How to fall in love

Techniques and strategies to make yourself feel love

Falling in love is one of the greatest feelings we as humans can have. Falling in love is also scary. And maybe that’s why some of us have a hard time knowing how to fall in love. In this text, I will present my best strategies for achieving this wonderful cool feeling of being in love.

These techniques will work regardless of whether you have a person in mind or just generally long to fall in love. I will also share some of my personal views and experiences to help shed light on the subject.

Here is the crash course on how to fall in love:  

• Make sure you have plenty of free time. If you are too busy achieving things, you might miss someone extraordinary that’s right under your nose.
• Allow feelings to grow. Don’t expect “love at first sight” to happen.
• Open your heart by spending time in nature and doing yoga or taking a dance class.
• Work on having a healthy mental landscape free from automatic negative thoughts such as “I will never find anyone.”
• Meet more people in many different social circles to increase your chances of actually meeting someone who stirs your heart.

My Personal story

I’ll let you in on a secret and the reason why I wrote this text; I have a hard time falling in love.

My sad record of not falling in love with someone was six years. This is a frustrating problem, especially when you see the people around you falling in love all over the place.

Some of them manage to fall in love in their workplace or in a crowded bar. (How do they do it?)

Or as one of my friends, with the veterinarian when she took her cats to get some shots. Yes, she and the veterinarian went on dating for several years.

Why everyone else and not me?

I spent sleepless nights wondering why I had been working, going to the bars, taking my parent’s dog to the veterinarian and never ever did I fall in love. What’s wrong with me? And more importantly, how can I change?

It’s a frustrating problem when all your friends know how to fall in love. Some of them seem to be able to fall in love once a month.

It’s easy to ask yourself, what do they have that I lack? How can I make myself fall in love?

An important part of life

To fall in love is such an important part of our life.

Falling in love leads to amazing experiences, such as romantic dates, and a deep sense of connection with another human. It also leads to a lot of fun, thanks to shared jokes between the two of you. Sometimes being able to fall in love leads to marriage and kids.

If you don’t have the ability to fall in love, you feel stuck in the same place.

Have the Time to fall in love

I’m 38 now, and looking back at my life, it seems to me that the more time I have to do nothing, the more likely I am to fall in love.

It’s like my body purposely looks for distraction if I don’t already feed it with stimuli.

I keep myself too occupied

On the other hand, if I’m stressing from one activity to another activity, completely focused on fulfilling different life goals, I simply don’t fall in love.

In fact, I would go so far as to say that I have to be bored to be able to fall in love.

(Here you can check out How to find love after 40.)

Falling in love takes a backseat

When my life is intense, falling in love is the last thing that happens. Thanks to my general focus and passion for life, I have lived in many different countries, learned a lot of skills, and had an adventurous time, while at the same time being successful in my career.

All great things. In fact, I would say that I have been successful in all aspects of life, except love. I do have a lot of great friends and good relationships with my family.

But love?

No.

No Love. I am single.

Slow down and notice what’s going on around you

When I talk about time, I mean allowing yourself time not always to be productive.

Don’t always try to achieve something.

To be successful is a beautiful thing, but some of us are so busy chasing our life goals that we don’t register all the people that we meet on a daily basis.

We miss out on the chance to fall in love

We don’t notice the cute coworker trying to get our attention or the guy at the coffee shop smiling at us.

I also think this is a defense mechanism. When I’m busy achieving something, I feel like I’m in control. I have a fear of falling in love, so I fill my time with work and activities and put my love life last. I’m safe. And the years just keep piling on.

Allow feelings to grow

Some people have never been in love, and I guess that’s worse than having a hard time falling in love.

Part of my problem is the opposite. I have been madly in love. I know how it feels to be in love. I have been in love and had relationships that lasted for four-plus years.

Searching for the spark

But this leads me to dismiss a lot of dates and a lot of potential dates because I’m just not feeling it. I can’t imagine spending years or even a steamy night with the man I’m having a date with.

So I gently let him down by telling him I didn’t feel the spark.

I’m indifferent cause I don’t feel it

This happens a lot. My heart remains cold. I don’t care if he will call or not.

When he does call, I feel dread about having to reject someone. When he doesn’t call, I feel relieved.

I have been rejected a lot, and every time, I just feel this huge relief.

It’s not something I’m proud of. The relief tells me that I’m very afraid of love, and that’s not good. I should be braver.

Feelings can grow

When you try to make yourself fall in love, it’s important to realize that feelings change. So, give people a second chance or a third chance. Maybe even give them a whole relationship, because if you haven’t fallen in love in years, clearly you are the problem. At least if you want a relationship.

How did you fall in love in the past?

I should point out that it is fine not to want a relationship. But I guess the people who are happy with their situation don’t spend their sleepless nights googling “How to fall in love.”

How long did it take for you to fall in love?

To give potential dates more chances to win you over, think back to all the times your feeling did change. Did your past relationships start with love at first sight? Or did the feeling develop over a long period of time?

To be able to fall in love allow feelings to grow and let go of the false ideal of love at first sight or instant strong attraction.

Open your heart to be able to fall in love

There is not one clear answer for how to open your heart. I do recommend yoga since many yoga positions are about opening up your body in general and your heart in particular.

In some yoga positions, you purposely open up your chest and your heart to the universe.

There is no guaranteed success here, but I recommend doing yoga every day or a couple of days a week. Yoga grounds you in your body and makes you more in tune with how your body feels. This will help you fall in love.

Connect with nature

The second recommendation I’m going to give is to find different ways to connect with nature.

If you can’t force yourself to fall in love with another human, at least, you can force yourself to fall in love with nature.

Go for long walks at different times of the day to see how the light differentiates. Go to a cliff to watch the sunset or the sunrise.

