How do you know if you are dating the right person?

6 clear signs he is a keeper

At the beginning of a relationship, it’s hard to see things for what they truly are. You are in love, and that leads to the infamous rose-tinted glasses. Everything about him looks fantastic. It can be hard to know if you are dating the right person but rest assured, I will help you separate the gold from the shit.

Look for these 6 traits

The right person will display these traits: 1. He will feel like a friend. 2. He wants to be with you. 3. The two of you have an easy time communicating.

4. He behaves like a nice, considerate person in other aspects of his life. He treats his friends, family, and work with respect and love.

5. There is a strong mutual attraction. 6. You share the same sense of humor and genuinely have fun together. 

Consider these signs a row of white flags, gently swaying in the wind, giving you thumbs up to progress with the relationship.

What about red flags?

There is a lot of talk about the red flags. Things you should avoid, different clues that the new man you are dating is a potential narcissist or just not ready for a relationship.

Another risk with dating (and wanting to be in a relationship) is that he is a lovely human being, but not the right man for you.

So, in this text, I wanted to list the things you should be looking for to decide if he is the right guy for you. All those minor signs tell you that you have found someone worth keeping. You are dating the right person.

 1. He feels like a friend

A good solid love story is based on a good solid friendship. A friend is someone who is considerate towards your needs and who always wants the best for you.

A good friend is someone you can talk with for hours. I cannot stress this point enough; a love story is like an endless conversation, so choose your conversation partner wisely.

Would he make a good friend?

Don’t be blinded by emotions and lust. Think about him as a friend. Is he someone you would want to have in your life if the pure sensual aspect of the relationship were taken away? How would you feel about him if you had met him in other circumstances?

Seeing him separately from your budding love story will help you know if you are dating the right person.

Will he be your rock?

Attraction and chemistry are essential, but it’s the friendship that will help you through problems and challenging times.

Falling in love is a bit of an egocentric experience. It’s all about you and your feelings. Staying in love is about him and how good of a friend he has the capacity to be.

2. He wants to be with you

It is remarkable how many people forget the most basic condition of an epic love saga.

If this criterion is not fulfilled, none of the rest matters.

He has to choose you

It doesn’t matter what a great person he is or how much fun the two of you have. It doesn’t matter how sweet he is to his mum. You will have to evaluate him not just as a person, but also as a person in relation to you.

Does he want to be with you? Does he really want to be with you? Is he dedicated to your relationship? If the answer is yes, that’s a major white flag.

If he wants you, you will know

You shouldn’t have to think too long about this question. Someone who wants to be with you will make his intentions clear. It’s easy to know if he wants to be with you.

He picks up the phone to check in with you. He notices what you like and what’s important to you. As the relationship progress, he becomes more comfortable talking about the future. First, he broaches the subject carefully and then with more clarity as the two of you get to know each other.

He shows you how he feels

You know that he likes you. You don’t have to guess or interpret different clues. He tells you what he wants. And his words line up with his actions. He wants you in his life. He wants to put in the work to make your relationship work.

Want to know more about how men think and feel about love? Check out What makes a man fall in love.

If you are still in doubt, just ask

If you have been dating for a while and are unsure about where he stands, ask him. Surprisingly often, men will tell you the truth. Most men are honest. If you ask him where he sees the relationship going, he will tell you.

Depending on his answer, you will know if you are dating the right person.

A relationship takes a lot of commitment, so don’t settle for someone who doesn’t want to be with you.

 3. Good communication is one of the most evident signs that you are dating the right person

It’s probably no surprise that how the two of you communicate is extremely important.

Throughout the relationship, there will be a lot of communication. When it comes to this aspect, a white flag is that he listens to you, and that you feel heard after a conversation.

The communication channels should also work the other way around. He should be able to express himself clearly and truthfully. You feel you can understand his point of view even if it’s the opposite of your own.

Communicating about emotions

One of the most challenging and important parts of communication is expressing our emotions. Ask yourself how he reacts if you communicate about emotions. If you want to be sneaky, you can put him to the test. Just fake an emotion and tell him how you are feeling.

