How to flirt with a man

Improve your game and become a natural-born charmer

Some women are naturals in the art of flirting. They move through life, charming all the people around them. They create fireworks of sexual chemistry. All sorts of men fall in love with them. Strangers go out of their way to please them. Even your old grumpy auntie keeps talking about that time you brought over your delightful friend. If you learn how to flirt with a man, you can become one of those people.

The crash course

Flirt by using your body language, invite him into your personal space and touch him lightly when suitable.

Flirt with your words by telling him something unexpected about yourself.

Show him that you notice him by giving him an original compliment.

Don’t be afraid to playfully disagree with something he says.

Be a bit mysterious to intrigue him.

Everyone can learn how to flirt

Except for those charmers, the rest of us are all pretty bad at flirting.

We need a bit of help.

No, scrap that. We need a lot of help.

If you are googling how to flirt with a man, you probably realize that your charm doesn’t stand up to the competition with the yucca palm standing next to you.

Yes, that includes you

No need to despair. Everyone can flirt. Most of us chose not to. That’s right. We make a conscious choice not to flirt. The main reason you don’t flirt is that you are afraid of creating desire in men.

Learn not to fear rejection

When you flirt, you have to create desire in those men by showing them that you have a desire for them. Showing desire means the possibility of getting rejected. Humans are, generally speaking, very afraid of sexual rejection.

Once you realize exactly why you’re not flirting with men, you will have an easier time overcoming your fear.

How to flirt with men is something that can be learned. Just like tennis or swimming or piano, whatever your level is right now, you can become better.

To learn how to flirt with a man you only need these 3 things

• The technical know-how, which I’m going to give you in this article.
• A lot of practice. Don’t disappoint me on this one; go out there, make mistakes, and improve. Rome wasn’t built in one day, and neither will your flirting skill.
• A charming dose of bravery. Flirting means taking the risk of not being liked, being ridiculed, and rejected. Sexual rejection is terrifying for a lot of people, so I expect you to be brave.

The wrong side of flirting

There is a caricature of a flirty woman. Lots of mascara, a deep decolletage, an eye-catching red dress, and a penetrating laugh that has no problem reaching everyone around.

And we all, quite frankly, think that those women lack self-esteem. She is a manipulative, attention-seeking man-eater. We don’t want to be her. We want to learn how to flirt with men, not how to manipulate men.

A simple exchange?

The natural-born flirts move through life, flirting with all sorts of people (or at the very least, all sorts of men.) When they flirt, they give something; the possibility and promise of sex. But it is also a form of exchange. In return, they expect attention and desire.

On a side note; if you want to know how to create more sexual chemistry with men, check out How to appear more attractive as a woman.

You want to be straightforward and honest

When you put the question about how to flirt with men in this context, it makes complete sense that you are afraid of flirting and not very good at flirting.

One of the main reasons behind this is that you are a genuine, straightforward person. When you want something from another person, you simply ask.

You don’t like to coax the thing you want from them. You have no intention of tricking them.

Train yourself to become better at flirting

And that’s great. Only one little problem, when the right person enters your life, your flirting muscle is completely untrained. It’s like you are trying to sing without ever haven taken a tone. Or getting asked to climb Kilimanjaro without a map and without spending months at the gym first.

Good luck 😉

Flirting creates attraction

The problem is you can’t ask a man for attraction. That’s not how human interaction works when it comes to sexual chemistry.

You have to tease the attraction out of him. You have to move closer to that caricature of a flirty woman. You have to give him the dance of push and pull, the coy smile, the fluttering eyelashes, and the blushing cheeks.

Show, don’t tell

How else is a man supposed to know you are attracted to him? When it comes to creating attraction, you have to show, not tell.

I hope being more aware of this dilemma, the two sides of flirting, will make you braver. We gain true strength when we can see our fears and the reason behind them and still move forward.

Having explained this, let’s move on to how to flirt with a man.

Flirt with your body language

We convey our feelings about other people by the way we use our bodies. When we like someone, we smile, we laugh, and we open up our whole body toward them.

When they say something, they have our attention. We lean in not to miss a single word of the conversation. We mirror the way they are positioning themselves. We mirror their different facial expression.

Show him your desire

We tell them with the help of our bodies that we are intrigued and engaged. And it’s this quiet but powerful body language you have to become better at if you want to flirt with men.

Be attentive and present

When trying to flirt with someone, ensure your object has your full attention. Be present in the moment, and pay attention to what he is saying. Your body language should convey that you are mesmerized by his words and persona.

We often think our body language is more open than it is. We might stand in a bar, thinking we are looking inviting. But to the men around us, we look like we would not welcome the interruption.

Exaggerate your openness

Try to work on being more open, smiling more, and, when necessary, starting different conversations. I will get into the verbal aspect of flirting later.

Use touch and proximity

When you want to flirt with a man, stay a couple of centimeters closer than what you feel comfortable with.

Men are usually more comfortable around women than the other way around, so he will have no problem with you getting close. He will pick up on your smell and your warmth.

Lean in

Another upside to this closeness is that it is also easier to touch your target when you stand just a little bit too close. Touch is a very powerful tool to convey sexual attraction.

