Should I tell him how I feel or walk away?

We give you the answer once for all

You like someone. He is great. The more you think about him and every little detail about him, the more you fall in love. There is only one problem: you don’t think he feels the same way, and you are in pain because of this. You wonder if you should tell him how you feel or if you should just walk away?

In most cases, this is the answer:

You should tell him how you feel AND walk away. Most likely he doesn’t share your feelings. By telling him how you feel you will get rejected. The rejection will make it easier for you to move on and eventually fall in love with someone else. If he does share your feelings, nothing to lose by telling him, go ahead and give it a try.

You have to do something if you have feelings for him

But of course, the question is a bit more complex and because of this we have done an extensive in-depth guide to the question “Should I tell him how I feel or walk away?”

First thing first, your instincts are right. It is one thing or another. You tell him how you feel, or you walk away.

You cannot keep him in your life. The feelings you have must come to a resolution. Right now, he and your feelings for him is an addiction. His attention gives you shots of pleasure. But since he is not yours for real, you keep hurting yourself.

By trying to get him you sabotage for yourself

You keep trying to convince him to choose you. You work hard at pleasing him and making him see how great the two of you could be if he only gave you a chance. This form of behavior is unhealthy and not good for your self-esteem.

If you want to get closure, you should tell him how you feel. If you, on the other hand, want to increase his attraction for you, consider just walking away. I will give you more information about how this might work if you continue reading.

Why you should tell him how you feel

To tell him how you feel are honest. A conversation usually makes things easier. You can ask him questions. By telling him how you feel instead of just walking away, you will give yourself closure.

When you decide to tell him, you will find out if he likes you or not. You will know, without doubt, how he regards you. No more analyzing his behavior or obsessing over small details. With a bit of luck, the truth will set you free.

In a vast majority of the cases, telling him how you feel will not change how he feels about you. So, if you are telling him how you feel to try and make him fall in love with you, you are bound to get disappointed.

If you still are unsure if he has feelings for you or not, check out our article How to tell if someone likes you.

You don’t increase his attraction for you by telling him how you feel

The problem with telling someone how you feel is that that kind of conversation, generally speaking, doesn’t create attraction. This is because telling him how you feel is a form of demanding something from him. By telling him how you feel you put pressure on him. In a majority of the cases, he will become defensive.

Unless he is very shy

Of course, in some cases, the opposite might be true. He might be in love with you. But he might be really shy and insecure. If you sense this being the case, you definitely should tell him how you feel. Check out our article How to get a shy guy for additional advice.

If he indeed likes you, congratulations, the two of you will have a sweet happy relationship.

Or he might catch your feelings when he finds out the truth

In some cases, telling someone you have feelings for them will make them get feelings for you too. For this process to occur, it’s important to give the guy in questions plenty of time on his own.

After you have had the conversation take a huge step back and give him plenty of space. Tell him how you feel, and afterward; walk away. Continue with your life and the things you are passionate about.

Tell him how you feel by sending him a message

When you are thinking about telling him how you feel, you should know that you don’t have to tell him in person. A simple text message is a great alternative. Write something short and sweet.

The upside with this strategy is that he will have time to think about how to respond. He will not feel the same amount of pressure as if you have an eye-to-eye conversation. Most likely, he will feel flattered rather than pressured.

You can also do the same with an email.

This alternative is actually brave. If he is a nice person, he will be impressed with your honesty and give you a nice, considerate reply regardless of his feelings.

Instead of telling him how you feel try increasing his attraction towards you

One reason why you would want to tell him how you feel is to increase his attraction. By telling him how you feel you hope you will stir something inside him. Just like in a romantic comedy, he will realize that you were the one. He will fall in love with you.

Unfortunately, most men don’t work like this. When it comes to men and attraction, they need some mystery to fall for someone. Men, generally speaking, need a bit of a “hunt.”

It’s not that you should play hard to get. You should be hard to get. If you tell him how you feel, you give away too much of your power. He will know he already has you and he will not get to go through the process of proving himself for you in order to get you.

We can fall in love with a friend

On a more positive note, our feeling does change. Many great relationships start as friendships. You can make him fall in love with you.

What you have to do is get out of the friend zone, read our article How to get out of the friend zone with a guy, and proceed accordingly.

I will give you a couple of short tips; show him that you find him desirable. Touch him in a flirty way and see if he reciprocates the behavior. Give him a compliment. Show more of your sensual flirty side when you are around him. Check out our article How to flirt with a man, and use all our tips at various times.

Have a plan for what happens after you tell him how you feel

Your feelings aren’t his responsibility. You are responsible for taking care of yourself. This holds true even on an emotional level. This is especially important to remember after you have told him how you feel. Your sadness is not his problem.

