Second date advice for women

We give you all the best tips and strategies to nail the second date

Second dates are tricky. Since you are on a second date, there is a mutual interest; hello pressure. At the same time, the two of you hardly know each other. Second dates are famous for bringing up obstacles since both of you are more comfortable with each other. In this article, we give you all the crucial second-date advice for women.

Be aware of dating nerves

Dating nerves come into play now when there is something at stake. So he might say something completely dumb, or you might behave too pushy or too dismissive.

Don’t put him on a pedestal

If you are a person who really wants to meet someone, there is a big risk that you put Mr. New Guy on a pedestal, and this practice often starts on the second date.

After months or even years of terrible first dates, you might be so happy about this guy and his charm that you already have decided that he is the one.

If the first date went well, you naturally have high expectations for your second date. But take my word for it, as someone who hands out second date advice for women, hold your horses.

Make him work for it

For the second date to be equally successful, you have to take a couple of steps back.

You don’t know this guy, and he might not be interested in the same things that you are interested in. He might be all fluff and no dept. Make him work for it, rather than the other way around.

Be hard to get

Yes, I’m telling you to play hard to get. But let me explain this concept once and for all. Because this practice gets a bad reputation. You shouldn’t play hard to get; you should be hard to get.

The difference is significant.

Why it’s important to be hard to get

The reason for this is that people want to be liked and loved for who they are and what makes them unique. People don’t want to be loved by someone who is desperate to love anyone. On a second date, you can’t possibly know everything that makes this guy special.

Be present and warm

Be sweet, be impressed. To be open is important second-date advice for women. But don’t act like an eager buyer. Instead of planning for the future with this guy, focus on being present at the date and see and experience him for who he is right there. Focus on enjoying yourself, not trying to get to the next level.

You know how annoying it is when you are kissing a guy and he is constantly trying to get to the next step instead of just enjoying what you are doing. Don’t be that guy, metaphorically speaking.

Don’t have too high expectations

Another common problem with the second date is that your expectations are high if the first date was great. In fact, they are too high. Now when the two of you meet for a second date, the guy in front of you just doesn’t live up to the amazing guy you have created in your mind.

You remember that your date was better looking and less awkward. The guy you are on a date with just doesn’t feel as interesting and funny anymore.

Love is scary

When you are on a second date, there is more at stake, and your brain will try to protect you by being dismissive of the guy. Liking someone comes with a lot of pressure, not to mention the possibility of being hurt.

Practice mindfulness

Once again, the solution is to be present and not to think about the future. Just try and enjoy this sweet guy for who he is, even his awkwardness and bad jokes.

Sometimes when you are on a second date, your brain starts to spin, and you are rushing to the future, thinking about when you have to introduce him to your friends and family, and you wonder if he will be good enough?

Don’t expect fireworks right out of the gate

Also, don’t worry if you don’t feel crazy attracted to him. It could be your brain playing a trick to keep you alone and protect you by dismissing all possible candidates.

When two people have a second date, they have usually covered a lot of ground on the first date regarding questions about hobbies, work, and preferences.

The best solution to the second date blues is to do an activity that you enjoy or an activity that is completely new to you.

Do something different on the second date

If you went for a walk and coffee on your first date, do something completely new. Second dates are a great opportunity to do something active. Go kayak paddling, go to a museum, go to a concert. That’s by far my best second-date advice for women.

Be active together

This way, the date is not only about talking, the date is about experiencing the other person when they do something active. There should still be plenty of room for interesting conversation. Just don’t keep the second date too focused on that sort of connection.

Have a deeper conversation

You should prepare a couple of deeper questions so that you get to know him on a more intimate level. Ask him those questions when there is a bit of a lull in the activity you are doing. Here is our indispensable guide to first-date conversation tips.

Don’t be dismissive

There is another scenario for the second date we have to address. The first date might have been just OK, and you agreed to a second date because you know that you can’t judge a guy’s potential from one date. Basically, you are on the fence about the guy in question.

If this is the case, I advise you not to be too hard on the guy. Keep an open mind. Don’t allow yourself to have any negative thoughts, not about him, and not about your lack of attraction for him. In fact, don’t analyze the date or your feelings, as the date progresses.

Don’t think about the future

You guessed it; stay present, don’t allow your thoughts to wander, and focus on exactly what’s going on.

Give him your full attention. Don’t judge him or yourself, and don’t think about why it’s so hard to meet someone. (If that question plagues you, read our answer here; Why is it so hard to find someone?)

Be vulnerable

The two of you are on a second date to get to know each other, so do tell him things about yourself.

If you have a hard time creating a connection, the reason behind this can be that you are too guarded. When you share things about yourself, you actually end up having stronger feelings for the person in question. If you want feelings to develop, be honest and personal.

Flirt with him

If you do like him, the second date should amp up the tension. The first date is often a casual chat where both of you try to figure out the other person. The second date should help establish a connection between the two of you.

You do this by leaning in closer to him, looking into his eyes a bit longer than necessary, and challenging him a bit when you do disagree with something he is saying. 

Create sexual tension

Check out our article How to create sexual tension with a man, to have a couple of aces up your sleeve. 

If you don’t have feelings for the guy, a bit of flirting will actually help you develop those feelings and know once and for all if the chemistry is possible. Even if it feels a bit weird, give light flirting a try. Sexual tension is something that can be created by being playful and having fun together.

Let him know that you like him

The second date can lead to the first kiss. If you want to try this out; great.

Do kiss him, or let him kiss you.

If you still have doubts or want to take things slow, make sure he knows that you like him and are attracted to him.

Tell him you like his company

You want him to feel the spark for you, and the best thing to achieve this is to touch him and tell him that you liked hanging out with him.

Also, make sure you give him a compliment on something that he is, for example, the way he handles himself or something you have noticed about him that you like. Something that makes him stand out from the rest of humankind. That’s the final second date advice for women.

A Final Note

The second date is a nerve-wracking experience.

The second date is also a lot of fun.

You get to spend time with a cute nice guy doing something exciting.

My best advice is to allow for spending more time together during the second date. Set aside at least a couple of hours for the date. Also, plan for a couple of different venues if things feel good. Doing different things together will make your connection stronger. Relax and enjoy; you got this.