How to make someone stay in love with you

Avoid these 4 relationship-destroyers and make him yours forever

How to make someone stay in love with you is a question many people overlook. But it’s a great question, worthy of a ton of attention because we all want a long-lasting, passionate, and fun relationship.

How to do it -The crash course

Don’t be too dependent on your partner. Instead, take responsibility for your life and your happiness. But don’t take this too far.

Your partner wants to feel like they are important to you and that they are making a big difference in your life.

Have enough sex to satisfy both yourself and your partner.

Don’t be negative. Instead, keep evolving and learning new skills.

Most relationships end

Many people make the mistake of thinking that once the getting-together phase is over and they have entered a secure relationship, they can just lean back and enjoy the ride.

They might even have gotten married and thus got the false security that they have found a mate for life. No such luck, unfortunately; just have a look at the divorce rate.

Keep the love alive

The truth is that most relationships end. Most people fall out of love. But you and your man don’t have to be part of that sad statistic.

Lots of people want to know How to make someone fall in love with them, here are our guide. You can (and should) use the tips we present in that guide even if you already are in a relationship.

Why do men fall out of love?

Falling in love and staying in love are not two different species. The same mechanisms are at work.

That’s why it’s so important to keep creating attraction and love between you and your partner.

If your partner falls out of love with you, there is a risk that the relationship will be over.

Why do men end relationships?

As part of our research for Her Brilliant Friend, we took the opportunity to ask our interview objects (men) if they had ended a relationship, and in that case, why they had ended the relationship?

Thanks to the participants, we got a good idea about what makes love go away. We also got a list of what not to do in a relationship.

Check out our list below and see if you are guilty of one or more of these behaviors.

Love takes work

The opposite of those destructive behaviors is what makes a man stay in love with you. It’s that easy to make someone stay in love with you. You just have to keep being you and avoid attraction destroyers.

At the end of the list, I have also added some additional crucial tips on how to make someone stay in love with you.

With the wrong man, no amount of work will ever be enough

Before we dig in, let’s acknowledge the fact that if you are with the wrong man, all those tips will be like shoveling gold into a bottomless hole full of shit.

They will not make a difference.

We can’t convince someone to love us

The love has to come from themselves, and they also have to choose that love. Love takes work. Not only work from one person, but from both of you.

The two of you should be companions working towards the common goal of a healthy, happy relationship.

Is he the right guy for you?

If you are doing everything on the list but still feel like you don’t have a deep, passionate, and dedicated relationship, I would recommend our guide Should I break up with my boyfriend?

You can also look at our article How do you know if you are dating the right person? to find out if your man is the right man for you.

Let’s look at our list of what made all those men fall out of love with their partners.

1. Too dependent

When we fall in love with someone, it’s easy to make our whole existence spin around them. We spend all our time with them. We love to ask them for advice, and we have no problem adjusting our likes and dislikes to their taste.

After all, love is such a great feeling. We help ourselves to a second portion without feeling guilty. We scoop up as much as we can.

Attraction needs space to grow

But there is a big problem with this mechanism. It’s not especially attractive to have someone always available. Love and companionship may increase, but attraction decrease.

He will start taking you for granted

Attraction and desire need space and distance to grow.

Without space and distance, both physical and metaphoric, your man will start taking you for granted. He will stop pursuing you. He will be sure he already has you, and part of his attraction for you will die.

I know it sounds harsh, but that’s just how humans work.

What to do instead

Don’t be needy, don’t cling too tightly to him.

Do your own thing, and have your own friends. Embrace everything you are passionate about, and don’t always involve him. Be a bit mysterious.

I know this feels weird if you are already in a long-term committed relationship, and he knows pretty much everything about you. But having your own life will bring vitality to the relationship. It will give the two of you things to talk about.

Focus on things you are passionate about

This technique of creating distance is especially effective if you feel like he is losing interest. When we are afraid to lose something, we clutch it harder, but to get it back, we need to do the opposite.

We need to soften our grip and let go.

Think about the person you were before you met him

Just take a step back. Redirect your focus to everything you want to achieve and everything you are passionate about. That person who you are independent of him. It was the person he fell in love with, don’t lose her.

Pursue new interests, go travel on your own. Keep your happy, healthy independence.

2. Too independent

On the opposite side of the spectrum, there is a risk of being too independent, even in a relationship.

If you hold your significant other at an arm-length distance, being vague about your feeling for him and the future. He might fall out of love with you because he doesn’t think you want him.

Everyone wants to feel wanted.

Some people are both too needy and too independent at the same time

Most women don’t fall into the category of being too independent, especially if they are deeply in love with someone.

But I think it’s important to point out this fault since it’s possible to be clingy and too independent at the same time. So even if you are too needy, you can still learn the right way to be independent and thus take your relationship in the right direction.

And for those of us who are too independent, this will be crucial information.

What to do instead

There is a healthy way to be dependent on someone, it’s called letting them in and being emotionally available.

People who are too independent are independent out of fear of being hurt. They protect themselves by not needing anyone else. This is not true independence.

Be vulnerable, even when it is difficult

So instead, be brave. Trust that your man will not hurt you. Show him who you really are and show him that you need him.

This practice is also about you trusting yourself. If he does hurt you, you will still be OK. That’s true independence; not letting someone in is just fear.

Share who you really are

Practicing opening up and giving him a chance to get to know you. Be vulnerable. Tell him things about yourself that you feel uncomfortable talking about and that you haven’t told anyone about before.

Let him know how important he is to you

We all have a deep craving for meaning, and much of that meaning comes from what we can offer other people.

Let him know that he makes your life a better, brighter place. Let him know that he is important to you and that you trust him.

