A comprehensive guide with lots of examples and solutions on how to handle the situation
When someone shows you a lot of love, you respond by feeling a lot of love for that person. This is a natural human reaction and nothing you should feel ashamed about. But sometimes, this behavior is a sign of a toxic relationship, so you should be aware of different examples of love bombing.
Examples of love bombing
A lot of compliments. Expensive over-the-top gifts. Intensive texting. Extreme admiration for who you are.
Other examples of love bombing are too much attention and asking for a big commitment, such as moving in together early in the relationship, as well as giving you an extreme amount of physical affection.
A unique connection
A love bomber will make you feel like the most special person in the whole universe. And on top of this, a love bomber will make you feel like the connection the two of you share is something truly unique and valuable.
He will exploit your love
Our ability to love is something that enriches our lives.
The ability to love is what makes us strong. But if the wrong person enters our life, he will take advantage of this human trait and try to destroy our confidence rather than make it stronger.
The love bomber wants control
When a person is love-bombing you, he uses your natural reaction pattern to evoke a specific feeling.
The feeling he wants you to have is love and affection. But he also wants to be the source of those feelings.
So that instead of you getting those feelings from friends and family and achievement, you get them from him.
Love bombing is a form of manipulation
By love bombing you, he takes a central place in your life.
He quickly becomes the most important person in your life, and that’s exactly what he wants. He wants to have that amount of power over you.
It’s important to see love bombing for what it is, the other person is trying to manipulate you.
If you suspect you are in the hands of a love bomber, check out our article about manipulative behavior. It’s a long comprehensive guide, but it will give you lots of insight into different versions of manipulative behavior.
You become addicted to his love bombing
By love bombing you, the person who exhibits this behavior falsely builds up your ego and confidence. This is a sneaky way to get control.
Because when he is the person who builds you up, he is also getting access to the possibility of tearing you down.
He can boost your ego. But if your confidence is not rock-solid (most people’s confidence is not rock-solid), he can totally destroy your confidence.
He will not be nice forever
We all have a very confident side, and we all have a very insecure side. A love bomber will boost your confident side.
When he has got you where he wants by love bombing, he will change into a completely different person.
By now, you have become addicted to him and his love bombing.
Be cautious at the beginning of a relationship
When you see the following examples of love bombing from someone you just met; be cautious.
Don’t get carried away.
Remember that someone’s personality has to be assessed over an extensive period of time. There is a reason we trust our oldest friends the most.
If you suspect someone is trying to love bombing you, check out our article about Ending toxic relationships. You will learn a lot.
Let’s dig into examples of love bombing. Because the best way to not fall victim to love bombing is to be aware of all the examples of love bombing.
1. Too much attention
The first sign of a love bomber is that they simply give you too much attention, in all areas of life and in different mediums.
A love bomber will shower you with attention.
They will constantly call you and text you and want to spend all their time with you.
The love bomber doesn’t even let you sleep
In the nighttime, they want to stay up talking and having sex. Some of them will even keep you from sleeping. Love bombers are no strangers to picking you up from work or tagging along when you go to the gym.
He demands all of your time
If you are doing something, they want to be there. If they are not there psychically, they will call and send you text messages.
They will also try and take up the time you normally would spend with friends and family. This is a deliberate technique to isolate you.
2. Lots of compliments
We all love to hear compliments, and the love bomber takes full advantage of this weakness.
He might tell you different, extremely flattering things. For example, that you are the coolest person he has ever met, and he admires your strength.
Most likely, he will say that he has never felt like this for anyone before. He will tell you what an amazing and special person you are. He will definitely tell you how lucky he is to have met you.
You get addicted
The compliments will be personal and endearing.
A love bomber is good at picking up what you consider to be your strengths and weaknesses and play you accordingly.
A rush of dopamine
When he compliments you, your body releases dopamine. It’s only natural that you get flattered and happy by a compliment.
But that rush of happiness is also addictive, and that is how a love bomber gets you addicted to him. Compliments are especially effective if you are not used to hearing positive things about yourself.
3. Expensive gifts
A love bomber will often shower you with expensive gifts.
In fact, he will often let you know the price tag on the different gifts.
This approach works in two ways, he comes across both as a rich and generous person. Love bombers often want to portray themselves as rich at the beginning of a relationship.
Later on, you discover the truth
Later on, you will often discover that he doesn’t have so much money.
The truth is he might not have any money at all. But he likes to pretend that he is rich, and the expensive gifts play into his enlarged self-image.
You will be indebted to him
Expensive gifts also work because you will start to feel that you have a debt to him.
Since he has given you so many gifts, you owe him something.
So when he showcases bad behavior, it’s harder for you to protest since you are indebted to him.
Love bombers love luxury
The more gifts he showers you with, the more he increases your debt. There can also be the case of expensive luxury holidays.
Luxury holidays are a favorite with the love bomber because he increases your isolation, and you probably feel even more grateful towards him.
4. Too much commitment too soon
A classic love bomber will expect a lot of commitment very soon in a new relationship. He will rush into serious things, such as becoming a couple. He will demand exclusivity.
He will paint a bright future for the two of you
The love bomber will sell you on a bright future that often includes marriage and children.
