Use these ideas to give him the best sex of his life
We asked more than 300 men about what they wanted in the bedroom and beyond. Some of the things we found out came as a surprise. I thought I would do the world a service and share those discoveries. Here is our list of things guys like in bed but won’t ask for.
The most common suggestion we got was that you take the initiative more often. When you instigate sex, you show him that he is desirable and that you want him. The second most common wish was finding out more about what you like and what turns you on. Many men also wanted to try power play, either being dominated by their woman or dominating her. Getting an enthusiastic blow job was also high up on most guy’s lists. And finally, a lot of guys wanted to watch you satisfy yourself.
Read on to find even more things guys like in bed but won’t ask for.
Feel comfortable and be enthusiastic
I want to start this list by saying that you should only do things you feel comfortable doing. Because what you do in bed, you should do with enthusiasm. Sex is only sexy if your heart and mind are there, fully embraced in the situation.
All the guys we talked with as research for Her Brilliant Friend told us how important enthusiasm was when it came to sex. The best love-making sessions of their lives were the ones where there was a lot of passion, desire, and enthusiasm.
The fact that you are willing to experiment, to push yourself outside the comfort zone, and enjoy the experiment, will turn him on like nothing else.
Don’t be critical
A note of caution, when you try something new, it’s important not to be critical. He might not like it. You might not like it. We are humans, and we try all sorts of things that turn out not to be our thing. Be cool with that.
Whatever happens in the bedroom, whatever he says, don’t put him down. This is especially true if he loses his erection. He can’t control that thing. Being critical is like pouring acid on his dick. Simple as that. Don’t do it.
Find out about his unique desire
If you feel uncertain about what he would enjoy or not enjoy, just have a simple conversation. Ask him what he would want you to do. Make some suggestions. Men usually like to talk about sex. Other times it’s better just to try (start with something small) and check his reaction. You should be able to tell if he is into it. When in doubt, just ask.
Men love sex, and a vast majority of all men want to experience one or several things from the list below. Start experimenting and find out exactly what his kryptonite is. Kill him with arousal and excitement. This list is full of things guys like in bed but won’t ask for.
1. You taking the initiative
When he comes home from work or over to your place, be ready, be eager. Grab him and lead him to the bedroom or to the kitchen table. Men would love for you to take the initiative. The thought of how badly you want them really turns them on.
Men are the ones who most often (in many cases always) take the initiative to have sex. But this also means that they are the ones who face the risk of being rejected.
Being wanted is sexy as hell
When you take the initiative, they get the sex, but not the fear of being rejected, a double win. Show him how much he turns you on by taking the initiative. Be the one who seduces him.
We wrote a whole article about How to be more active in bed as a woman.
2. You telling him what you like
Men do their best at reading your non-verbal cues. They want to satisfy you, more than once would be great. You can help them get there. In your best sexy voice, just tell them what you would like them to do.
If you would like him to eat your pussy, tell him. If you want him to grab your hands and look you in the eyes, tell him. When you have told him, and he obliges, tell him how good it feels and how much you enjoy it.
Know what you want
A woman who knows what she enjoys is sexy. Take some time and vocalize for yourself what you do like in terms of sex.
Women are sometimes too lazy. We want men to discover what really turns us on and then to serve it to us on a silver plate. Instead, take responsibility for your pleasure. Do a bit of the job; think about what turns you on. And next time you have sex, tell him.
Finding out more about you is one of the things guys like in bed but won’t ask for.
3. Being dominated
It’s not being dominated if he has to ask for it. Sure, most men are more into being the one dominating, but everyone enjoys a change of scenario. Dominating is surprisingly easy. Try tying him to the bed. Put one of your scarfs as a blindfold and attack him feverishly.
Dominate him with your words
Combine this with telling him he is not allowed to come, and if he breaks your rule, you will have to punish him. Drive him close to the edge and have him beg you to be allowed to come.
If he does come against your will, make sure you have a suitable punishment ready to be executed.
4. Let him dominate you
Most men have a slightly dominating side. So most men will greatly enjoy a bit of power play. For a feminist or anyone advocating equality between the sexes, this will feel slightly weird, like taping into an outdated version of gender roles and what sex should be.
But if you feel comfortable with the thought of dominating your man, you should regard the opposite side of the coin with the same openness. Sex is a play.
Be open minded
A lot of men are equally uncomfortable with dominating their girlfriend, and that is probably one of the reasons we don’t engage in this form of play more often. Make sure you give him plenty of reassurance that you like what’s going on.
Participate and show him that you are open-minded. Being dominated by your man doesn’t have to be full-out bondage. No ropes or ball gags are required. Unless you want some?
Just have a bit of fun with who decides what to do next. Surrender to your man and his ideas. He wants to show you a good time. Your submission and enjoyment are one of the things guys like in bed but won’t ask for.
5. Getting an enthusiastic blow job
I had to include this on the list. It’s an obvious point, but one that is worth hammering in. We all know that a majority of men love a blow job. Let’s dig a bit deeper. Let’s understand our man a bit better. Why do a majority of men love getting a blow job so much?
Men are expected to do a lot, in their family, in society, in bed. The exception to this rule is when they get a blow job. Blow jobs satisfy a lot of different needs whit in the man.
There is a naughty aspect of getting a blow job. There is a nurturing aspect. It’s watching a porn movie and being part of it. The more enthusiasm, the better.
More blow jobs are definitely something most guys like in bed but won’t ask for.
Be deliberately slow
The little fellow is your man, only ten times smaller. When you kiss his penis, you kiss his whole being. That’s how strongly men identify with their penis.
