How To Reassure Your Boyfriend

7 powerful strategies to show him more love

Is your boyfriend feeling insecure despite the fact that you love him to pieces? Do you wish he would feel calmer and happier in your relationship? There are absolutely different ways you can make this happen. Dig in and test all of these 7 ways to reassure your boyfriend.

Why does he feel insecure?

If you are sweet enough to google “How to reassure my boyfriend?” I can already tell he has nothing to worry about.

The problem is, he doesn’t know that. Or more to the point, on a logical level, he might know it, But his emotions are taking him for a ride. And it’s a bad ride. Straight into doubt, insecurity, and anxiety.

You are not to blame

Before we jump in on how to improve the situation, I want to put a little disclaimer; his emotions are not your responsibility.

Don’t feel guilty.

Don’t take on too much of his emotional work. I can already tell what a sweet and caring person you are.

You are absolutely not responsible for the fact that he feels insecure in the relationship.

You are not failing when it comes to how to reassure your boyfriend. His reactions have everything to do with the past and nothing to do with you.

Having that clearly stated, let’s tackle the situation as the emotionally literate pros that we are.

1. Find out why he is insecure

Since you are sweet and loving enough to try and work through this problem, I already know the two of you have a good relationship.

I can tell that his feelings are not a reaction to reality.

Most likely his feelings are a reaction to his past experiences. Time to do a bit of digging and get to know his insecurities.

Ask about his feelings

If he tells you “Can you just stay in with me tonight?” Ask him why he feels like that. When he tells you the reason, ask him if he can remember other instances in his life when he has felt the same way.

You can do this exercise in almost all situations. To name our feelings and explain how they feel is already a good start when it comes to healing those feelings.

Get to know him

Our feelings are a library of things that have happened to us in the past.

When he asks you to stay in with him as oppose to going out and having fun, it’s an opportunity for both him and you, to get to know him a bit deeper. Insecurities are an opening to healing.

It’s important that you connect concrete feelings to concrete situations. By doing this, you find out what triggers him in the present time. You also connect that to occurrences in his past. This way both of you will be able to see how his feelings are just a reaction to painful memories from his past.

If your man struggles with both insecurity and jealousy, check out my article Is Jealousy Healthy In A Relationship?

2. Tell him why you appreciate him

Time to reflect a bit about him and his role in your life.

To verbally reassure your boyfriend is always a good idea. But instead of a simple “I love you” (which obviously is also good,) you can give him a deeper compliment and thus make him see exactly what he brings to your life and the big difference he makes.

We have an much easier time accepting love when we know the why.

Be specific

Write down why you like him, and what makes him special. Ask yourself in what unique way has he changed your life?

In what ways do you need him? In what ways is he important to you? Another good question is; in what ways does he make you a better person?

Sprinkle all that knowledge into the conversation over the next few months. You can give him a unique compliment every day.

This way he will get a deeper understanding of why you choose him. He will also feel seen and respected, two things that helps levitate insecurities.

3. Find out his love language

It can be that you are already very good at reassuring your boyfriend.

But the problem is that you show him love the way you would want to be loved. These ways of showing love might not land as well as you think they do, since all of us have different love languages. Read up on the concept here.

Show him love his way

We often give love the same way we ourselves would like to receive love. Does he buy you thoughtful gifts? Cook for you? Bring you to special places?

Whatever he does to show you love will tell you a lot about how you can give him love in the way that he will be able to receive it the best. To mirror his behavior is going to be a smart hack when you ask how to reassure your boyfriend.

4. Open up about your insecurities

Feeling secure in a relationship often comes down to being vulnerable and showing our true selves.

If your boyfriend always feels like he has to put on a mask and be someone he is not, he will feel insecure in the relationship,

You should absolutely ask about his insecurities, and open up a conversation about them. Show him that you want to get to know him on a deep level and that you are prepared to love the person he is at his core.

Take the lead

But a smart strategy is to go first. People often mirror our behavior; that’s just human nature.

By opening up and telling him about your feelings in a raw and vulnerable way, he will feel inclined to do the same thing.

We all have struggles, be open about your struggles, and you will build trust in your relationship.

You can instigate these kind of conversations; the more authentic you show up in the relationship, the more your boyfriend will feel like he can be himself.

When he truly shows up as himself, and you show him love, despite all his flaws, his level of insecurity will decrease.

5. Show, don’t tell

You have probably told him a thousand times, you have told him that you love him and he has nothing to be insecure about. You reassure your boyfriend all the time, but your words don’t seem to land.

The reason behind this is that his insecurities are not logical. “Arguing with them” is not going to make him feel secure. Nothing you say will be fully accepted, sad but true.

Insecurity is a complicated creature. It has a way of destroying what could have been an amazing relationship.

Make sure you show him love by the way you interact with him. Cut down on the words and amp up the actions.

He doesn’t feel worthy of love

If he is deeply insecure, he will always doubt that you love him.

If he doesn’t love himself, he will always doubt your love. In fact, he doubts that he is loveable.

If you have good open communication, you can try and explain this to him. You can also work towards inspiring him to work on loving himself. If he learns to love himself, he will accept your love.

For more insight into an insecure man, read my article 11 signs of insecurity in a man.

How to love yourself

When we are present with ourselves, without any distractions, we show ourselves love.

Maybe he spends the night scrolling through his phone or playing video games. Both of those two behaviors are actually coping mechanisms.

Ask him how he would want to be shown love.

Words of affirmation? Quality time? Presence? Someone who deeply listens to him?

Whatever his answer is, that’s what he needs to do to himself and with himself.

To show yourself love you simply do alone and to yourself what you understand love to be.

6. Be consistent

Consider how you would reassure a child.

Consistency would be an important component. The same goes for your boyfriend. The more consistently you can show up, the more secure he will become in the relationship.

Ask yourself how you would earn the love and trust of an abandoned child.

Probably respect would be another big component. You would also make sure to meet the child where they are.

In some sense, all of us are hurt children, insecure people more so than the rest of us.

Consider this angle and come up with your own solutions.

How would you soothe a child?

You would also have clear boundaries and rules. Having a clear structure is important for a relationship to work. Give your boyfriend the same care and concern, but also clear communication.

Practice mindfulness

Two other strategies are to practice mindfulness together or to meditate together. Another great strategy to build trust and closeness is to get completely lost in an activity both of you love.

Both children and grown men develop trust and intimacy by working side by side with you and immersing themselves in one of their favorite hobbies. Sometimes talk is not necessary.

7. View his insecurities as an opportunity

Your boyfriend is probably feeling shitty about the fact that he is so insecure in your relationship. Every time his insecurities show themselves, remember that no one wants to be insecure.

He probably experiences a lot of guilt for not being able to trust you.

You can levitate all this shame and negativity by viewing his insecurity as an opportunity to grow together as a couple. By working through his insecurities, you can get to know each other on a deeper level. That knowledge is what love is all about.

Obstacles really are opportunities. They ask us to rise to the occasion. When done right, they inspire us to become better versions of ourselves.

Work on your communication

Communication is the key to a strong relationship. His insecurities are an excellent opportunity to become better at communicating with each other. Share openly and vulnerably about your feelings and have him do the same. Ask yourself what you feel when he is acting insecure.

You are not responsible for his insecurities, but you are responsible for your reaction. This is a chance for you to become more secure in yourself.

For more tips and tricks, read my article What Causes Insecurity In A Relationship – How Can You Fix This? 

A Final Note

There are many ways you can reassure your boyfriend, and doing all of the things above on a regular basis should absolutely give results. If you do your best and your boyfriend is committed to working on himself, your relationship will grow stronger.