12 Techniques and mindframes that make him open up more than he has ever done before
We all want emotional intimacy. We all want to feel seen, heard and appreciated. This holds true for the man in your life as well. Deep down, he wants the two of you to be close. But some people are afraid to open up. Thus, asking what makes a man open up to a woman is a great first step to a deep and intimate relationship.
In this article, you will learn exactly what it takes to form a strong and trusting relationship with the man in your life. The same techniques can be used on a man you are dating or a man you are friends with.
1. He knows that you respect him and like him
The first reason why a man chooses to open up to a woman is that he senses that you like him. We all want to be liked. We all like people who like us.
This is the uncomplicated answer.
Show him you like him and eventually, he will open up to you. He will want to get closer to you.
Respect him
But it’s important to add to this that the man in question also has to feel that you respect him. Respect is a very important quality for a man in any relationship. Men have been conditioned their whole life to work toward earning respect. This desire is a strong part of their character.
The mix between care and respect is a true aphrodisiac for men.
How to show respect
Be positive and affirmative towards his character traits and personal life goals. When you do this, he is more likely to open up to you, about all things.
Giving him space when he seems to need it is also a way in which you show him that you respect him.
2. He feels that you see the true him
It’s one thing to be liked, but we also want to be liked for the things that make us the unique person we are.
Consider a person who likes you but who you yourself don’t feel as warmly towards. One of the reasons is probably that you sense this person like the picture they have of you, rather than the real you.
Become better at seeing people
There is no way to fake seeing someone for who they truly are. You have to increase your ability to see other people.
Sometimes we are just too busy seeing ourselves and what we want out of the situation that we completely miss the other person and their needs and wants. Practice being less self-obsessed, and you will observe that more people, in general, open up to you. They feel seen by you because you truly see them.
3. You hold your ground
We want to open up to people; that is our natural instinct. Most men love to be able to open up to the right woman.
But (I know this will sound harsh), we don’t want to get too close to someone who is too needy. We want to open up to someone who is strong, confident and generally has their life together.
Know who you are
This ties in with the point I made above. Some people are just too eager to please. They go out of their way to please a man and as a result, the man ends up being less interested in them.
I’m going to be even harsher and say that it has to do with status. People put each other in boxes. They want closeness with people who can stand their ground. People who will be OK even without them.
Having your own identity and your own clear goals will actually make a man more likely to open up to you. Work towards getting to know yourself and your boundaries better. We trust people who have integrity.
4. He values your intelligence and opinions
Men often open up about problems because they seek solutions. So, when he opens up about his difficult boss or troubled brother, he actually wants your advice.
The more you can show that you make good choices and are a generally intelligent and thoughtful person, the more likely a man is to open up to you.
Bring forward smart solutions
Men are solution oriented and they like to weigh different possible strategies to deal with a specific problem.
The more you can show up and point out creative solutions, the more likely he is to keep opening up to you.
5. You have earned his trust
Calm and confident people do vet the people they bring into their life. There is a reason why we trust our oldest friends the most.
Well-balanced people don’t open up about their biggest problems and deepest secrets to someone they just meet.
Don’t expect instant trust
Thus, if you want to earn a man’s trust, don’t rush the process. It’s normal that it takes time for us to open up to someone. This is even a sign of a healthy relationship. Instead of focusing on making him open up, do activities together.
Men feel emotional closeness when they are engaged in an activity they enjoy doing. No talking is needed. The connections deepen naturally by the two of you spending quality time together.
6. He feels admired
Time to give you a smart and sneaky trick. Men love to feel like they bring value. They thrive when they are allowed to play an important role and are getting praise for their performance.
If you want the quickest answer to what makes a man open up to a woman, admiration is the way to go.
Admiration is like sunshine on his soul
Of course, your admiration has to come from a genuine place. But if you like the man, I’m sure there is plenty of things to admire about him. Make sure he knows why you think he is special and worthy.
Nothing like a well-aimed compliment when you want a man to open up to you as a woman.
The compliment will be even more effective if it is about something that he likes about himself but seldom receive praise about.
8. The right questions make a man open up to a woman
Have you ever met someone who just seems to ask so many interesting questions that you find yourself talking for an hour straight?
Yes, asking questions is the best way to get someone, anyone, to open up. A smart trick is to ask questions about the things that the person is interested in. Most of us love to talk about our passions. If he likes to golf, ask about golf. Be interested in the answer.
One good conversation leads to more good conversations
You might object that you want him to open up about his traumatic childhood, not about his latest golf trip to Tenerife. You are not really interested in his golf handicap.
But the more comfortable he feels talking to you, the more comfortable he will feel talking to you about anything. Be interested in all the different sides of his personality and eventually he will willingly answer you when it comes to the things you want to know.
