Relationship moved too fast how to fix

We tell you how to get back on track

When you fall in love, happy hormones such as endorphins flood your body and, to some extent, even your mental capacity. There is something very seductive with a whirlwind romance. You just know that it’s right. But what if your new relationship started amazingly, but now everything is falling apart? If your relationship moved too fast, how do you fix it?

Don’t worry; we will tell you exactly what you should do.

How to fix things when the relationship moved too fast

If he is moving too fast, explain your feelings and suggest a phase that is suitable for you.

If things have been moving fast and he starts to withdraw, take a couple of steps back and give him all the space he needs.

He might never have been the person you thought he was. You can’t lose a relationship that is the right relationship for you.

Take a deep breath

That was the fast answer, but continue reading if you want a more in-depth analysis of the situation and different ways to handle things.

Not only can you fix a relationship that moved too fast, but you can also learn something from the experience.

The lure of moving too fast

Meeting someone and truly connecting with that person is an all-around amazing feeling. The two of you seem to be meant for each other. Words like soul mate are being mentioned.

Last week you didn’t know this person, but now it’s already exclusive, and official, and you are moving in together.

What the hell happened?

But wait a moment.

Is this really the right decision for you?

All of a sudden, you signed off your whole future to a person you don’t even know.

Doubt enters your mind. Things take a wrong turn. You start to discover new and unexpected things about your new partner, maybe even unpleasant things.

This is usually the exact point when you start thinking that he might not be the right guy for you at all. Let’s see if we can figure out what’s going on and how to fix it.

If he was moving too fast

Maybe he was just very excited about you? This is absolutly possible to fix.

Have a conversation with him and tell him how you feel. Explain that you need more alone time to be able to feel good.

Talk about what your exact needs are and what your fears are. If you are more introverted, you should tell him so. This is something most people can understand.

If you have a hard time letting someone in, this is the right moment to let him know.

Make sure you are warm and affectionate when you have this talk. You don’t want to give the vibe that you want to break up with him.

If he is the right guy, he will understand

If he is a nice, considerate person worthy of being in a relationship with, he will understand your points. He might even agree.

He will do his best to try and change his behavior. Reward him by being sweet and present when he does make an effort to comply with what you have told him.

One conversation should be enough.

If he doesn’t back off

If he keeps pushing you in different ways, he might be a very needy person and are probably not the man for you. If he wants to spend all the time together and, on top of that, constantly calling you, he might be love-bombing you.

Read our article Love bombing examples. It’s a real eye-opener.

He should be able to give you space

Watch out for this or similar behavior, since it’s a red flag. His behavior is not about you and how amazing you are. His behavior is a way to get control over you.

An emotionally mature person knows that it takes time, lots of time, to get to know another person and to find out if they are a good match or not.

If he is trying to rush the process, it’s a sign that he is hiding something.

If you were moving too fast

If lately, you have been the one pushing the relationship forward, just take a couple of steps back.

Don’t freak out.

He will not forget about you just because you don’t text and call him all the time. If your relationship moved too fast because of you, this problem is possible to fix.

Take a chill pill

Getting to know another person takes time.

You can’t fast-track to getting the knowledge of who they truly are. Bombarding someone with attention will not make him love you. He might fall in love with you, he might not.

We can’t convince another person to comply with the outcome we want. The future is out of your control. What you do know is that you need to take a chill pill and put the brakes on the relationship.

He needs some space. Let me explain exactly how to give him space the right way.

Lower the expectations

Space is a physical thing, but space is also a mental thing.

You should definitely give him psychical space, but just as important is to give him, and yourself, mental space.

Don’t think about the future. Don’t make plans for the future with your new man. Instead, try to enjoy the time you do spend together, without putting too much pressure on what it will all lead to.

Don’t overfocus on the future

Don’t try to push the relationship forward by hitting different marks, such as introducing him to your family and friends. Take a big breath and focus on just getting to know this new person who might or might not be the guy for you.

Be mindful of how you spend your time

When you fall in love, it’s easy to want to spend all your time with your darling. Resist this impulse, it’s sweet, but most of the time, this behavior doesn’t lead to a happy, healthy relationship.

Despite the fact that you have met someone, take the time to connect with friends and family and, foremost, with yourself.

When you enter a new relationship, it is easy to be all about the new relationship and lose track of yourself. To avoid this, take time to do the things you enjoy doing, on your own.

You are responsible for keeping yourself happy

The fact that you know how to be happy and content on your own gives your new partner freedom. This is what I mean by giving someone mental space. He is not responsible for taking care of you or entertaining you.

Also, take the time to think about how you spend your time with your new partner. If you or he feels that things are moving too fast, spend less time together.

But make the time you do spend together quality time. Do things together that make the two of you connect and feel meaningful for both of you. This is the best way to fix a relationship that moved too fast.

Try to be more critical to slow things down

I know, being more critical doesn’t sound like great advice, but let me explain.

If you have been moving too quickly, it tells me that you haven’t properly evaluated the relationship. You haven’t been critical enough towards your new man.

