How to appear vulnerable to a man

A 7-step guide to increasing your ability to be vulnerable

Vulnerability is one of the most important ingredients of a close intimate relationship. We all know instinctively that to become closer to someone, we have to let them see us for who we truly are. We have to be vulnerable with them. Because of this connection between intimacy and vulnerability, the question of how to appear vulnerable to a man is fundamental when you want to get closer to a specific man.

Create a deep connection

In this article, I will tell you how to be vulnerable with a man, and I will give you plenty of examples of how you can become more open and create meaningful intimacy.

Let’s dive in.

Is vulnerability attractive to a man?

When we are vulnerable, we create attraction and connection. By being vulnerable, we allow another human the chance to truly see us and accept us for who we are.

This is a gift, and when you give this to a man, he will love and appreciate you.

A woman who is vulnerable in the right way is incredibly attractive to a man.

How to be vulnerable the right way

You might object that there is no right way to be vulnerable, but many people use their weakness to try and gain things from other people. This is a form of manipulation.

If your vulnerability is a means to an end, people will not respond positively.

Check out our article about manipulative behavior. The knowledge presented in that article is fundamental because the less manipulative behavior you use in your relationships, the better relationships you will have.

How to be vulnerable with a man

If you ask yourself how to appear vulnerable to a man, the first and most important answer is that you actually have to be vulnerable. There are no shortcuts. You cannot fake vulnerability. For a truly intimate connection with another human, you have to open up and allow other people to get to know you.

Vulnerability is scary

Vulnerability is a scary thing for a majority of all people. We go to great lengths to avoid being vulnerable. The fact that many people are afraid of true vulnerability is also why vulnerability is so rare.

Vulnerability leads to closeness

When you become more vulnerable, other people will feel closer to you, and they will reward that closeness by showing their vulnerability to you. You have everything to win by practicing vulnerability. This insight is significant because vulnerability is scary as hell.

Many people would rather walk away from a relationship than allow themselves to be vulnerable.

But most of the time, we are too afraid

The main reason why we are not open and vulnerable is that we are afraid. When you ask yourself how to be vulnerable with a man, the answer is; you have to be brave. You have to push yourself.

You have to say those words even if your voice might crack and you get all shaky. The fear will tell you that you are on the right track.

If you don’t feel fear and nervousness, you are not pushing yourself enough.

Vulnerability is a sign of trust and, therefore, a powerful way to connect with a man

Men naturally want to take care of women. That’s just part of their biological blueprint. They love it.

Done the right way, you being vulnerable will increase the amount of attraction a man has for you.

Step 1. Take a close look at your fear

Fear often exists as background noise. Your thoughts are not clearly verbalized. You feel safer in your shell and in your comfort zone. You pull away. You refrain from letting other people close to you.

Consciously you might give yourself all sorts of explanations why they aren’t worthy of your time. But the subconscious reason is that you are afraid.

You are afraid of being rejected

Fear of rejection is keeping you from being vulnerable to a man.

To access your underlying fears, the best thing you can do is to write them down. Do this the old-fashioned way with the help of pen and paper. Ask yourself hard questions about your fears and insecurities.

Write down your fears

List what you are afraid of in connection to vulnerability. What does vulnerability mean to you? Go over specific situations where you did pull away and chose not to be vulnerable. Ask yourself exactly what your biggest fear is.

Step 2. Become aware of your feelings

You can’t share your feeling if you are disconnected from your feeling.

Most of us have different ways of escaping our feelings; we exercise, we shop, and we drink—everything to try and numb ourselves from life’s sorrows.

Ask yourself what kinds of patterns you have when it comes to avoiding your feelings.

Don’t escape from your feelings

All of those past times are fine to a certain extent. We all need to escape. Just be aware that every time you escape from yourself, you lose the connection with your feelings, and you will have a more challenging time showing up as your authentic self with other people.

You might ask what you should do instead? Great question, my friend.

Be present with your feelings

You should practice feeling your feelings—even the bad ones.

When you feel uneasy, try and stay in that sensation without trying to distract yourself from what you are feeling. Be aware of how your mind feels and how those feelings are being experienced in your body. If you don’t know how you feel, you can’t share and be vulnerable.

Connecting with other humans will be more difficult. Becoming more in tune with your feelings will help you in your mission of how to appear vulnerable to a man.

Having a meditation practice is a great way to become more aware of your feelings.

Step 3. Tell him how you feel

Now that you have practiced the fine art of feeling your feelings, it’s time to practice sharing your feelings.

You can practice sharing your feelings with everyone around you. It will be a fun exercise. By doing this, you will learn a lot about vulnerability. Try to strike a good balance between sharing positive feelings and negative feelings.

Share memories, scary experiences, and life-changing experiences, or share how you are feeling that day or what you are experiencing at that moment.

Start with positive feelings

If you feel more comfortable sharing positive feelings, you can start by increasing your ability to share those. After a while, you can test the waters and yourself by sharing a couple of scary feelings with someone close to you.

Practice with different people

Observe how the dynamics of the relationship develop when you do share feelings.