Admit that relationships are important to you

At the end of your life, your relationships will be much more important than the achievement you made.

Don’t be preoccupied with other things, such as work. Invest in the emotional closeness of the relationship. If you keep this in the forefront of your mind, you will be on the right track to be dependent the right way.

3. Not enough sex

You probably suspected this one was coming, and you were right. Men need sex. Of course, we, as women, also need sex. But men, generally speaking, gets more emotional comfort from sex than women do. For men, sex is a way to show love and to deeply connect with their women.

Why sex is so important to men

To be allowed inside a woman is to be fully welcomed in her life and into her being. I know it’s a bit gross to put it like that. But to understand men, you have to understand that sex with their woman is a profound experience for every man.

All the men that had broken up with someone mentioned a lack of sex as one of the reasons. I can’t stress enough how important sex is for a healthy, strong relationship.

If he doesn’t want sex

If you have the opposite problem, meaning you are the one wanting sex and you feel sexually rejected by your man and are worried that the two of you are not having enough sex, you should check out our article; I have a higher sex drive than my boyfriend.

What to do instead

Sorry to break it for you, but sex is a lot like exercise. You might not always be in the mood. You might want to sink deeper into the book you are reading or the TV show you are watching. But you still have to get your gear together and show up for class.

If you don’t work out, you will lose your muscles. If you don’t have sex, you will lose sex. Eventually, you will lose your man.

Make sex a priority

The act of having sex makes you want to do it more often. But just lying on the couch watching Netflix will not get you in the mood. You have to make having sex a priority and also make it a priority to connect with yourself and your own sensual desire outside of the relationship.

Connect with your sensual side

Embrace the things that make you feel attractive and horny and bring that energy to your relationship. Exercise, dance, wear nice clothes. Spend time by yourself connecting with the sensual fire we all have inside us.

4. Too negative

Another very important aspect when you want someone to stay in love with you is not to be too negative. All the men who had broken up with someone mentioned this point in different versions. There are so many different forms of negativity. But they all have something in common; they have a way of sucking the enjoyment out of life.

Negativity comes in many different forms

You can be negative towards your boyfriend. You can be negative towards yourself. You can be negative about other people. You can be negative about the future. All of those forms of negativity are very unattractive. They lead to a downward spiral that is hard to break.

Spending time with negative people is boring

On top of this, negativity is highly contagious. So if your boyfriend is negative, you will become more negative as well and vice versa.

Many men stated that they were simply bored with the relationship and with their girlfriend. They didn’t even dwell further on the subject. But I can tell you that negativity plays a part in this mechanism. If you are negative about things, life becomes boring. To be with you becomes boring and a chore.

What to do instead

We all have struggles. We all have negative emotions. And we all have an urge to share our frustration and sadness with the people around us.

Negativity has a tendency to linger

But remember that negativity hits deeper and stays longer than positivity. We remember criticism much more than we remember positive feedback. The same goes for all the different ways we put negativity out in the world. You have to use it sparsely, or the negativity will connect itself to your personality.

Being around negative people is hard work

When we complain to someone, we drag the other person down. We invite them to share our level of irritation or to try and ease our pain by helping us. We make them participate in our misery and our dark view of the world. This is emotionally exhausting for them.

You are in control of your emotions

Take a bit of time and think about the people around you and how their way of acting affects your emotional state. In what way do the different people in your life affect you? Who has an uplifting effect, and who always makes you feel emotionally drained?

Who do you want to be?

Think carefully about who you want to be and how you want to affect the people around you, including your boyfriend.

Take responsibility for your own happiness. Work through insecurity and negative feelings on your own. Find the things that make you genuinely happy and relaxed and use those as an antidote to life’s hardships.

A strong, confident person takes responsibility for their emotional well-being.

More tips and tricks on how to make someone stay in love with you

Make sure you appreciate him. This can be done both by showing him that you appreciate him and by telling him about the different ways you appreciate him.

Appreciation is such a powerful tool. Use it. When someone appreciates us, we really like them. Show your boyfriend appreciation from a place of non-neediness.

Use your charm

Compliment him. Both on his abilities and his looks. Men rarely get compliments on their looks, so that will make you stand out.

Keep flirting. The people who stay together are the people who don’t lose that magnetic spark. Treat your boyfriend as a man you just met and who you are deeply intrigued by. Ask him questions. Listen to him. Lean in.

Support him in his ambition

To keep a man in love with you, find out what’s important to him. What does he want to achieve?

Support him in his strive, and he will love you for it. Men define themselves more through their achievements, so this will be an area that he feels reflects who he is. Your support will make him feel close to you.

Be the best version of you

On a surface level, keep exercising, keep evolving. Evolving is particularly important since you want to stay with him for a long time. You don’t want either of you to get bored.

The value of clean fighting

Another good tip is to practice clean fighting. Everyone disagrees from time to time. A good argument can be healthy for the relationship.

The difference between the arguments that destroy the relationship and the arguments that make it stronger is clean fighting. Forgive your partner about the things you have been fighting about. Don’t keep score, be generous.

Love him the way he wants to be loved

Take some time and reflect on how your partners want to be loved. We all have different love languages. Usually, we love someone the way we want to be loved. For example, your partner might need space. You might want closeness.

Try and show your partner love the way he wants to be shown love. Does she appreciate physical touch? Quality time? Acts of service?

A Final Note

Don’t rely too heavily on the relationship to keep you happy and satisfied. Everything above will be easier to accomplice if you have several different sources to draw happiness from, such as friendships, hobbies, and extended family.

With this practice of deriving love from multiple sources also comes the acceptance that one person can’t give you everything you need, and this knowledge will give him freedom. If you want someone, set them free. This holds true even for a relationship.