8 steps to forgetting him fast and for good

Having an unrequited crush is the worst. You can’t eat, you can’t sleep, and you have no idea how to get on with your life. No need to despair. With this easy to follow 8 steps guide, you will get over your crush in no time.

How to get rid of those unwanted feelings

To succeed with your mission, you will have to follow these 8 steps with determination and dedication.

1. Get rejected. 2. Allow yourself to feel. 3. Create distance between you and your crush. 4. Distract yourself. 5. Give it some time. 6. Stop idealizing your crush. 7. Be critical of your own agenda. 8. Find a new crush.

Once you do these steps, you will be able to finally forget about him.

A crush is like an addiction

Having a crush is one of the best things that can happen to us. Just thinking about our crush makes us giddy, happy, and full of nervous energy. Having a crush makes us feel alive. When you have a crush on someone, your body produces oxytocin, a chemical that is similar to morphine.

On top of that, you get a dose of dopamine, and to really get you addicted, there is the intoxicating rush of adrenaline. As if this great chemical cocktail was not enough, humans are wired for reproduction, and falling in love is part of how biology makes it happen.

Getting off the love-drug is hard

The person who triggers your crush might be a good human being, or they might not be that great, but we associate all kinds of dreamy scenarios with them because their presence makes us feel high. And by continuing to fantasize about them, we get more pleasure and more attachment. We get addicted.

You can do it

Having a crush is an amazing experience until you discover that your feelings are not reciprocated. We’ve all been there. Trying to escape the mixture of free “drugs,” beautiful illusions, and the full force of our unlucky destiny is not an easy task.

But despair not. This can be done. People have done it before you. You yourself have probably done it before.

How to get over your crush

1. Get rejected

Rejection is the worst. We, as humans, fear rejection to such an extent that we do all sorts of questionable things to avoid it.

For example, getting stuck being hopelessly in love with someone for years, knowing very well that you will never be with them. Or overworking ourselves to the point where we have no time for personal life. Or just simply closing ourselves off and avoiding the whole dating scene altogether.

Rejection burns and stings and gives your ego a big black bruise. It’s terrible. But rejection is also a necessary part of getting over someone.

Make a move

If you have a crush, it means that you still have hope. The first thing you have to do is to kill that hope. Make a move and see what happens. Write a message and ask if he wants to go for a coffee (or something similar, suitable for your situation).

Who knows, he might be interested?

If he is already taken, skip this step. You don’t want to have an even bigger mess to deal with.

Be brave

It’s absolutely necessary that you push the situation a bit. You need to try to get the guy you have been dreaming about.

If you need inspiration about what to do exactly, read our guide When should a woman make the move?

You can also check out our extensive in-depth guide How to make someone fall in love with you.

This step alone can put you safely on the other side

Sometimes this step, The Big Rejection, works like magic. You find out that he is not interested in you and your body reacts accordingly. The feelings of love evaporate. You are free. Problem solved.

Other times, well, you are stuck with having an unrequited crush, and now you also have the pain of rejection. I know it sucks; congratulate yourself for your bravery.

Take a breath and inhale deeply and move on to the next step. Rejection is the basis for moving on.

2. Allow yourself to feel

First of all, feelings are a beautiful thing. They make our existence rich and colorful. To have intense, agonizing feelings is what being human is all about.

Art, poetry, music, it all originates from feelings. So don’t try to escape your feelings or minimize them. Be happy about their existence. Your ability to feel, to fall in love, to develop a crush is a valuable part of who you are.

Feel deeply

During this process of getting over a crush, whenever you feel that feelings are bottling up, take some time and allow yourself to feel. Allow yourself to feel deeply. Cry. Listen to all your favorite love songs. Read poetry. Stare into the night sky. Get drunk.

Take a couple of hours (or days) and allow yourself to fantasize about your crush and everything the two of you could have been together.

Time to move on

Just don’t get stuck in this place for too long. After indulging in the feelings, gently remind yourself that you want someone who feels the same way about you as you do about him.

