17 signs your boyfriend is not sexually attracted to you

Let’s figure out what’s going on

Are you suspecting that your boyfriend is not sexually attracted to you and you are constantly looking for signs to figure out his feelings? Ouch, that hurts.

Men are generally viewed to have a higher sex drive than women, and always being up for it.

If you have been in a long-term relationship you know that this cliché is far from the truth. Men also need to feel good about themselves to feel horny.

He might be the one with a problem

If he is not sexually attracted to you, it might have nothing to do with you, he can have personal struggles that you don’t know about.

But let’s leave that issue to the side and take a look at the 17 top signs that he is not feeling sexual attraction towards you.

After we have looked at the signs, I will tell you about all the best solutions.

1. He is not instigating sex

The first sign is that he is not trying to have sex with you.

He never takes the initiative. This sign is especially troublesome if he used to want to make love all the time.

Ask him what’s going on. Tell him that you miss him taking the initiative to have sex.

2. He withdraws from physical affection

The next sign is that he pulls away from hugs and kisses. It seems like he doesn’t want to be physically close to you.

When we are attracted to someone, we usually cannot get enough of touching them, smelling them and just holding them.

But if your boyfriend is not sexually attracted to you, he will shy away from other forms of intimacy as well.

3. He often turns you down

Another of the most common signs that your boyfriend is not sexually attracted to you is that he turns down your invitations to sex.

He might withdraw when you try to touch him, or he doesn’t kiss you back like he used to. Sometimes when you suggest sex, he tells you no.

He might have valid excuses, but the result is the same, the two of you rarely get it going.

4. He doesn’t want to talk about sex

When you bring up the subject of your sex life, he seems uncomfortable; he doesn’t want to try and solve the problem.

You might have asked him about what’s wrong, but he hasn’t given you a good reason. He deflects the subject of sex and attraction.

He might be afraid to admit that he is not as attracted to you as he used to be.

5. When you do have sex, it feels uninspired

Maybe you are still sleeping with each other? But lately, you have been feeling like something is off. He doesn’t make love to you with the same passion and intensity anymore.

Sometimes you get the feeling that he is somewhere else completely.

If the sex used to feel amazing, but nowadays feels lackluster, that’s one of the signs that your boyfriend is not sexually attracted to you anymore.

6. He has stopped looking at you with a glimmer in his eyes

Your sex life might still be fine, but you have started to suspect that something is wrong.

The way he looks at you is different; his eyes quickly glide over you. He doesn’t seem to take any pleasure in looking at you.

This is indeed a bad sign, when we are attracted to something, we love looking at it. Our eyes can’t get enough.

Our eyes also get a special kind of glow when we look at our love.

7. He prefers other activities

If your boyfriend spends less and less time doing things together with you, that is indeed one of the signs that he is not sexually attracted to you.

He has stopped pursuing you.

Men pursue the things they find desirable, it’s in their nature. 

When they are interested in someone, they like to spend their time trying to win her.

8. He tries to avoid going to bed with you

Another sign to be on the lookout for is that he often tries to good to bed before you, or when you are already asleep.

He makes an effort to try and avoid that intimacy of two people being awake in bed together.

9. His body language is often closed off

He might not show many signs of not being sexually attracted to you, but our true feelings are reflected in our body language. When we are interested in something (or someone) we open up our whole body to the object of our desire.

We touch them, we lean in, and we mirror their movements.

If he doesn’t display positive body language around you, the most likely explanation is that his feelings are not there.  Our bodies usually tell the truth.

10. He acts shy around you

Was he brave and vulnerable before? But now he started to turn away from you, to lock doors and generally avoid being too close to you?

You feel as if he is shrinking back into his shelf. You wonder what’s going on and if this is one of the signs that your boyfriend is not sexually attracted to you.

Or is he feeling insecure?

This sign could also mean that he feels insecure about his body or about your love for him.

Give him space but also make sure you show him how much he means to you.

11. He doesn’t keep eye contact

Eye contact is one of the strongest signs of attraction. When we are attracted to someone, we are very comfortable keeping prolonged eye contact with them.

We might not even be aware of how long our gaze lingers on our loved ones. So if your boyfriend has stopped being mesmerized by your eyes, that’s a sign his feelings might have changed.

12. He has stopped flirting with you

To stop flirting is the kiss of death for many relationships, and it’s also one of the main signs that your boyfriend is not sexually attracted to you.

