How to not fall in love

The 6 strategies you need when you want to avoid catching feelings

You’ve met someone and despite your initial attraction you have decided to not fall in love. You have your reasons. Maybe he is a co-worker. Maybe he is married. Or maybe he doesn’t match one of your non-negotiables. For example, he doesn’t want children and you do.

Whatever your reason, you found yourself in a situation where you are forced to ask, “How to not fall in love.”

Don’t worry, I’ve got your back. There is absolutely a way you can manage the relationship without falling in love.

1. Minimize your interactions

I’m guessing you are not going to like this one, but when you are wondering how to not fall in love, this first point is the most important one.

As a general rule people desire what’s right in front of them. We want what we can see. This will be true for you and this mysterious man, the more time you spend together, the more likely you are to fall in love.

To keep yourself from developing feelings avoid places where he is likely to be. Leave conversations he is part of. Avoid looking at him when the two of you are in the same room.

Change your schedule to make sure you avoid him

Do this even if avoiding him means changing your schedule. If you have to change your way to work or where you eat, do this. Whatever binds the two of you together, it is changeable. You can even apply for a new job.

In this mission, you have to be as active as humanly possible.

If you were to pursue him, you would actively seek him out and look for ways to connect with him. Now I ask you to do the opposite.

This strategy is by far the easiest way to not fall in love with someone. Out of sight, out of mind.

Keep your emotional distance

Distance is not only about physical distance. Even if that’s a good start. You can also practice being emotionally distant when the two of you spend time together. You do this by not sharing personal things and also by not giving him any positive reinforcement for his behavior.

Two people cannot fall in love without an increase in their emotional closeness.

If you just keep your closeness at an icy minus 5, you will be safe.

No sharing of secrets. No finding out more about him.

2. Don’t flirt with him

You might object and say that you do intend to spend time with him and get to know him better. Maybe the two of you can be friends?

You just don’t want to fall in love.

This is doable, in fact, there is only one thing you have to do and that is to avoid flirting with him.

Without flirting there is no sexual tension built, there is no chemistry.

We make chemistry happen

Sometimes we claim that chemistry is something that happens, basically out of our control.

Let me assure you, this is not true. We create fireworks through our actions. We also all know how to not do this. I’m sure you have plenty of friends whom you are close with, without flirting.

Check out my article Relationship vs Friendship, for all the crucial differences between the two.

You want a friendship

Now you might wonder how to not flirt. Check out a couple of my other articles How to flirt with a man and How to make someone fall in love with you.

Do the opposite

The crash course is as follows; Do talk about other men you are interested in, avoid eye contact, and seem disinterested when he tries to tell you something important.

Overall, be indifferent to who he is at the depth of his soul. He will get the message. We fall in love with people who see us, because we all have a strong desire to be seen.

If you avoid seeing him, you de facto avoid flirting with him and the budding romance will come to a stop.

Just treat him as one of your real friends. Be very committed to your promise to not flirt with him. I know how easily you will slip 😉

3. Focus on his negative sides

All people have positive sides and negative sides. When you are falling for someone you are usually overfocused on their positive sides.

You daydream about what they have to offer you in terms of fun, safety, and admiration. In your fantasy you let him embody everything you would want in a man. The thing is that daydreaming is easy, but it is also not the truth.

You know that and that’s why you have decided to not fall in love with him. He is not the man for you.

Have a boundary in your own mind

Now you have to take your determination one step further. One way to do this is to have a thought boundary, you are not allowed to think about him in a romantic way.

Every time he pops up in your head, you gently repeat why he is not the right man for you.

You don’t allow your thoughts to stray away. No daydreaming about exotic vacations and romantic dinners, just harsh reality. This is one of the most effective ways to not fall in love.

Write down his negative qualities

This is another solid strategy to stop yourself from falling in love. Do an actual physical list where you write the top ten reasons why he is not the man for you. Also, write down the sides of his character you don’t like.

Keep the list close to you, and re-read the reasons often.