3. Create distance between you and your crush

The third step to get over your crush is to create a distance. You need psychical distance. If your crush is a friend, a hot roommate, or a colleague, think about how you can minimize your interaction with them.

The way you handle this step will be critical to the overall success of getting over your crush.

Create as much distance as possible

The hardest crushes to get over are the ones we are faced with on a weekly (or daily) basis. If this is your situation, you will have to be extremely disciplined. Maybe you even have to make some changes to your life, like move or change jobs.

That includes online-stalking as well

Creating distance also means that you are not allowed to stalk them online. Every time you get a glimpse of their life will give you more information about them. More information means more thoughts to process.

The more time we spend thinking about someone, the more significant they become. It’s like an evil dance. The more forceful you can be in creating a distance between you and your crush, the sooner you will get over them.

That’s the only way to break the force of attraction that is building within you.

You need to Detox

Don’t skip this step. Think of yourself as a drug addict. Every time you interact with your crush, you get your fix, and the only thing that happens when you get your fix is that you become more addicted.

To break free from the addiction, you have to stop taking the drug.

4. Distract yourself to get over your crush faster

So what the fuck can I do instead? Well, I’m glad you asked. Because this is the step that will make you progress as a human being.

To get over your crush, you should do things you love. You should also make it a priority to spend time with people you love.

Exercise. This is important because exercising gives you a shot of hormones similar to the hormones you get when you are falling in love. The difference is that when it comes to exercise, you are in control.

Meet new people, create new habits

You should also step up your reading game. Read your favorite books. Read new books. Reading helps you expand your thinking. Do something creative. Spend time in nature. Do something completely selfless towards another human. Visit beautiful places.

Tell a friend how you feel

Have a little chat with yourself about how you can meet new people. Follow through. Talk with a friend, that friend of yours who is a great listener. Buy them lunch and pour your heart out. Tell them about your crush. All the great things about him and all your pain.

When you need to clear your mind, go for long walks.

Harvest your restless energy

Basically, keep distracting yourself. Keep being there for yourself. Keep living your life.

Falling in love comes with a special kind of energy. With a bit of luck and skill, you can harvest that energy. Instead of obsessing over your crush, try to pour all that energy into something that you think is worthwhile.

Only you decide the direction of your life and what is worthwhile for you.

Write in your diary

When nothing else works, appreciate your sadness and melancholia. Write about your crush. When we experience strong emotions writing helps us to process our emotions.

5. Get over your crush by giving it some time

Getting over a crush takes time. Don’t become frustrated with yourself. Allow yourself to have a grieving process. Allow yourself plenty of ups and downs. Some moments you will feel happy and like you are over your crush. Other times you will fall back to sadness and frustration.

There is no time-frame

It is hard to say how long it will take to get over your crush. In my personal experience, it could take 3-4 months to get over someone, assuming that you have the required distance from them. But it could also take longer (or shorter) time. Each situation is different.

Be aware of this and don’t rush the process. Crushes don’t last forever, just remember this and keep living your life. Eventually, you will come out on the other side of it.

Sometimes exposure to your crush will help

I know I said above that you should stay away from your crush, but this tactic can sometimes backfire. Trying to keep your distance can sometimes lead to more intense feelings toward them.

You have more time to idealize them and less time to see who they actually are (I promise you, they are not as perfect as you think, they do have negative traits). 

Put things in perspective

If you have plenty of time, spend some time around your crush and let the infatuation run its course, but be mindful not to hurt yourself and take a step back if needed.

To make this step easier, think back to other crushes you had and how long it took for you to get over them. Also, think about what you feel about your past crushes right now. Are you over them?

Feelings do evaporate

In the future, you will feel similar about your current crush. The feelings of infatuation and longing will become less intense and eventually disappear. Remind yourself of your ability to get over someone. It will take time, but you will get there.

There is a term for an intense erotic obsession with another human being; it’s called Limerence. Here is an extensive guide well worth reading.

