In love with my best friend

How to deal with the situation and keep your sanity

Your best friend is amazing. He is smart, funny, and he makes you feel incredibly good about yourself. Since you keep thinking about him, you have been forced to realize that you are in love with your best friend.

A special connection

There was a reason the two of you connected and became best friends. You have a lot in common, and you get each other.

All good things, and you know the two of you have an amazing friendship.

Only lately, you have had this urge to reach out and touch him. His skin has never looked so yummy before, and his lips are remarkably inviting.

Not exactly normal friendly behavior.

What to do now?

No worries, we have you covered, question by question, step by step.

Are you sure you are in love with your best friend?

The biggest sign that you are in love with your best friend is that you can’t stop thinking about him. When something good or interesting happens to you, he is the first person you want to tell. He is always on your mind, and you enjoy keeping him in your thoughts.

You don’t enjoy it when he talks about other women

The second biggest sign that you are in love with your best friend is that you don’t like when he talks about other women, his dates, or his love life in general. You rather pretend that he doesn’t have a sexual interest in other women, and if he has one, you certainly don’t want to hear about it.

Think about your other friends; you enjoy talking about guys with them, right? You might even have another guy-friend, and you have no problem hearing about his escapades.

You want him to be yours

You don’t freeze up when your normal friends mention their latest date or a new Tinder match. But with him, to be honest, you want him for yourself.

Yeah, you are busted, you are in love with your best friend. Let’s figure out what you should do.

How did this happen?

When you admit that you are in love with your best friend, the first thing you should do is ask yourself a couple of questions to find out exactly how this could happen?  

Why did you fall in love with him?

When did you fall in love with him?

What was the exact moment when you admitted to yourself that you had feelings for him?

The answers to those three questions will help you understand the situation a bit better and act accordingly. I recommend writing down your answer.

We should show our feeling to feel good about ourselves

As a general rule, it’s not good to be unauthentic in regard to your feeling.

When you get close to someone under the pretense of friendship while you have romantic feelings for them, you are not true to yourself, and you are not true to your inner desire.

If your feelings have just popped up, there is no need to be too self-critical. Falling for a friend has happened to most of us. You saw everything that was amazing about him, and your heart reacted accordingly.

Does he know how you feel?

If your feeling has been there for a long time, you are either very good at hiding your feelings, or he is picking up on your feelings and is enjoying the attention.

None of the alternatives is particularly good. Why have you been hiding your feelings?

Are you not worthy of love?

Do you think he has encouraged you, and what does it say about him if that is the case?

Does he feel the same?

One explanation for the situation is that he has been catching feelings for you as well. If you suspect this is the case, you are in a good place. All you have to do is to ask him.

Time to start flirting

If that step feels too soon, just start flirting with him a little bit. Here are our extensive guide to getting out of the friend zone with a guy. I recommend that you read it carefully and implement the tips and techniques.

He might not feel the same, yet. But that doesn’t mean that he will never feel the same.

Friendship is a good start to a romantic relationship; just look at Friends

In fact, friendship is a good starting point for a romantic relationship, and it is possible to take a best friend and make him your boyfriend. The two of you already have a unique connection.

Now you need to take that connection and shift it towards being more sensual.

Exactly how to do that, you might ask. Continue reading, and I will tell you.

Make him feel the same

When you discover that you are in love with your best friend, you should start flirting. Flirting with a friend can be a hell of scary, and that’s why you need to stay strong and push yourself to do exactly that.

If he hasn’t got any feelings for you, one of the main reasons for his lack of feelings is that you haven’t triggered those feelings in him. You have not shown him your desire.

You have not shown him that you think he is attractive. Now is the time to start.

Check how he reacts to touch

Start out gently.

The best way to take a friendly conversation and make it a flirty conversation is to touch him lightly. See if he returns the touch.

You can also start some playfully flirty banter. Tease him, disagree with what he says. Since he is your best friend, you should know a lot about what kind of conversations he enjoys.

To learn more about flirting and what is holding you back, check out our text How to flirt with a man. You will get all the knowledge you need.

To tell or not to tell?

The answer to this question comes down to how highly you value your friendship?

This question is an important one. If you do tell him and he doesn’t feel the same, the dynamics of the friendship will change. This change might be permanent. It’s very hard for a friendship to recover from such a confession. You might lose your best friends forever.

Take the time to reflect on this question

If you don’t tell him, you lose the chance of having a romantic relationship with him.

When it comes to the answer to this question, every situation is unique, so before you decide what to do, ask a couple of friends for advice. Talk it through with them, search in your heart and come up with the answer. 

Be honest about your feelings

Can you imagine being genuinely happy when he finds someone? Can you imagine dancing at his wedding?

If not, you are not really his best friend. That OK. But to be honest with yourself in this situation is very important. If you are not honest with yourself, you will end up getting hurt. Telling him how you feel is the most honest approach.

Give him space

Tell him how you feel, and after that, step away from the friendship and give both of you time to heal. If the friendship is strong enough to survive, the two of you will find your way back to each other.

Check out our guide Should I tell him how I feel or walk away? for even more advice on the subject.

Try dating someone else

Sometimes we are in love with someone without realizing it. If your best friend has subconscious romantic feelings for you, the best way to bring them out into the daylight is to start dating someone else.

This tactic might sound a bit cruel and insensitive. But the truth is that we sometimes don’t realize what we have until it is gone. That’s just how humans work.

Maybe you realized the truth about your feelings when he started dating someone?

Try to move on

To trigger this kind of feeling in him, you have to move on for real. You can’t just fake date someone else while still secretly being in love with him.

If you are serious about keeping the friendship despite your feelings, the best way to do this is to lose the romantic feelings. The best way to lose the feelings is to find someone else you are excited about.

A Final note

Most of us can relate to this question. Almost everyone has developed romantic feelings for a friend at one point or another.

Falling in love with a best friend is even more intense.

Take a moment and appreciate your feelings, and your ability to feel love. Falling in love with a best friend is painful, but it is also beautiful. Listen to this song and don’t forget to write down how you are feeling.

There is also a lot of music and movies about falling in love with your best friend. Go ahead and immerse yourself in the culture around this phenomenon; it will make your pain more bearable.