Tired of being single

9 unusual strategies to make the most of singlehood

I think the worst thing about being single is that you don’t have an end date. You don’t know if you will be single for 1 year, 10 years or 20 years. In fact, many times you fear that you will never find love again. So, if you are tired of being single, I hear you, sister.  

Is there a solution?

The second worst thing is that you don’t know how to solve your problem. If you are unemployed, you work on developing new skills and sending out resumes. If you are unhappy, you try to find things you are passionate about and incorporate them into your life.

But when you are single against your will, it often feels like all your efforts (all those dead-end Tinder dates) yield zero results. It’s been years, and you are still single.

1. Work on yourself

When you are single, you often feel like you are wasting time. You are just waiting around, hoping that on your next birthday, you will have found that special someone. Or that next New Year, you will not be alone; you will have someone to kiss.

But if you view these years as partly wasted, you are doing yourself a huge disservice.

On the contrary, these years can be the most fruitful and exciting of your life. I think that if you knew the exact date when you would meet the one, you would truly enjoy these single years and make the most of them. You wouldn’t have to worry.

You have the time to get to know yourself

Relationships take a lot of time. They also force you to compromise. Read my article Relationships are overrated, for a more nuanced view.

To work on yourself, ask yourself about the things you always wanted to experience in your life. Make a bucket list. Start attacking that very list as someone who only has a limited time left to live. Accomplishing your dreams while being single, will help you stop being tired of your relationship status.

2. Work on your career

I will say this, my single friends usually have great careers.

It’s like they are able to channel all that extra time and energy into becoming successful. If you are not already doing it, I recommend pouring yourself into your life’s mission.

When you finally find your forever relationship, you will be grateful for the fact that you created an amazing career for yourself. You will be able to rip the fruits of your labor like never before.

Sure, it’s not exactly fun to burn the midnight oil. But it does have a romantic quality.

Find passion in your career

Always wanted to write a book? Start your own business? Become a successful motivational speaker? Now is the time. You have love to give. Instead of giving it to a person, give it to your aspirations. I know you have them.

3. Find out what’s keeping you single

I’m sure you have asked yourself that very question a million times. Your friends have probably pitched in with their theories. Late at night, you scan the internet, trying to come up with new answers, just to find the one that resonates the most.  

Even if you do come up with an answer, you have no idea if it’s the correct one. Maybe you just haven’t found the right man yet?

But knowing a bit about the why will give you peace of mind. You will also know what to work on.

Where in the process do you fail?

Is it hard for you to fall in love? Do you get bored a couple of months into every relationship? Is it the guy who always breaks things off? I recommend my articles How to stop being Desperate and I have nothing to offer in a relationship -How to fix this mindset.

4. Take a break from dating

Trying to find someone is stressful.

If you have been trying for quite a while, I recommend Reverse psychology. It sounds crazy, but it does work.

Tell yourself that you are absolutely not allowed to meet someone for the next 3 months; you are not allowed to fall in love or even be attracted to a man. Instead, take the time to focus on yourself and healing yourself. When you are tired of being single, this medicine is the best remedy.

Step away from your desire

To stop trying is liberating, you might even extend it to 6 months or a year.

You only feel like a failure because you are looking. The moment you stop looking, you are no longer single. You are just living your life. Since you are single, you have eons of time. Enjoy it, spend it wisely.

You can also read my very popular article Giving up on love.

5. Find your own happiness

If you can’t be happy on your own, you will never be happy in a relationship. I know it sounds harsh, but it is the truth and you need to hear it.

You might think that all those coupled-up people are bursting with happiness. But ask yourself this simple question; were you happy in your previous relationships?

And I don’t only mean if you were happy with your partner; I mean, were you happy with your job, your apartment, your hobbies?

If not, there is work to be done, regardless if you are single or not.

Improve your life

Spend your extra energy trying to create your dream life. Make a vision board for yourself. Get to know yourself on a deep level by asking yourself important questions.

Ask yourself what you would like to do with your future boyfriend. Cook nice dinners? Travel? Have deep conversations? Do those exact things but with yourself. That’s how you create a loving relationship with yourself.