If they sense that is a future you would be interested in, this is an extremely powerful emotional weapon.
Love is in the air
They say those three magical words, “I love you,” way too soon.
They might want to move in, after the third date. Whatever they do, you will feel that things are moving too fast.
It’s the emotional emptiness of the love bomber that is working its way to engulf both of you.
5. Physical affection
A love bomber will demand a lot of psychical affection.
Examples of this are hand-holding, intimate strokes, and kisses. They will want this sort of affection at all times, they can’t take their hands off you. And they want your hands to be on them.
Even when physical affection is not suitable
This behavior will be the same even in situations when physical affection is not appropriate.
In fact, they might ramp up the amount of physical affection in situations where it would be better to take it down a couple of notches.
They are marking their territory
They don’t care about the rules of society or if other people might feel uncomfortable when they see so much public affection.
Their passion for you is just so great, and they want the rest of the world to know that the two of you belong together.
The love bomber will also demand the same amount of public physical affection from you.
6. They want too much
A month or a couple of months into the relationship, things will start to shift.
It will be hard for you to keep up with the love bomber, and if the love bomber doesn’t get the exact right reaction or the right amount of attention from you, they will switch and become a completely different person.
The dark side enters the relationship
Love bombers only feel calm and confident when they have your full attention.
If you spend too much time on other people or other obligations, they might get sulky, jealous, or even aggressive.
You will lose yourself
A love bomber will monopolize your time and attention, and in this process, you will start to lose track of yourself.
That is one of the goals of the love bomber.
A love bomber will demand so much of your time and energy that you will become increasingly isolated from friends and family.
The fun has come to an end
As time goes by, you will see more and more of the other nasty side of the love bomber.
You will have a difficult time defending yourself against his demands and accusations.
The honeymoon face is officially over. This usually takes between 3 and 6 months.
He might start love bombing again
When the love bomber feels too much resentment or doubt from you, he will resort back to love bombing. But you will never get back the full force of the love from the first part of your relationship.
To find out more about what a beginning of a healthy relationship looks like, check out our article How do you know if you are dating the right person?
Who is the love bomber?
Love bombing is a common trait of narcissistic personalities.
A narcissist will shower you with love, appreciation, and affection as a manipulative tactic to get your love.
He will hook you with the positive feelings you will get at the beginning of the relationship.
A toxic relationship
When things between the two of you turn toxic, you will already have too many emotions invested in the relationship.
It will not be easy for you to walk away.
Because of this, it’s important to recognize the examples of love bombing as early as possible.
A deeply troubled human being
The love bombers struggle with deep-seated feelings of inadequacy.
Furthermore, they often fear that they lack the worthiness to be with a romantic partner.
The love bomber has a very low sense of self and very low self-confidence.
A tragic past
They were probably the victim of love bombing themselves. Thus, they picked up this way of interacting with other humans as a strategy to get love.
Trying to save a love bomber
Dating a love bomber will give you a sense that there is a nice person underneath all the insecurity. You can probably feel his longing for a stable human connection.
In many regards, love bombing is a sort of grooming. But it is also another human being, starved for love, who is trying to do the best with the cards he was dealt.
When trying to save a love bomber, you will give your time and energy to someone who is most likely impossible to save. Proceed with caution.
One more thing about love bombing
There is one more thing you need to know about love bombing. Love bombing is incredibly powerful.
I cannot stress this point enough; love bombing is like one of the strongest drugs you can ever imagine.
Love bombing gets you totally hooked on a toxic person.
The phenomena of love bombing can happen in friendships as well. And even if I, during this article, have referred to the love bomber as a “he,” women showcase this behavior as well.
Our longing for love makes us gullible
We all have a deep, profound longing to feel good about ourselves. A love bomber knows exactly how to take advantage of that. When someone love bombs you, they get you hooked.
You might spend years trying to get over the love bomber and move on. And even when you manage to get rid of the love bomber, you will still miss him and how he made you feel at the beginning of the relationship.
Knowing what a forceful weapon love bombing is, you will be kinder to yourself for being tricked.
In conclusion
All of the examples of love bombing mentioned above are also present during a normal phase of falling in love. Because of this, it can be hard to distinguish between someone falling in love with you and a love bomber.
Take time for yourself
To be able to tell the difference, you can check how he reacts if you need time to yourself. Try telling him you are busy. A healthy person will respect that the two of you cannot always be together. A love bomber, on the other hand, has a difficult time handling even a small rejection.
If your new partner has a tendency to withdraw their affection, or to punish you, when you are not doing exactly what he wants, you might be in the company of a love bomber.
The other thing you have to do is give the situation time without becoming too emotionally invested.
Don’t become too emotionally invested
Don’t over-invest in a fantastic future that might never come. The biggest and healthiest protection against a love bomber is keeping your cool and keeping your personal borders intact.
Moa Ailert is the founder and editor-in-chief of Her Brilliant Friend.
She has a bachelor’s degree in philosophy and plenty of insight into human psychology from traveling and living in different places around the world.
Moa is currently based in Portugal where she has a guesthouse; Villa dos Irmaos.
She has various websites, among others Ericeira Insider, but Her brilliant friend is her true passion project.