Often the other person will respond by sharing their feelings. Other times the person will shut down. They are afraid of this new vulnerable world both of you have entered.

Tell him what it is you like about him

When you want to appear vulnerable to a man, tell him different ways you appreciate him. Tell him what makes him unique in your eyes and how he is different from other people.

Vulnerability and neediness

We often refrain from being open and vulnerable because we don’t want to come off as needy and demanding.

This is indeed a delicate balance.

When you become more vulnerable in your relationship, people might pull away. You might get rejected. Don’t let this keep you from practicing vulnerability.

To avoid coming across as needy when you practice vulnerability, don’t make the other person responsible for your feelings.

Step 4. Tell him things you never talk about

People can always subconsciously tell if you give them the same speech you have given to ten people before them.

What you say might be the truth, but it will not come across as vulnerability.

To be vulnerable, you have to be brave. Practice saying things that are true but that you haven’t talked about before.

Find new angles on old stories

The words that come out of your mouth should be new words, words you haven’t said before.

This is a difficult task for most people, but with practice, you will get better.

This is one of the best examples of how to appear vulnerable to man; give him something new, give him something that is true but that you have never said out loud before.

When did you feel true vulnerability?

Think back to times when you felt truly connected and vulnerable with another person.

The chances are that you told them truths about yourself that you previously had not expressed. And in return, the other person did the same to you, and the two of you shared the joy of discovering each other.

Practice this neat trick with everyone

If you are asked about something you often talk about, (for example, why you chose your profession), challenge yourself not to repeat the same thing you always say. Find a previously unexplored angle and elaborate on that one.

We all have a million different reasons for the decisions we make.

You can even say something along the line; This is how I usually answer this question, but I’m going to tell you something I don’t often share. (The other person will be intrigued.)

Being authentic takes effort

This answer works on all kinds of questions. To come up with authentic but original answers takes a bit more effort. That is why we seldom do it. To appear vulnerable to a man, you need to put in that effort.

Step 5. Get to know yourself

To become better at telling your story and the truth about yourself in an unusual way, you have to get to know yourself better. You do this by asking yourself deep and tricky questions.

Try and find out what makes you different from other humans. Think back to the choices you have made in your life and how those formed the person you are today.

Check in with yourself and ask yourself deep emotional questions.

Have a close relationship with yourself

We get to know ourselves by being present with ourselves and spending time with ourselves.

For example, by going on long walks in nature. Practice sharing your insights about yourself and humankind with the people around you.

Read books to understand yourself better

The relationship you have with yourself should be under constant development. Reading is another way to work on the relationship you have with yourself.

When you want to appear vulnerable with a man, don’t underestimate having a quiet night with a book and yourself as only company.

Step 6. Show him your quirky side

We all have it. We all try to hide it.

Especially at the beginning of a relationship. But you have habits and traditions that are very you. Your quirky things are the things your best friend would point out and laugh about (in a friendly matter). Don’t try to hide this side of yourself.

Instead, try and tell people weird but interesting things about yourself. Those things can be painful things as well as fun and entertaining things.

Find out what makes you unique

The important part is to find out more about what makes you unique and to be brave enough to share those sides with the world.

When you want to appear vulnerable with a man, think about something strange you are weirdly passionate about, and share this with him. He will like you for it and feel closer to you. he will also feel more comfortable sharing his weird, quirky sides with you.

Let go of being perfect

If you are a person who often strives for perfection, try to let go and allow yourself to mess up and to be a mess from time to time. Don’t try to hide your imperfections.

Step 7. Work on your self-confidence

The bravery of being vulnerable is connected to how comfortable you feel being yourself and expressing yourself. Your self-esteem should be a work in progress and something you actively reflect on and try to improve. How to improve your self-confidence is a rather big subject.

Check out this Ted talk by Brené Brown about the power of vulnerability, and our article How to be more emotionally available.

Stay away from being critical

To be vulnerable the right way, don’t be critical of yourself. Don’t be critical of the man in question. Being critical makes us retreat deeper into our safe space.

It’s the opposite of being vulnerable.

How to be vulnerable with a man, examples

To round out this article about how to appear vulnerable to a man, I will give you a couple of quick examples.

• Ask him for help with something.
• Ask him to explain something.
• Ask him to teach you something.
• Learn something new together, the two of you.
• Ask him deep and personal questions. (Check out our First date conversations tips.)
• Practice opening up emotionally; tell him about how past experiences shaped who you are today.
• Take his advice on something, for example, reading a book he recommended or listening to music he recommended.
• Tell him about your favorite songs and what they mean to you; play the songs for him.

A Final Note

When you ask yourself how to appear vulnerable with a man, remember that you can practice emotional vulnerability with everyone around you. This way, you will become better at being yourself and speaking your truth.

When the right man comes along, you will know how to appear vulnerable with him.

Practicing the above tips and techniques in all your relationships. Being vulnerable will give you meaningful connections with the people around you. It’s a skill worth having and a skill that’s always worth working towards improving.