7. Consistency and congruency
To make a man open up to you is, in many ways, about earning his trust. The more he trusts you, the more he will open up.
The best way to earn someone’s trust is by showing up consistently.
Show him that you are a person capable of being consistent by showing up in a consistent way in your own life.
Consider the different areas where you may lack consistency and see in what ways you can become more consistent in your relationship with yourself. Since the relationship we have with ourselves reflects in our other relationship, the result will be that you show up more consistently, generally speaking.
Also, consider how you would make a child open up to you and how important consistency would be in that relationship. Deep down, we are all frightened children.
Congruency
Make sure your action and words line up. If you promise to do something, follow through. Congruency builds trust. Check out our article on How to get someone to open up emotionally for 4 powerful strategies to achieve emotional intimacy.
8. When he can sense that you are fully present
The thing about listening is that we can always sense if someone is genuinely interested in what we have to say, or if they are secretly thinking about their own problems.
We open up to people who are great listeners. It is a true pleasure to really be listened to, (that’s why people pay therapists.)
You are a great listener when you are truly present. It is that simple.
Stop your inner monologue
If you have a voice in your head telling you about yourself and your troubles, you are not fully present.
Practice being more present and the man you want to open up to you will indeed open up. Meditation helps, and different mindful exercises also help.
In this dance that is life, we all want to be well-liked and magnetic. If you feel you could improve in this area, check out my article How to be more charismatic as a woman.
9. You opening up to him
Another smart trick, when you ask what makes a man open up to a woman, are you leading the way by opening up to him.
You have to be vulnerable. Because vulnerability is one of those qualities that inspire people to reciprocate. Take a moment and reflect on what vulnerability means to you and those moments in your life when you have been truly vulnerable.
Chances are that if you feel this man is not opening up enough to you, you are also not opening up enough to him.
Tell him things that are deeply personal to you
Try telling him something important that you have never told anyone before. There is a special kind of magic that happens when you share things about yourself for the first time.
Another technique is to tell the same stories you often tell people, for example, why you chose the career you chose. But challenge yourself to tell the story in a completely new way. You are not allowed to just repeat the sentences you always use.
Examine these hidden layers of the stories of your life. We are all multilayered.
10. You don’t push him to open up
Asking for our needs is usually a good thing. But sometimes we have to use a sprinkle of reverse psychology. A lot of men resent being told what to do. They want to make their own decisions. Fair enough.
Earn his trust over time
Make sure you never push a man to open up to you. Trust has to be earned. Trust is also something that is earned over time. Respect his boundaries and his right to privacy and in return, he will respect you.
Since he respects you, he will naturally want to open up to you. When you want to build rapport with another human, it is important not to use any manipulative strategies as those always hurt the relationship long term.
For this reason, I recommend my article Manipulative behavior examples. By knowing these, you become aware of what not to do.
11. Don’t be judgmental
People don’t like them when you tell them who they are or what they should do.
They certainly don’t like it when you criticize them or are negative towards their behavior.
If you are a negative and judgmental person, your man probably doesn’t want to open up to you.
Negativity stems from fear
Don’t beat yourself up, we are all afraid, and we all want to protect ourselves. Moving forward, just try being more positive and more affirmative.
12. Tell him you like it when he opens up to you
People are complicated, we are also surprisingly simple.
The easiest way to get a man to open up to you is to tell him how much you like and appreciate it when the two of you share deeper conversations.
Positive reinforcement
Every time he opens up to you, even if it’s in a very small way, tell him that you like it and that it makes you feel connected to him.
Tell him that you appreciate him opening up to you. He will know your need and he will try to deliver on that need. People instinctively want to be there for each other. That’s how we thrive. This is one of the most effective techniques when you ask what makes a man open up to a woman.
A Final Note
Deep down in him, there is a part of him that wants to open up.
Even when he shuts down, remember that all people desire emotional closeness. There is no exception. Human connection is our strongest longing.
But some of us have trauma associated with getting too close to other people.
Because of this, it’s important that you respect a man’s boundaries and allow him the time he needs to open up.
Of course, you should also respect your own needs. Be clear about the level of intimacy you need to move forward and act in accordance with your needs.
Becoming better at hearing people will benefit you in all areas of life. This is a valuable skill and just like any other skill, it can be improved. Practice the advice I have laid out here. You will be a woman people are drawn to. Men will open up to you.
Moa Ailert is the founder and editor-in-chief of Her Brilliant Friend.
She has a bachelor’s degree in philosophy and plenty of insight into human psychology from traveling and living in different places around the world.
Moa is currently based in Portugal where she has a guesthouse; Villa dos Irmaos.
She has various websites, among others Ericeira Insider, but Her brilliant friend is her true passion project.