Be firm with yourself

Keep repeating why he is a bad match for you. Basically, for some mysterious reason, your body keeps repeating that he is a good match.

You have to overrule your body with your intellectual capacity. You have to tell yourself all the reasons why he is not for you.

Keep repeating those reasons every day. To keep repeating something is a form of brainwashing and that’s what you need to do.

Think about how he really makes you feel

If you have decided he is indeed not a good match for you, I’m sure you have very good reasons. Those reasons are not only about qualities and possible shortcomings from his side, they are also about your true feelings.

It’s important that you acknowledge how he makes you feel. The best way is to journal about this.

Instead of getting lost in your daydreams, put pen to paper and admit to yourself that he makes you feel alone.

4. Be clear about what you want and need

There is a reason why you have developed the beginning of romantic feelings for this person.

Those reasons, surprisingly enough, have nothing to do with him.

A couple of years from now you will look at him and see him for the ordinary human being he is.

Right now, the way you see him tells you about the relationship you have with yourself. Whatever you want from him is exactly the things you are not giving to yourself.

He is the human living representation of everything you long for.

Ask yourself difficult questions

Ask yourself what you secretly hope he would bring to your life? Love? Stability? Comfort?

Then ask yourself how good you are at giving those things to yourself. Go on, give yourself a rating.

Also, ask yourself how you can start giving those things to yourself. Follow through. That’s the secret way to build self-esteem.

The better you become at taking care of yourself, the less likely you are to fall for the wrong person.

Be grateful for the fact that this specific person came into your life, he will show you all parts of yourself that need healing.

7. Date other guys

Another very important aspect of how to not fall in love, is to have options. So much of people being unhappily in love comes down to the fact that they don’t have good options.

It’s kind of like being stuck in a bad workplace or in a bad apartment. If you had options you wouldn’t stay. You would move on.

Basically, if I offered you a cute friendly guy who was totally into you (and totally normal) you would take him. You would be delighted.

Since I’m not living next to you, you have to find that guy and offer him to yourself.

We are programmed to fall in love

Your body is so strongly programmed to fall in love that by not supplying your body with options, your body just grasps at whoever is close.

It’s kind of like eating. You need to eat. But if you have healthy strategies in place you will take this as an opportunity to nourish your body.

Build a strategy

You need a solid strategy to get options. You need consistent ways to meet other humans. This can be through dating apps or by doing fun things. The important part is that you get out in the world and enjoy yourself. This is one of many remedies for loneliness.

You are probably not going to be sprinting with joy when you force yourself to date other people, but in the long run, the strategy will take hold.

8. Focus on your interests and passions

Since you are afraid to fall in love with someone who doesn’t meet your criteriums, this tells me that you don’t have enough passion in your life.

Sure, romantic passion is special. But it is not as all-encompassing as romantic fairytales make it seem. The biggest romance will always be the one you have with your true spirit. The more passion you can bring into your life in other ways, the less likely you are to feel passionate toward him.

Find your own unique meaning

Many people struggle to know what they want to do with their life. Because of this, they are easily lured by a dead-end romance.

They don’t have a clear enough vision for themselves.

As a relationship writer, I hear this all the time. People don’t know what their life mission is and as a result, they end up focusing their time on the wrong things. For example being attracted to someone they logically know is not the right person for them.

You don’t need to figure out everything in one day. The thing you do need to do is spend time with yourself, listen to yourself, free from distractions.

Self-discovery

It might take months or even years for you to get to know yourself. Do journal, since this is a gateway to your subconscious. Read spiritual books that speak to you.

When you do attain a strong sense of self, you will automatically be attracted to the right kind of man. The wrong kind of man will leave you indifferent. Such is the power of the relationship you have with yourself.

A Final Note

To ask how to not fall in love is actually a good and interesting question. It’s a question that will ultimately show you to a better version of yourself. You need to develop so as to not fall in love. You need to become strong and capable.

It is a question that brings the power of change.

Start small, and bring passion and meaning to your life. I think you already know what you need to do. Now is the time to take that leap of faith.