Do I like him or the attention? – 5 ways to tell the difference

Plus 7 important questions to ask yourself

What are the signs that you are falling for someone? You have met a nice guy and the two of you are dating. Great news, right? Well, there is one little problem, you are not sure if you like him or the attention.

You like the fact that he likes you, but your own feelings just don’t seem to be where you want them to be.

I will tell you the truth

In a situation like this, there can actually be quite a lot going on under the surface. This guy might be a great match for you but since you are afraid of love you self-sabotage.

Have you a tendency to pick the wrong guys?

You do want love

You might object and tell me that you are ready for love. The problem is that you are not sure if you want it with this guy. Fair enough.

These 10 signs will give you your answer.

5 clear signs that you don’t like him and just like the attention

1. There are no butterflies

We all know that great feeling of falling in love. You daydream, become distracted and develop the ability to float a couple of centimeters above the ground.

Things that previously used to annoy you, don’t seem to matter anymore. Every time you think about him, you smile to yourself.

Are you nervous?

Nerves are actually also a sign that you like someone. So, if you are calm as a monk, that’s a sign you like the attention, but not him.

If you have next to no butterflies, time to be honest with yourself, this man is simply not your match.

2. You don’t feel especially horny

Yes, I’m going to go there. Not everyone will give you this advice, but it is an important one.

Sex is a big divider between friendship and romantic relationships. If you are not crazy attracted to him, most likely you are in it for the attention. You don’t like the guy as he deserves to be liked.

Your body should react to his presence

Having a conversation with him should make you wet. Your body should react to his precens.

Not every time, obviously. But it is important to pick someone who makes you horny as hell. This is a deep animalistic instinct that absolutely should be there.

Don’t settle for less.

3. Your life is not where you want it to be

Time for an uncomfortable reality check? Are you happy with your career? With your social life? Do you like the place where you live?

Sometimes we use love to escape from everything that is wrong with our life.

When he gives you attention, you derive joy from that instance. You also feel worthy because he clearly likes you. Since you feel un-worthy in other areas of your life, his attention becomes important to you.

This is not the road to real happiness, as I’m sure you realize.

Time to make a plan

Deal with the things that you want to improve in your life. Make a list, and start attacking those points. By giving yourself the attention you deserve, you become less addicted to his attention.

When you have done this, you will know if you still are interested in him or if he and his attention become totally redundant.

4. You derive a lot of your excitement from dating and male attention

Love is a big aspect of our life.

Unfortunately, some people take this too far and their dating life becomes the sun of their existence. Love and attention make our body release endorphins and other pleasure hormones. Thus, we get addicted to flirting and sexual attention.

Look at your pattern

Do you have a history of getting high on the love-drug? Are dating and male attention the biggest thing you have going on in your life?

If yes, you might confuse getting validation with having actual feelings.

Needing validation

When you have low self-esteem, you are always looking to prove your value by getting praise from someone on the outside. You care about your image and how you come across to other people. You feel good about yourself when you are liked.

Instead, try to listen to yourself and feel your true authentic self. The more you do that, the better you will become at distinguishing between those two scenarios.

5. You are not really all that interested in who he is as a person

When he talks, do you sometimes get bored? If this is the case, you probably like the attention and not the guy in question.

One of the biggest signs that we are falling for someone is that we find them endlessly fascinating.

Do you need constant distractions?

Can the two of you just be quiet together, doing nothing?

Being comfortable just being with him is a sign you like him. If you on the other hand always need to do something, like a trip or a fancy restaurant, then you just like the attention.

5 clear signs that you do like him

1. You like the thought of being close to him

Our longing for physical intimacy doesn’t lie. Do you like hugging him? Do you get pleasure by just looking at him? When the two of you are just doing your thing, do you feel comfortable with that simple closeness?

You like to spend time with him

When he suggests spending time together doing ordinary things like grocery shopping or laundry, do you still feel happy just being with him?

How we spend our time is a telltale sign of how we really feel. Do you make him a priority? Are you looking forward to the next time you get to see him?

2. He has many of the qualities you were looking for

Sometimes our heart and logical mind is in conflict. Logically you know he is a good caring stable man, but your heart doesn’t seem as excited.

You might think that you should always listen to your heart, but in some cases the opposite is true. Especially if you have a tendency to pick men that logically are not a good match.

You are afraid of true solid love

Your heart is simply afraid and as a result, your heart tries to tell you he is not the guy for you. When in fact, logically you know he is everything you have been looking for.

Would he make a great friend?