6. Step away from social media

While researching this article, I found a lot of references to social media and how hard it can be to have a first-row seat to other people’s happy relationships while still being single.

Not to mention the little fact that social media hardly displays reality. Social media seems to increase single people’s sense of loneliness.

I wouldn’t know, because I rarely use social media. I don’t have Instagram or Facebook. One of the reasons is that it made me unhappy to constantly being bombarded with the social media version of other people’s lives.

You can quit social media

If you are tired of being single, I want you to know that you don’t have to look. Social media, in itself, makes us unhappy.

I recommend deleting the apps (or only checking once a week) and check if this simple step increases your happiness.

7. Make a practical plan

Uncertainty is a big stress factor. When you are single, you don’t know what will happen. By having a practical plan for how to manage your life, regardless if you find someone or not, you will give yourself the safety you desperately crave. This step will make you less tired of being single.

Make sure you take care of yourself, improve your health and your financial situation. Decorate your flat so that you always feel comfortable in your home. Don’t postpone treating yourself. Give yourself all the love you wish someone else would give you.  

Challenge yourself to doing things on your own

I know it sucks to take that dream vacation or buy a flat on your own when you always imagined doing it with a significant other. But life doesn’t always turn out as we expected; that holds true for all of us.

Holding off on those milestones takes away your empowerment. If you want to have children, I suggest making a plan on how you can make this happen on your own.

Trust me, I know, this is not how you hoped things would turn out. But giving yourself the things you desire will make you stronger. It will also make you ready once the right person finally comes along.

8. Start a gratitude diary

As humans, we often become so focused on what we don’t have, that we don’t see everything we do have.

It’s a survival mechanism and a result of how we are wired on a biological level. But it’s not fruitful for our overall happiness.

If you are tired of being single, you are definitely suffering from this issue. It’s time to give both you and your subconscious a more balanced view.

When we are overfocused on a problem, for example being single, this becomes like a neon light in our brain. We risk attracting the very thing we are afraid of, by constantly focusing on that very thing.

Focus on the things you do have

The best way to mitigate this self-fulfilling prophecy is to have a gratitude diary. By switching your focus to the things you do have, you take away the intensity of your desire. If you are really stuck, I recommend writing in your gratitude diary the first thing in the morning and the last thing in the evening. List ten things you are grateful for and why you are grateful for them.

(You might not believe me, but this is the best way to meet someone.)

Write about your feelings

You don’t have to limit your diary time to writing about things you are thankful for. Instead, do a deep dive into your soul, your past, and all your issues. (Mind you, not on the same night, I’m talking months here.)

I write in my diary for one solid hour every evening before I fall asleep; of all the things I’ve done (including therapy,) this small habit has helped me the most.

9. Focus on the process, not the outcome

I mentioned in the beginning that the total lack of results can make you tired of being single. By now, you have met a lot of men and you have gotten your hopes up over and over again. It’s a soul-crushing endeavor.

You keep putting yourself out there and you keep not finding anyone. You go to parties and gatherings only to go home alone. It’s the same for me. Instead, give yourself credit for the things you do. View your efforts as a success.

Make achievable goals

For example, decide to go on one date a month; if you manage this goal, that is a success.

Don’t put meeting someone as your goal. Because that is an outcome you can’t control. Design a process around the thing you can control. If you can enjoy the process, even better.

Met new men

If you are wondering how to stop being single, the answer is surprisingly straightforward. You need to meet more men you haven’t met before. Do something regularly where the same people usually show up; this way, you will create connections and get invitations to other events. The other factor that plays into this equation is your inner world.

Your inner landscape determines the outcome

If you have a mental blockage against meeting someone, I could give you the perfect man, and you still wouldn’t go for him. You have to meet new people and you have to work on your inner landscape. One way of working on yourself is listening to this lady. Give it a go; she is amazing. She helped me stope being tired of being single.

A final note

When you meet the right person, you will be happy that you are single. You will be in a good place in your life. Self-confident and happy. You will be able to lean in for that first kiss and know that you don’t have any baggage and that you are completely and utterly ready to fall in love.