner. Ask him how he sees the situation.
Stop doing all the work. Take a step back. With a bit of luck, your partner will seize the opportunity and step up their game.
Work on Yourself
Sometimes we love as a way of escaping ourselves. We focus so much of our attention and energy on the other person because we don’t want to look too closely at ourselves.
All our thoughts are occupied with our partner and what’s going on in the relationship. Thus we simply don’t have time to think about everything wrong in our life and different ways to change our situation.
Put yourself first
This love is a form of laziness and fear and originates in low self-esteem.
It’s like we are not even worth our own thoughts, but a romantic partner is worth our thoughts, energy, and effort. In some ways, it’s not real love at all. It’s about you, your self-esteem, and your ability to take care of yourself.
Do an inventory of yourself
If you think this sounds familiar, time to change your strategy and make yourself your top priority. Stop focusing on your partner. Don’t try and predict his needs and his behavior.
Center yourself around you. Who do you want to be in the world? What are your passions and life goals?
Consider therapy as a way to work on your self-esteem
Every time you think about your partner and his love for you, or lack of love, gently bring yourself back to you.
What are your goals for that particular day? It doesn’t have to be something huge. Your goal can be something as sweet as calling your parents, not getting mad at your children, or planting new seeds for the kitchen garden.
Your life is about you
If you take care of yourself, you will automatically take care of others. But if you take care of others first, you will start resenting them for not giving back.
If you feel that the reason you are the one who loves the most is deep-rooted and goes way back to your childhood, I suggest therapy. Therapy is the best way to get to know yourself and work on a healthy relationship with yourself.
Be Prepared to Walk Away
To be the one who loves more is only destructive if you are not prepared to walk away. If you are afraid to lose your significant other, you become clingy and desperate.
Your life will be full of fear, and you will not enjoy the relationship you do have.
The love becomes a source of frustration, where you constantly try to get more from someone who cannot give you more.
If you often feel neglected and that his lack of love is unhealthy, you can check out 10 signs of an emotionally unavailable man.
Love in itself is not enough to make a relationship work
To get away from this destructive behavior, you simply have to be prepared to walk away.
Yes, this means loving your partner a bit less. This means knowing that you and your life will be perfectly fine without him. This means knowing in your heart that if he can’t give you what you need, someone else will, somewhere in the future.
Is it the right relationship?
We can love someone, but that doesn’t mean the relationship is the right relationship for us. Love is not in itself the only criterion for a relationship. There should also be enough appreciation and respect for you to get your needs meet.
If you make peace with the idea of walking away, you will be calmer and less attached. You will be able to be the one who loves the most with grace.
In conclusion
Love is beautiful. But it should not be an explanation and an excuse for a relationship that drains you of energy and make you sad and frustrated. Love should build you up, not put you down.
Love should make your life richer and more enjoyable. This should still be the case even if you are the one who love the most.
Moa Ailert is the founder and editor-in-chief of Her Brilliant Friend.
She has a bachelor’s degree in philosophy and plenty of insight into human psychology from traveling and living in different places around the world.
Moa is currently based in Portugal where she has a guesthouse; Villa dos Irmaos.
She has various websites, among others Ericeira Insider, but Her brilliant friend is her true passion project.