6. Stop idealizing your crush

Living in a dream world is easy. You get to decide how situations develop. Amazing dates. Fulfilling sex. Stimulating conversations. Fantasying about your crush is easy entertainment.

The real world can be harsh, full of disappointments and boring dates.

Is he really the dream guy?

Time for a reality check, you aren’t as much into them as you think. You are crushing on a dream version of them. To get over your crush, acknowledge that your feelings don’t reflect reality.

Be critical of the idealized version of them that you’ve created in your head. How well do you really know your crush?

You have gotten over crushes before

Think back to other times when you have been crazy about someone. How do you feel toward that person now? Probably you have a more realistic view of them and their shortcomings. The same goes for your current crush. Your feelings just make you see them in an idealized way.

Try seeing them as they are instead of idealizing and dreaming. Do they really treat everyone kindly? Are they genuine and honest? Does their sense of humor match yours? Can they hold the conversation, or do they just talk about themselves and have never asked a single question about you?

 7. Be critical towards your own agenda

Time to do some soul searching. The people we invite into our lives show us what we think we deserve and are worthy of.

Let’s start with an easy question: Why this person? What makes him so special? Are there qualities he has that you would want to have?

Why do you like him?

Take your crush as an opportunity to get to know yourself a bit better and find areas in your life that need improvement. All those qualities that you respect and admire in your crush could be qualities you yourself can obtain.

Defining exactly why you like them will also help you distance yourself from your feelings.

Do you think you deserve love?

The second part can be a bit more difficult to do, but it is necessary. Analyze why you don’t think you deserve more than an unanswered love. I know you might object and say that you have no control over your feelings, but this is only partially true. You chose this person, and your choice was someone unavailable. Is this a familiar pattern for you?

Often the reason why we are attracted to people who don’t like us back is that we are afraid of a real relationship and real commitment. We prefer to live in a fantasy world rather than take the risk and be with someone available. We want to avoid the risk of getting hurt.

Don’t allow someone to hurt you

The right man for you is someone who is absolutely crazy about you. Come back to this point often. Keep reminding yourself that you deserve to be in love with someone equally in love with you.

And finally, time to analyze the behavior of your crush. Fun, right?

How has he treated you? Consider this question in-depth, in an honest way.

Most often (but not always), the person we have a crush on encourages us. Sometimes consciously and oftentimes subconsciously. Let’s be honest; it’s nice to be liked.

Is he innocent?

If he is leading you on, it can be slightly unpleasant, sometimes even cruel behavior, and that tells us something about them too. They need your admiration to feel better about themselves.

Your crush might manipulate you because he enjoys the attention, but he doesn’t have the intention to take your relationship anywhere. Hardly a behavior of an honest, good human being. Hardly a behavior of someone worthy of your love and infatuation.

8. Find a new crush

This remedy is up for debate, and it’s not the most mature way to handle a situation. Despite the slight tint of desperation, a lot of people subscribe to this tactic. It works.

Nothing makes old feelings go away faster than new feelings. Have a look around and see if there is someone else you can focus on.

Or go on a date

Even if you can’t fall in love with someone new, you should at least dip your toe into the vast pool of other available men. The problem with this tactic is that you probably won’t like the new guy (or guys) as much as you like your crush, but it will help a little bit. And every small step away from your crush is a step in the right direction.

Get out there and meet some new people and have fun and consider even a small distraction, like a longing look or a flirty conversation, a great victory.

A Final note

A bit of a caveat, if you are a person who moves from crush to crush, there might be underlying issues to consider. Some people always have one (or several people) they are crushing on.

Become a stronger version of yourself

To be in love with someone is to focus your energy and thoughts on them. To be in love can be an escape mechanism for things in your life that you don’t want to deal with.

Try and analyze what parts of your life you are unhappy with and how you can become more satisfied with them. The stronger you are in your own life and your own identity, the lesser the need to lose yourself in feelings for someone else.

The sooner you get over your crush, the sooner you will meet that special person who won’t be able to get enough of you.