Bring flowers or branches to your apartment, and pick stones at the beach or wood in the forest.

Whatever you do, try to strengthen the connection you have with nature. This will open your heart to other humans as well.

Try dancing

I also recommend signing up for a dance class. Moving your body as you hear the music will help you connect with your sensual side. You will feel things rather than process them intellectually.

Since you have a hard time falling in love, I’m going to take a wild guess and say that you are a more logical brainy person, rather than emotional and intuitive. That’s fine.

Connect with your body

But if you want to increase your chances of falling in love, let go of your ability to attack every problem with your brain.

In dancing, you have to listen to your feelings. You have to stop thinking and just move in a way that feels good.

Give therapy a chance

The fourth recommendation to open up your heart is classic, but nevertheless worth mentioning; try therapy.

There might be a certain psychological blockage that hinders you from falling in love. A skilled psychologist can help you overcome your fears and automatic thoughts such as; I will never find someone. I will never fall in love again.

Work on your mental landscape

To some extent, the thoughts you have about reality become reality.

If you believe something is possible, it is more likely to become possible.

If you, on the other hand, keep telling yourself that all good men are already taken or that no one will ever love you, these negative thoughts easily become self-fulfilling prophecies. When you have negative thoughts, you create a negative reality for yourself.

Don’t allow negative thoughts to plague you

Be compassionate with yourself, but also make sure you take a critical stand against negative thought patterns. Don’t let them plague your inner landscape.

Every time a negative thought similar to “I will never fall in love” shows up, don’t allow this thought to become a truth you believe in. Instead, gently tell yourself, “I will fall in love again.” Or something similarly positive.

Keep exchanging negative thoughts with positive thoughts.

Meet more people in many different social circles

So I’m not going to sugarcoat things. There is a possibility that there is something wrong with you. Meaning you have put up a huge wall around yourself that effectively protects you from love.

It will not matter if you meet the most amazing man that has ever existed. You will anyway not be able to fall in love.

You can’t fall in love if you don’t meet any men

But there is also the possibility that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are calm, self-confident and open to falling in love. You just don’t meet enough people.

If you don’t meet a lot of men, you certainly are not going to meet a man that’s a good match and worthy of your love.

To find out the truth about which of the above scenarios you fall closer to, you need to get out there and meet more single men. Men already in a relationship don’t count.  

Accept invitations

There is no shortcut to achieving this. You need to put in an effort, and many times, it will feel like your effort doesn’t get you any results. Despite this, you have to keep going. Join different groups, try new activities, and say yes to everything people suggest to you.

Check out our article How to enjoy being single for more tips and tricks.

You have to have meaningful conversations

On top of this, you also have to interact with the men you lay your eyes on. You need to have a five-minute conversation with each one of them to see if there is something there.

Don’t dismiss any of those men before finding out a bit more about who they truly are. Find out what makes them unique.

Want to learn more about this aspect of how to fall in love? Check out our article “Why is it so hard to find someone?” You will have all the explanations.

How to catch feelings for someone you know

In addition to the advice above, there are two different scenarios when you might ask yourself how to fall in love. I’m going to address both of those situations below. The first is when you want to fall in love with someone with who you are already in a relationship with, and the second situation is when someone likes you, but you are just not feeling it.

Let’s dig in.

How to fall in love if You already have a boyfriend

You might already be in a relationship and ask yourself, “How to fall in love.”

To fall in love, you have to connect with this other person on a deep level. They have to show you and tell you who they really are, and you have to do the same.

You should tell this person intimate things about yourself because when we tell someone about who we are, our preferences, experiences and memories, we naturally feel closer and more open to that person.

To understand this mechanism better, check out 36 questions who leads to falling in love. If you are serious about falling in love with this person, you can do the exercise.

fall in love by being active

That you are willing to fall in love with this person is a good start.

You can also try and do active things together with this person. The wider range of emotions we go through with someone; from joy and humor to fear and anguish, the more likely we are to feel connected to that person.

So if you are open to trying any kind of extreme sport, that should be an alternative as to how to fall in love with this person.

This mechanism is why people fall in love during a catastrophe, but it is also the same mechanism that makes people fall in love at their workplace.

We connect through shared experiences

We as humans connect both through joyous and challenging experiences and the more experience we share with someone, the more likely we are to fall in love with them, (if we liked them, to begin with.) Try to work this to your advantage when you have a boyfriend whom you want to fall in love with.

How to fall in love with someone who is in love with you

I think most of us have been there. A person likes us, and he seems like a nice, caring human being.

He is someone whose friendship you value. In fact, he seems like a perfect boyfriend or even a perfect life partner.

The only problem is that you are not in love with him. He is clearly in love with you, and you just wish you could reciprocate those feelings. The two of you seem to be such a good match. You just have to somehow find a way to fall in love with him.

Be physical to fall in love

If this is the case, I do recommend you try the tips and techniques I have previously mentioned in this text. In addition to this, looking someone in the eyes will help you fall in love. Physical closeness will also help.

So, if you are prepared to kiss him or sleep with him, do try those alternatives. These activities can make you fall in love with him.

But don’t settle

Give it a try, but that you don’t have those kinds of feelings for him might also mean that he is not the right person for you. Don’t try to push yourself, thinking that a relationship is something you want to have at any cost. Don’t settle for a partner out of fear of being alone. We are all alone anyway.

A Final Note

We all have the ability to fall in love with someone we have already known for years. So don’t dismiss the men around you too quickly.

To be able to fall in love, be present and relaxed and work on your self-esteem and improve your life. Allow yourself to do nothing and simply be. Allow yourself to connect with nature and your body.

Don’t settle for someone when your feelings are not there. It’s better to be alone than to be in the wrong relationship.

I will fall in love. You will too.