A man who is attracted to a woman will always pursue her, that holds true even if they have been married for 10 years.

Men hunt, they never give up and they never stop. They pursue their woman by flirting with her.

13. He has stopped taking care of you

Another clear sign of attraction is that the man in question is on the lookout for different ways to improve your life.

He is always taking care of you in different ways.

When a man stops doing this for his woman, it might mean that he is no longer attracted to her.

Attraction and care go hand in hand.

14. He keeps his emotional distance

Being vulnerable and open is actually one of the main signs that a man is attracted to you. He wants you to get to know him and for you to see the true him. As a result, he is not afraid to share personal information. He tells you everything about himself, even the dark and scary things.

When a man falls in love, he usually is much more open emotionally.

This means that the opposite is true, if he never tells you anything personal, that’s a strong indicator that he is not sexually attracted to you.

15. He doesn’t notice when you make an effort

A man who is crazy about you will notice when you wear a new dress, or nice jewelry or have done something with your hair. He will be aware of every inch of you and he will not be afraid to compliment you.

He will be on the lookout for ways he can tell you in what way you are special and attractive. When you make an effort with your looks, he will seize the opportunity to show you his attraction.

16. He has started to look sloppy

A man who has stopped investing in his relationship usually lets himself go. He stops working out. Sometimes he even stops taking care of his personal hygiene.

He dresses in old t-shirts and his favorite sweatpants.

You can just tell that he has made zero effort, and just as you suspected, this means that he officially has stopped pursuing you.

The reason is that he is no longer sexually attracted to you. Sad but true.

17. He puts you down

This is another bad sign, if he is complaining about your appearance I would check my article 13 Signs of a toxic relationship.

Being negative and critical toward your partner is not normal.

When we love someone, we want to lift them up.

If he has turned all devilish on you, not only doesn’t he fancy you, but he is also not a nice person.

Pay attention to the way he talks with you and what he says.

Does he make you feel shitty about yourself?

If yes, it might be time for you to move on. Check out my article Ending Toxic Relationships.

Making you feel unattractive can be a strategy to avoid having sex with you, sure, but it is not a healthy strategy.

How to act if your boyfriend is not sexually attracted to you

His behavior might have nothing to do with you

I don’t want you to take all of these signs and put yourself down. Whether someone is attracted to us or not usually has very little to do with us.

Our attraction is a combination of past experiences, what we lack in relationship to ourselves and simple biology.

We are not in complete control over our attraction levels.

When you feel down, remember that he was attracted to you at one point. If you want you can use some tricks to increase his attraction levels, read my article How to turn a guy on over text.

He might be depressed

The most common reason why a man stops being sexually attracted to his woman is that he is struggling with other areas of his life. He might feel unattracted himself.

If he, for example, has gained weight. Or he might be depressed. He might be stressed and worried about work.

If you have other challenging areas in your life, I wouldn’t worry too much about the sex. Men are also sensitive creatures that want to be in harmony to be horny.

Is it you?

Let’s take a look at the worst-case scenario; he is not in love with you anymore. His love has evaporated and as a result, he doesn’t want to have sex with you anymore.

I know, this sucks to hear.

Have a serious conversation

When you suspect that your boyfriend is not sexually attracted to you anymore, you have to bring up the subject.

Don’t blame him, instead strive to try and understand his point of view. How does he feel? Which are the reasons according to him?

Give him time

In a healthy relationship, our sex drive fluctuates. One year we might feel on top of the world and have lots of sex with our partner, the next year we might go through a dry period.

The inspiration to have lots of sex usually comes when we are relaxed and happy, so if your boyfriend is feeling stressed or down, he might not be as horny. That’s totally normal.

Mismatched sex drives

Many couples discover that they have a mismatched sex drive. One person might want sex every day, while another is happy to have it once a week, or even once a month.

We are not responsible for the amount of sex we would prefer in an ideal world.

If he is not as horny as you, don’t make it mean anything about you.

Check out my article I have a higher sex drive than my boyfriend, for all the best solutions.

A Finale Note

I have told you 17 signs that your boyfriend is not sexually attracted to you, but the truth is that none of these signs might mean that.

In fact, he can show all of the above signs and still be attracted to you. Humans are complicated, our emotions are complex and nowhere is this clearer than when it comes to our sex drive and attraction levels.

If your man is acting strange, there can be something else going on.

It can be anything.

Don’t jump to the conclusion that it has to do with his attraction for you. The only way to find out the truth is to communicate with him.