If yes, continue seeing him, your heart might be willing to open itself. Read my article How to fall in love, some of the answers will surprise you.

3. You are afraid of being hurt and rejected

Let’s dig a bit deeper, because many people who struggle with intimacy do so because of deep-rooted fears. Those fear often stem from experiences in your childhood.

We might not always be aware that it is fear that is driving our decisions.

You feel triggered

If he is a guy who seems like a good match, what happens on an emotional level is that you get triggered. The thought of a close bond with another human triggers your fight-or-flight response. As a result, you shut down your romantic feelings.

Are you fault-finding?

Do you actively try to look for ways he is not a good match? If those things are small and insignificant, it’s a sign that you are triggered.

The same goes if those faults are things that could be solved by an honest and constructive conversation.

4. You want him to get to know the real you

When we like someone, we want them to know things about us that are sensitive or even painful. Being in love actually gives us a strong longing for being vulnerable. Check out my article to find out more about this mechanism.

You might be a bit reserved when it comes to opening up to him. But consider how you would feel if he would know those things about you?

Are you comfortable with the thought? Do you trust him?

Do you want him to know you?

Does it make you happy that he might eventually be able to see the true you and love that person?

Is he a person who is a safe harbor for the real you? If you feel the answer to this question is a strong yes, you do like him.

5. He treats you better than any guy has done before

It can be incredibly scary to meet someone and realize that the two of you could be a real possibility. It is actually easier to date men who you don’t feel live up to your standards. You don’t have as much to lose, so you feel relaxed.

But this guy might be different, you can see that he is a cut above everyone else you have been dating.

Your friends think the two of you are a good match

Since your friends are not romantically involved in this decision, they have the capability to see things more clearly. Your friends are not going to make a decision based on fear.

Go ahead and ask a couple of them if they think you like him or the attention?

5 Important questions to ask yourself when you are wondering do I like him or the attention?

1. Do you want a relationship?

In today’s society there is a lot of focus on romantic love and having a relationship.

It’s important that you ask yourself what you want. Being single can be the most productive and fun period of your life. A relationship is not a requirement for being happy. On the contrary, the wrong relationship will drain your mental and emotional resources.

Don’t feel like you have to have a relationship just because all your friends have one.

If you just want to have fun and still continue to date him, read my article Is It OK To Date Just For Fun? Let’s Find Out, for some eye-opening truths.

2. Are you vulnerable enough?

A lot of times, when you have a man in front of you and you don’t feel enough romantic attraction the reason is that you have not been vulnerable enough.

Connection is something that happens when we are able to relax and be ourselves and allow the other person to truly see us.

Let him see the real you

Try to share more about who you are. This might spark those feelings you are longing for. You can also do this in a very practical way by inviting him to activities you enjoy and that are a big part of who you are.

To be able to open up, you can use the tips in my article How to be more emotionally available.

3. Is the sexual attraction lacking?

I hear you on this point, the frustration is real. Sometimes we met a great guy, but we simply don’t feel that strong raw attraction. This sucks.

The best medicine is to work on yourself through personal development, journaling, and meditation.

You might think those things have nothing to do with sexual attraction but being attracted to a non-toxic person is all about the relationship you have with yourself. Once you have a trusting and loving relationship to yourself that relationship will manifest itself in all of your relationships.

4. Does the relationship leave me energized?

We often get a kick out of being around people we like. So, to check if you like him or the attention, just observe how you feel when the two of you have just hung out.

Do you feel alive? Happy? Giddy?

That form of instant feedback is usually your true feelings. A couple of hours (or days) later you can start doubting the connection. But how you feel when you just left him is a good indicator of your true feelings.

5. Are you still thinking of other men?

I thought I should mention this point since many people seem to think that if you are still thinking of other men, you like the attention, not him.

The opposite is true

Thinking about other men is a form of protection. You are trying to distract yourself from the very real feelings you have for this man.

Your brain is actively trying to take him down a couple of notches and assuring you that if things don’t work out, you have alternatives.

You might feel like you are already getting too attached, and to lower your emotional investment, you start thinking about other men. This is normal, especially when you first start to date someone. It does not mean that you don’t like him, it could just mean that you are afraid.

A Final note

The best way to find out if you like him or the attention is to give the budding relationship time. Time will give you the answer.

Don’t regard this time as wasted time (As I’ve seen some people do.)

You are never wasting time, you are always learning and growing and figuring out what you want in love. This guy has a lesson to teach you, even if it’s just a lesson about what you don’t want.

If he is not the one, he will be a part of your journey toward finding the one.