He might have led you on. Some men do this, and the reason is always the same. He likes the validation. He tricks you into liking him and your feelings make him feel better about himself. This is unfortunate, it makes him a person with low self-esteem, but it doesn’t make him an evil person.

Evolve your personality

Having your heart broken means you have to take the steps necessary to heal. Being in love with someone who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings usually gives you a certain restless energy.

Use this to your advantage. Get out more than you normally would. Say yes to a couple of things you usually say no to. Go on a journey. Find a new passion. Let your broken heart lead you to expand your horizon.

When you do walk away from this guy, have some interesting plans for what you want to do with your life. Make a list of things you want to achieve or experience in the next couple of months. This sort of activity will help you take your mind off him. Grow stronger as a result of your heartache. This is the true meaning of walking away.

Walk away if you are sure he doesn’t like you back

Are you leaning more against having the conversation and instead quietly disappearing from his life?

This alternative is the best alternative when you are sure he already knows how you feel. If he knows you like him, and he hasn’t done anything to move things forward, the simple, straightforward truth is that he doesn’t like you. Just like the book; He’s just not that into you.

He might like you as a friend, he might appreciate your humor and intelligence. But you don’t want to be stuck having feelings for someone who doesn’t feel the same way.

Does he talk about other women?

Does he talk about his dating life and other women around you? This is a clear sign that he doesn’t see you as a potential girlfriend. He is trying to friend zone you. (If he showcases this behavior and still likes you, he is very insecure and probably not someone you would want as a boyfriend anyway.)

If he is not very nice to you, I strongly recommend just walking away without telling him how you feel. He simply doesn’t deserve your feeling and he will probably not take care of your feelings. If you tell him how you feel, he might hurt you even more.

But what if he is nice to you sometimes?

Since you like him, he probably has periods of being nice to you. He can’t be mean all the time, right? Check out our article about manipulative behavior to understand people who try to take advantage of you. (Even if their procedure is to lure you to have feelings for them, so they feel better about themselves.)

Learning more about manipulative behavior will make you better at protecting yourself against toxic people. Knowledge is power.

If you have feelings for him, most likely he has encouraged you

Why do you think you got feelings for him in the first place? This is an important question, and you should dedicate a fair amount of time to come up with the answer or answers.

The first part of the answer is that he encouraged you. He gave you attention. He flirted with you. He led you on simply because it made him feel better about himself. He wanted an ego boost and you provided him with that.

This process might not even be conscious on his part. Most likely, this is something he does on a subconscious level. We all like to occasionally encourage someone we have no intention of having a relationship with. Become better at spotting this sort of people and avoid them accordingly.

Do you deserve love?

There is also one part of this question that reflects back to you. Do you think you deserve someone who falls in love with you?

The people who come into our lives are signposts of what is going on inside us. I know it sounds harsh, but someone can only fuck with your emotions if you allow them access to your inner landscape. If you didn’t care, things would not hurt.

To protect yourself from this, try not to develop feelings for the wrong person. I know this is hard to achieve.

Question why you like him

There is another version of this problem. Your love might not be about him at all. It might be about you. Is it really him you are seeing, or is it a fantasy version of him you have created in your brain?

Some people are afraid of love. They are afraid of real commitment, so their subconscious protects them from this by having them fall in love with men who are unavailable for one reason or another.

You falling in love with someone who doesn’t seem to reciprocate those feelings tells me that you have a destructive side. I’m sorry for my bluntness. We all have our dark passengers that we have to deal with.

Do you repeatably fall for the wrong men?

To be in love with someone is a beautiful thing. But if you have a habit of falling for men who don’t share those feeling, the common determinant are you. Who we fall in love with is not random. It is a sign of what’s going on inside you. It is also a sign of how highly you regard yourself. Harsh truths, I know. You have my sympathy.

The good news is that you can work on yourself. Our confidence and mental wellness are things that we can greatly improve. Check out our article How to appear more attractive as a woman.

Some of the answers might surprise you. I will also recommend finding a couple of new friends. Friends are the best thing for your mental sanity and the right friends will make your life so much better.

In Conclusion

When you decide whether you should tell him how you feel or walk away, there are many aspects to consider. As shown above, the answer will vary depending on how likely he is to share those feelings and what result you hope to achieve.

But the bottom line is that when you tell him how you feel, you do it for yourself. You don’t expect him to change. When you walk away, you do it for yourself. You don’t expect him to change his mind about you. You walk away to continue with this sweet unique life of yours.

You should tell him how you feel if you think there is a chance that he might not know how you feel and you realize that you do indeed want him to know.