He will get the sense that you want him

Many times, to take your interaction with a man from friendly to flirty, the only thing you have to do is to touch him. He will get the message.

Touch his arm gently when he says something funny. Another opportunity to touch him is when you disagree with what he’s telling you. Y

ou can use any excuse, really. The more you practice touch, the easier it will become, and you will create tons of attraction.

Flirt with your words

The way our body conveys our feeling and creates attraction is one side of the coin. The other way we build attraction is through what we are saying.

Words between humans carry a lot of weight. We can remember wise words or insults years later.

Sure, we forget a lot of what was said during our days or during normal interactions. But at the same time, we are also creating reality with our words. The silent dialogue that goes on in our heads makes us interpret different situations according to our mental state of mind.

Words are powerful

Both the ones you tell yourself and the ones you tell the people around you. When you are trying to flirt with a man, you use words in many different ways.

Connect with him on an emotional level

You should ask your target questions that show that you are interested in getting to know him on a deeper level. If you want to become an expert at this, check out my article on how to get someone to open up emotionally.

Pretty much all men will enjoy talking about themselves and your attention. They are going to interpret your intellectual and emotional interest as possible sexual interest. Especially if you touch them and smile a lot.

People can sense if you are genuinely interested. So go out there and be fascinated by the men you want to flirt with.

Invite him to get to know you

The next thing you have to do is tell your target things about yourself, be funny and be personal. If you spend the interaction listening and being appreciative, you succeed with one aspect of flirting.

You make him feel special. But you also have to show him in what way you are special.

Tell him a secret about yourself

If you, for example, have the sort of conversation where the two of you exchange facts, you are not showing him who you are, and you are not creating a deeper emotional connection.

You create a flirty connection between you and your target by allowing him to get to know you.

To let someone else in, to let them see what you are all about, is brave, and with the right man will create powerful attraction.

Vulnerability is attractive

Be more vulnerable and open than you think you should be. Push yourself just a little bit out of your comfort zone. Tell him something unexpected.

Compliment him

The next thing you have to do when you flirt with a man is to compliment him. Since he is indeed your target, there must be many things you like about him.

You can choose freely between compliments on his looks, personality, and achievement. Whatever stands out, and you feel comfortable saying, go ahead and compliment him. Here is a guide to give a good compliment.

Notice what makes him unique and tell him

Try not to be too predictable. A handsome guy is used to getting variations of looks-compliments. So to get to his heart, choose something unexpected. People are delighted when surprised.

Complimenting a man means that you see him and are able to notice what is unique about him. Complimenting a man also means that you are a warm and generous person.

Don’t give him everything

We all like a bit of a challenge, so at the same time you are doing everything I presented above; you also have to push back a bit.

One of the reasons behind this is that feelings and experiences exist in contrast to each other.

We all like a good roller coaster.

We also like the feeling of working for someone, charming someone. So in an ideal flirting situation, you should alter between being the prize and the pursuer.

Leave him wanting more

There are several different ways you can achieve this feeling in your target.

First of all, you can be the one who ends the conversation. Tap his arm and tell him that you are just going over there to say hello to some friends. This way, you leave him wanting more.

Don’t be afraid to disagree

Another rule of great flirting is not to be afraid to disagree.

A lot of sexual chemistry occurs when you playfully disagree about something.

Be confident when it comes to your opinions. Have a heated discussion, and at the same time, be good-humored. Don’t take yourself too seriously. But do show him that you are passionate about your opinions. You can also disagree about something small and insignificant in a humorist way.

Treat him like a close friend

We have a special way of treating our friends. We are relaxed and funny, often playfully teasing them.

We know enough about them to know what remarks will make them laugh and get them in a good mood.

Use a similar way of being when you want to flirt with a man. Pretend he is already a good friend and treat him as such. Try teasing him and making some inside jokes.

Make your inside jokes slightly suggestive

Treat your target as if you have known him for a much longer time than you have.

The only difference is that your teasing and jokes can be much more suggestive with your target than they would be with a friend.

Be brave

Since this aspect can be hard to get right with a stranger, after all, you don’t know him, don’t be hard on yourself if the teasing or joking falls flat. In fact, point out that you are only trying to tease him. Take risks, and don’t expect to win every time.

Be a bit mysterious

The last point in succeeding with the push-and-pull dance that is great flirting is to be mysterious.

We don’t get the same rush when someone serves us their whole personality on a silver plate. Instead, try being like a great movie, with some major plot twists served towards the end.

Don’t give every question a straight answer. Ignore some questions and playfully direct the conversation to other topics.

Keep him guessing

Let him discover specific things about you, but leave other things unsaid. Don’t feel the need to tell him everything. We all like to be intrigued by someone.

A final Note

If the flirting doesn’t work out, don’t take this as a setback.

It’s nothing wrong with you showing your desire for someone and not getting desire back.

Since you are a calm, confident person, you can give your target and his ego a boost without expecting anything in return. Consider your flirting as you being out in the world spreading good karma, making people feel desired and special.

Practice makes perfect

To be able to flirt effectively with that special someone, you have to practice your flirting muscle on a lot of less than ideal men. Stop taking flirting too seriously, and soon, you will be a natural-born flirt. You will know how to flirt with a man.