Instead, you have allowed your “fantasy man” to merge with this new man. Your new man has become your fantasy. You might have already started shopping for wedding dresses or picking out names for your future to-be children.

Observe the ways he is not perfect

Your feeling has carried you away from reality, and that’s nice. That’s what falling in love is partly about.

You see possibilities, you don’t see potential problems. But to slow down your feeling, you can think a bit more about how this person is not perfect. (No one is.)

Reel in those feelings

When your fantasies about your future carry you away (Hello honeymoon in the Maldives), bring your focus back to the things about him that are a little bit less ideal; for example, he works too much, or he doesn’t fully get your weird sense of humor.  

Moving too fast is not genuine

The funny thing about being crazy about someone too soon is that it doesn’t come off as genuine. Because it isn’t. You don’t know this person well enough to be that crazy about them.

Most likely, you are trying to fulfill your own romantic fantasy with them in the starring role. There is a big risk that the relationship is based on fantasy rather than reality.

View the real him

You haven’t seen the person for who they really are. And everyone likes to be seen for who they really are. Everyone wants someone who falls in love with them for who they really are.

To fix this particular aspect of a relationship that moved too fast, just acknowledge that he might not be all you are hoping he will be. See him as a real person.

Acceptance, Acceptance

Moving too fast, only to later completely withdraw their participation in the relationship, is a sign of an emotionally unavailable man.

These people search for a deep connection and strong love. Thus they have a tendency to rush into things. They also have a very deep-rooted fear of true intimacy. Therefore, after a while (this can be weeks or months), they become more and more withdrawn.

He might be emotionally unavailable

Often to the point that the man in question doesn’t even seem to be the same person, you fell in love with. He swept you off your feet and now you constantly feel like you are chasing him. If this is the case, you might be dealing with an emotionally unavailable man.

You can read more about emotionally unavailable men here at Her Brilliant Friend. How to Connect with an Emotionally Unavailable Man and 10 signs of an emotionally unavailable man

What if you are the one who is emotionally unavailable?

Do you have a tendency to move too fast in a new relationship, only to freak out and withdraw a couple of weeks later?

Answer honestly.

If this is the case, you have to look at your patterns and ask if it’s serving you and if not, try and break the pattern.

Handle with care

Next time you meet someone, force yourself to take things slow. Think about falling in love and starting a relationship as something highly addictive that should be handled with care.

Restrain yourself from having too much contact with your new crush. Instead, get to know him slowly.

Tell him about your struggles

If you have freaked out in this relationship but still want to try and save things, explain your problems with intimacy to him. Be open and vulnerable. If he is a nice man, he will understand and appreciate your honesty.

On top of this, you should also lower your expectation and only think one date ahead. Don’t feel like you have promised him your whole future just because you are dating.

Ending up with the wrong person is a valid fear, but if you only see faults in your new man, you might be the problem. Therapy is a very effective way to deal with emotional unavailability.

Have the right mantra

I’m sure you have heard of spring cleaning and I’m sure you have enjoyed the special peace that comes after having carefully cleaned your whole apartment. But cleaning isn’t just limited to physical spaces. You also need to clean among your thoughts.

Clean out negative thoughts such as “I will never feel like this again.”

“If this doesn’t work out, I will be alone for a long time.”

“I’m just bad at relationships.”

Whatever your unique negative automatic thoughts are, bring them out in the daylight, examine them and ask a couple of challenging questions.

Where do these beliefs come from?

At what age did you get these ideas? Have you had previous negative experiences? How was your parent’s relationship, and in what way has that shaped you?

Most importantly, always question your automatic thoughts. Are they really true?

Think positive thoughts

Every time you have one of your negative thoughts, try replacing it with a positive thought. We all have negative and positive beliefs. This is natural. We also have the control to be able to focus on the positive beliefs we do have.

An example of a more positive and fruitful thought can be:

“A man who doesn’t want me the way I want him is not the right man for me.”

Do something new together

You probably want a couple of more suggestions as to what exactly to do when the relationship has moved too fast and you want to fix it.

Try doing new things together with your new man. Take up a hobby both of you are new to. Challenge yourself to learn something new as a couple.

We can all talk about who we are, but talking can only get us that far in getting to know another person and how good the two of you will be together. If you do different new things together, you will get to know your partner on a deeper level and they will get to know you.

Examples of this can be rock climbing, a cooking course, salsa dancing, or going to a comedy club. Take your relationship into new uncharted territories and see your man in a new light.

In Conclusion

At the beginning of a new relationship, it’s easy to move too fast, especially if both of you are feeling the same way. It is undoubtedly nice to get carried away down the love stream.

But if you find yourself in a situation where your new relationship has moved too fast and you are looking for ways to fix it, there is only one solution: slow things down.

It will take time and patience, but fixing a relationship that moved too fast is doable.

If you feel afraid to be apart from your new love, always remind yourself that you can’t fuck up a relationship that’s meant to be.