Observe how he acts around emotions

You can do this in a very gentle way. Observe what’s happening. How does he react when you express emotion? Is he present? Does he listen? Can he handle your feelings in a suitable way? Also, ask yourself if he can express his emotions to you.

To know if you are dating the right person, the answer lies in your communication.

Does he keep his word?

Communication is not only the ability to understand what the other person is saying. It’s also about delivering on the practical aspect of what’s being communicated.

If you ask him to do something, does he follow through? Does the information you share with him affect the way he acts? Because words are one thing, and actions are another thing, and those two are supposed to collaborate.

Another important question is, does he keep his word?

Communication is about reaching mutual understanding. If the two of you are good at that, it’s a clear sign that your relationship has a future.

4. How does he behave in other aspects of his life?

At the beginning of a relationship, it’s easy to be blinded by how sweet he is towards you and what a great match the two of you seem to be. However, if you are serious about evaluating him and the potential of your relationship, you have to take a step back and consider his life as a whole.

What does his life tell you about him?

How someone carries themselves through life says a lot about their emotional maturity. You want to be around someone who has control over their circumstances.

Life, to some extent, is to set goals for yourself and then fulfill those goals. If your new man is able to do this, it means he is a keeper.

How does he deal with obstacles?

We all face problems. We all deal with backlashes. Some of us come from a less-than-ideal background and thus have a bigger struggle. That’s OK. Problems and obstacles are part of life, but if your new guy constantly has problems with different areas of his life, there is an overwhelming risk that he himself is the main problem.

And the answer to the question might be that you now know that you are not dating the right person.

Important areas of his life to consider

Areas to consider when you evaluate his life are his relationship with his family, his professional life, health, fitness, how he takes care of his economics, and his spiritual growth.

One important thing to consider is how well-balanced the different areas in his life are and if the attention he gives to each area matches the attention you give to those areas in your life.

Are your priorities well-matched?

Are you both family-oriented? Great. Are you both health freaks that spend hours on your fitness regime? Or are you free-spirited souls who don’t put much value on materialistic belongings? The more your priorities match, the bigger the chance your relationship will succeed.

Is he in control of his life?

When evaluating your new partner, consider how many potential problems you want to invite into your life. When you couple up with someone, to a certain extent, their problems become your problems.

In summary, is he in control of his life, or is the world something that just happens to him? If the answer is the former, that’s a major white flag.

 5. Attraction

Are you attracted to him? Are you sexually compatible? Does the importance you place on sex and frequency match his desires and sexual wishes? It’s also about other forms of closeness, such as cuddling, hugging, and holding hands.

This one is a deal-breaker for many couples

By being with someone, you basically give up the chance of getting intimate affection from someone else (this is the case in monogamous relationships). So, you must ensure that you are indeed on the same page regarding intimacy and sex.

The intimacy you share is only one aspect when you want to know if you are dating the right person, but it is a crucial one. Make sure you feel like your sexuality is in safe hands.

If you want to know how he feels about you, check out The biggest signs a man is falling in love.

6. Humor

Life is a long and winding road. There will be plenty of stumbling blocks along the way, metaphorically speaking. And the most effective way to shine a bit of light on the darkest stretches of life is humor.

Do you find him funny? Can he make you laugh? Can you make him laugh? Is there a sense of lightness and fun between you?

Laughing together is healing

If yes, congratulations, you are already halfway through those small relationship dramas. Being able to laugh daily and laugh off small annoying things that are barely worth the attention will save you hours of arguing. A man who is able to laugh about himself and, by doing that, also makes you laugh, is a keeper.

Here are a couple of additional tips on how to know that you are dating the right person

Ask him about his exes and why his previous relationships didn’t work out? This question is a real truth-teller.

The way someone talks about their ex says a lot about them. Are they levelheaded? Do they take responsibility and distribute the guilt equally? A white flag can be raised for someone who is on good terms with at least one of their exes.

Transparency and trust

Trust is not only about being faithful; trust is much more than that. Do you trust him with your secrets? Do you trust him enough to be yourself, share all of you (your biggest regrets and shame), and still feel accepted and valued?

A final Note

Do you like him for who he is (just the way he is)?

If you accept him just the way he is without the need or wish to change anything, then you are good to go. This is a crucial point – if you want a cat, don’t get a dog.