8 ways to tell the difference
Are you pondering the many differences between an acquaintance vs friend?
Exactly where is that magic line when the girl you used to have coffee with at work suddenly becomes a real friend?
Is it an unexpected call to chat about nothing? A birthday invitation? Or something less subtle, like when you told him about how your cat died?
Friendship is a choice
An acquaintance is someone you know on a surface level. A friend, on the other hand, is someone you choose to spend time with. Friends also share their thoughts and feelings with each other. You choose to confide in your friend.
Almost anyone can qualify as an acquaintance, but few people move on to become true friends.
Let’s take a look at 8 of the key differences between an acquaintance and a friend.
Make a new friend
If you are wondering how to take an acquaintance and make them a friend, you can use this guide to the differences between the two, to change your relationship.
Just narrow down what is missing in your interactions, change this factor and you might get yourself a new friend.
Many friendships start with two people being acquaintances. Throw out an invitation and see how it goes. If you want more tips on how to make new friends, check out my article How to make new friends in your 30s.
1. Friends share a deep bond
You can spend a lot of time with someone and still only be acquaintances.
This is, for example, true with people you work with. Thus, one of the key differences is that friends know each other on a deeper level.
They simply know more things about each other. That’s the straightforward truth when it comes to acquaintance vs friend.
Being someone’s acquaintance means a surface-level relationship. You don’t tell acquaintances much about what’s going on in your life. The interaction is distinguished by politeness rather than warmth.
To find out more about how you can develop your friendships and make them stronger, read my article The secrets to strong friendships.
2. We feel warmth toward our friends
Speaking of warmth, another important way to separate an acquaintance from a friend is your level of emotional investment.
To put it simply; you care about friends.
You hope they will be happy and successful. In fact, you might even take a certain level of delight in their victories.
A friend is someone who you like and who likes you back.
With an acquaintance, we don’t feel an emotional connection. We might not dislike the person, but they don’t make our hearts swell with tenderness and care.
3. Friends spend time together
Sure, it’s not always the case that we have the possibility to spend a lot of time with our friends.
But this is, nevertheless, one of the easiest ways to tell if someone is a friend. Friends spend time together in different contexts. An acquaintance, on the other hand, we usually see in a special setting. For example, at work.
You see friends for dinners, for doing sports together, for concerts. A friend is someone who shows up in many different circumstances.
Friends socialize.
4. Friendship is a mutual bond
The level of reciprocity is one way to separate an acquaintance from a friend.
It takes two people to form a friendship.
If only one person is interested in a deeper connection, the relationship will still be one of two acquaintances.
Both of you have to be onboard on the mission to become friends. Friendship is a choice that requires a certain level of investment. This investment has to come from both parties.
A friendship is when two people choose to be friends with each other.
5. Friends help each other out
Many people consider this aspect of friendship to be an important aspect. It’s definitely one to consider when you ask acquaintance vs friend.
Friends support each other. You can trust your friends to be there for you. If you need help with something practical, like a lift, you would ask a friend. And you would expect them to be there and help you out if they have the possibility. You wouldn’t have any expectations like that of an acquaintance.
If you were in trouble, or just wanted to talk, you would reach out to a friend. You would hardly reach out to an acquaintance. We don’t expect any kind of support from acquaintances.
We have expectations of our friends
Many people also expect to be able to come and stay with their friends (rather than at a hotel.) While some people take the practical support as far as expecting friends to help them out with money.
Some people rely on their friends more than they rely on their family and they consider their friends a form of family.
6. Friends support each other emotionally
The support between friends also happens on an emotional level. You ask your friends about their goals, and you cheer them on when they try to achieve those goals.
If they are sad or upset, you are there for them on an emotional level. You call to check how they are doing. If you haven’t seen a friend in a long time, you are eager to have a coffee and catch up.
We are there for our friends
This form of emotional support is one of the foundations of a friendship. It’s an important aspect of the area of acquaintance vs friend. We want the best for each other, and we try to help each other.
With an acquaintance, there is almost none of this form of support.
If you are wondering exactly how to provide emotional support, read my article Being There For Someone In A Time Of Need.
7. Between acquaintances, there is not the same level of affection
Almost everyone in your circle counts as an acquaintance. But a friend is someone you choose to invest in on a deeper level.
Acquaintance is people who happen to be in your life. You didn’t make a conscious effort to include them in your life. But a friendship is a relationship that needs nourishment.
As a general rule, we do not act affectionately toward our acquaintances, we save that feeling and behavior for our friends.
8. An acquaintance is someone you know
What separates a stranger from an acquaintance is that the latter is someone you know.
You might know their name and what they do for a living. When you meet them in the street, you say hello, and often stop to exchange pleasantries.
But the relationship does not go beyond that.
How to take an acquaintance and turn them into a friend
- Invite them to a group gathering.
- Invite them to dinner at your place.
- Share something vulnerable about yourself.
- Ask them a personal question.
A Final Note
We can have a lot of acquaintances, but since a good friendship requires us to invest time and energy, the number of friends we have is limited.
Thus, don’t try and force an acquaintance to become your friend. They might simply have enough friends already.
Also, don’t expect too much from the friends you have. A good friendship is based on an equal amount of giving and receiving.
If you are longing for close and deep connections, make new friends. There are people everywhere that would be happy to move from the role of an acquaintance and undertake the role of a true friend.
Moa Ailert is the founder and editor-in-chief of Her Brilliant Friend.
She has a bachelor’s degree in philosophy and plenty of insight into human psychology from traveling and living in different places around the world.
Moa is currently based in Portugal where she has a guesthouse; Villa dos Irmaos.
She has various websites, among others Ericeira Insider, but Her brilliant friend is her true passion project.
