The 7 main signs that you are intimidating to men
Guys never ask you out. In fact, you feel like you get zero male attention. On top of that, men sometimes say that you are scary or that you have an icy demeanor. Lately, you have been wondering “Am I intimidating or unattractive?”
All women are attractive
First of all, no woman is unattractive because men are attracted to women, all sorts of women, all the time. It’s in our human nature to find other humans attractive.
But let’s take a deeper look at some different character traits and why they scare men away. Let’s work together to try and figure out if you are intimidating. (Now that we know that you are not unattractive.)
I will also give you all the necessary solutions.
7 signs that you are intimidating to men
1. You are attractive
Women who are above average in attractiveness get approached a lot less, especially if they have solid self-confidence. This is because a lot of men automatically assume that those women get hit on all the time and thus will reject them straight away.
Attractive women are scary to a lot of men.
The solution
Pick men you like and approach them. Approach men who you find attractive but are not generally viewed as attractive. You will be very successful.
You can be the picker, no need to wait around for the right man to approach you. This method works even if you are not crazy attractive.
2. You are dismissive
Are you often plagued with negative thoughts? Do you feel angry and anxious?
Your inner world does reflect on your appearance and overall demeanor and many men pick up on this and act accordingly.
If you look like you are in a bad mood, no man is going to approach you. You will indeed be intimidating to most men, some men will also find your negativity unattractive.
The solution
When you change how you view the world, the world will change as a result.
Our thoughts and feeling often become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The good news is that this is relatively easy to change. Start a grateful diary and practice mindfulness. Focus on all the positive things in your life. Your newfound joy will make you a hell lot less intimidating.
3. You are successful
Yes, it is unfortunately true that a lot of men find successful women intimidating, some insecure men even find successful women unattractive.
If you derive a lot of your identity from your profession and your success, this will become even more apparent. If you talk a lot about your achievements, this will scare some men away.
Men become attracted to you when they have something to offer to you as a woman. If you are strong and independent, some men will feel like they don’t have enough to offer you. Sad but true.
Men want to be the hero
Men want to enrich your life. If you are too successful, they will think that you already have everything you need. This will scare some men off. It can also lead to men not asking you out on dates.
The solution
The right man will appreciate your success, but as not to accidentally scare him off, do develop and embrace all the other sides of you.
I’m sure your success is only one part of you as a person. When you talk with men, don’t always get stuck in the “professional conversation.”
Don’t tell him about all your success. Let him discover that on his own, later on.
Instead, be open and vulnerable and share who you truly are.
4. You have resting-bitch-face
Some people look angry even when they are not.
To find out if this applies to you, ask a couple of friends for their honest opinion. Also, don’t beat yourself up, cause this look will work in your favor in a lot of other contexts.
People don’t mess with you
People will take you more seriously and they will listen more to what you have to say. A stern face is both a blessing and a curse.
When it comes to men, yes, some of them will find you intimidating and even unattractive. That says more about their insecurities than it says about you.
The solution
You have probably already heard it, and I’m going to tell you the same thing since it is true; smile more.
A woman’s genuine smile is the biggest invitation to every man. You can also try and laugh more to show your sense of humor. Men are attracted to a woman when they feel they can entertain her.
Become a softer version of yourself
Practice softening your face. And practice some more. Don’t think that you look stupid or fake; eventually, the softness will become genuine.
You can also think about funny things since your thoughts naturally reflect on your face.
Or, you know, just be proud of your resting-bitch-face. It’s nothing wrong with looking like you got your shit together.
5. You are loud and opinionated
Yes, those qualities will indeed scare men a bit. There are a lot of shy and introverted men out there. They will feel intimidated by all your energy.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, this is also a beautiful personality to have. The right man will appreciate your strength and he will love that you have fierce opinions.
You can also ask a friend if you come across as loud and powerful.
The solution
Become a better listener. When you interact with other people, what they truly remember is how you made them feel about themselves.
We are drawn and attracted to people who make us feel intelligent, interesting, and funny.
Learn how to truly see other humans
If you are too busy putting on a show, you don’t really see the other human in front of you. As a result, that person doesn’t feel seen by you. And we all want to feel seen.
This is a skill that can be learned. Just go out and practice seeing other people and hearing what they have to say and try to understand who they truly are.
6. You are determent and passionate
Some people are so focused on their goals and their achievements that everything else fades. They don’t notice the men around them and as a result, the men don’t notice them. This is a common mechanism I see when someone asks am I intimidating or unattractive?
Our internal world reflects back to us in the external world. If you are too focused on achieving your goals, men can feel intimidated by you because you give off a vibe of being unavailable.
Passion is hot
It’s great that you want to conquer the world in your chosen field, but if you also want to attract men, you have to take an occasional break from your quest.
Once again, don’t beat yourself up; passion is sexy.
If you want to find out more traits that are attractive to men, read our article What makes a woman memorable to a man.
The solution
Take a break. I mean a real long mental break. Try to find a couple of other interests, and focus on them. But don’t over-focus. (I know that you have that tendency.)
Sometimes we as humans get so focused on arriving at a goal that we don’t see the journey.
Ask yourself how you can be more open and spontaneous towards the world?
Leave your life mission for a couple of hours, go for a walk, challenge yourself to talk with a stranger.
7. You are an alpha-woman
Just as there is alpha male, there are also alpha females. Some women are born leaders. They are strong and full of life and energy.
The right man will absolutely be drawn to you. But a lot of quieter men will indeed feel that you are intimidating.
Do you prefer to do things your way? Are other people inclined to follow your decisions? Those are clear signs that you are indeed an alpha female.
The solution
You don’t have to change your personality if you don’t want to. When the right strong man comes along, he will like you just the way you are.
But there are also a lot of other qualities apart from being forceful and energetic. Being deep and reflective and good at seeing other people is also qualities worth developing. If you are too alpha and, as a result, intimidating to men, you can absolutely soften your personality.
For additional tips on how to win a man’s heart, check out How to flirt with a man.
So, are you unattractive then?
Now that you know the 7 major signs that you are intimidating to men, you might not recognize yourself in any of them.
On the contrary, you might be pretty soft and shy, and still, you have the feeling that men stay away.
Not to worry. Because, in most cases, it’s the woman that “approaches” the man. She shows him, in an ever-so-subtle way, that she wants to know more.
How to get men to approach
Men rarely approach a woman for no reason at all. In fact, most approaches start with the woman smiling toward the man. It’s the woman that opens up her body language and shows that she is available for a conversation. You taking the initiative is how you become neither intimidating nor unattractive. When someone likes us, we often feel attraction toward that person.
It’s the woman who gives the cue that she is approachable
Next time you notice a man you like, instigate the contact by saying something. The funny thing is that you can say anything, for example, It’s cold today.
Your actual word doesn’t matter, because what you really are saying is, “It’s OK to talk to me.”
For most men, that’s all the encouragement they need. To learn more about how to approach men, check out our article How to make a move on a guy.
A final note
Maybe you have too high expectations of the bravery of men. Most men are more afraid of rejection than you might realize.
A lot of men never approach a woman. You’re not going to meet the man of your dreams by passively waiting. Instead, take life on by the horns, and approach every interesting man you lay your eyes on. One of them will blow your mind.
Moa Ailert is the founder and editor-in-chief of Her Brilliant Friend.
She has a bachelor’s degree in philosophy and plenty of insight into human psychology from traveling and living in different places around the world.
Moa is currently based in Portugal where she has a guesthouse; Villa dos Irmaos.
She has various websites, among others Ericeira Insider, but Her brilliant friend is her true passion project.