Don’t go straight to putting the penis in your mouth (even if that move also has its place). Instead, take things slow, work your mouth and tongue around the area. Be wet and deliberately slow.
Give some attention to the balls. Check his reactions, because they can be sensitive. If you feel insecure, since all men like their blowjob a bit different, just ask him.
6. You satisfying yourself
Men are generally more visual than women. Seeing you play with yourself plays into his visual side. Use a sex toy or your finger or something fun (and clean) you already have at home.
Buy a sex toy
If you don’t already have a sex toy, buying one for the sole purpose of giving your man a show is a good idea. Watching your man watching you satisfying yourself is so sexy. The two of you can look into each other eyes. Since your man doesn’t have to do anything, he has more time to just observe you and your pleasure.
He will learn more about you
There is something deeply intimate with watching someone else masturbate. It’s naughty. It’s personal. Your man will also appreciate the chance to learn more about what you like and which moves you would use on yourself.
7. You Stimulating his anus
Yeah, if you didn’t already know it, I’m here to tell you that a lot of men enjoy having their anus stimulated in different ways. You can give him a rim job (that’s when you use your mouth and tongue.)
Or you can insert your finger there while doing other stuff. Or just start with a bit of gently touching and watch his reaction.
Give it a try
You might not love the idea. Your man might not love the idea. But you should give it a try. The men who like having their anus stimulated really like it. A lot of men claim that’s the best thing ever. They also say that’s the way they get the strongest orgasm. And this area is something not many women do, for obvious reason.
Since this is a delicate area, in both senses of the word, always ask beforehand. You don’t want to go there without being sure your man is open to trying it out.
8. Role play and Dressing up
Being in a monogamous relationship doesn’t have to mean having sex with the same person over and over again. With just the help of your fantasy and possibly a few different uniforms, your man can have sex with a wide variety of different women.
Start slow to become more comfortable
Since role-play can feel a bit silly, start with something small and slightly different to become more used to the idea of this kind of sex. Don’t be too upset if you can’t stay in your role, laughter is good for your sex life.
Explore your fantasies
Role-playing is not only about dressing up for the man in your life. Also, think about your different sex fantasies and what would turn you on in terms of dressing up and role-playing. Do you want to have sex with a priest, with a gardener, or why not try the ever-popular police officer?
Sex is about having fun, playing dress-up, and exploring your fantasies is fun. Most guys like to have more variation in bed but won’t ask for it.
9. Getting sexy messages
Sex doesn’t start when the two of you start having sex. Men also like to be courted and seduced. They like to be teased. The anticipation of sex is a good way to take your sex life to the next level. To turn someone on, start with inserting yourself in their brain.
A smart way to do this is to send sexy messages. Start by telling him why you find him so sexy. Continue the game by telling him different things you would like to do with him if only the two of you were in the same room.
Make him think about you
Start slow with things you are willing to share. You should feel comfortable and confident. Embrace your sexuality.
Sexy messages can also involve pictures. Just be careful. Only do this when you trust the guy. Pictures can get into the wrong hands. But don’t let that stop you from trying a few sexy messages.
There are safe ways to do sexy messages, and a little pre-view goes a long way. Just send some different descriptions and ideas to jump-start his imagination.
10. Being kinky
Kinky can mean all sorts of things. Power play, whips, handcuffs, food, masks. Only your crazy imagination sets the borders. Try to think about different things and come up with unexpected things you find sexy.
Some people are in contact with their kinky side. For the rest of us, it takes a bit of work. Kinks don’t just arrive at your doorsteps. They can also be developed.
Play along with his secret fantasies
What kinky does mean is you being open and embracing your sexuality and trying a lot of different things to see if something unexpected turns you on.
Ask your man for unusual things he might like and find sexy. If your man has a special kink or fetish, your willingness to play along and satisfy him will melt his heart. He will know you are a keeper.
11. Find out more about your fantasies
Most men do want to find out more about your sexual fantasies. But this is also an area that can be a bit sensitive, for both of you.
When you do talk about your fantasies, dish them out carefully, for obvious reason. Finding out that you fantasize about being rammed by several guys, or just the hot guy at the gym, might not be the kind of fantasy he wants to know about.
On the other hand, it might be. Unless you start talking about it, you have no idea how your fantasies line up.
Tread carefully
It’s important to remember that fantasies are just fantasies. We all deserve to have a private room in our own imagination. We all have thoughts that are just for us and shouldn’t necessarily be shared.
Start with fantasies that include him, and in some cases, don’t venture too far out from that area. But do tell him about those fantasies that include him. He will be delighted to find out more about you and your fantasies.
12. Anal sex
Well, ok, most men will ask for anal sex. That’s one of the most common requests, right? Anal sex still has a bit of a stigma, and this forbidden fruit phenomenon is one of the reasons why so many men want to try it. The men in our survey also said that they liked anal sex because it gives them a different sensation.
Men like to explore
Another reason they mentioned when talking about their desire to try anal sex was the fact that men crave novelty. Men are wired to go and explore. And your anus and the feeling of it is something many of them are eager to investigate.
If you are up for it or not is up to you. Anal sex doesn’t have to be painful. The trick is to be relaxed and to use plenty of lubricants. Stimulating the area around the anus is a great way to start exploring. Do try with his finger or a small toy before you go for the whole penis.
13. Getting sexy in unexpected places
Sex is great in the bedroom, but sex in unexpected places is a major turn-on for most people. It might not always be comfortable, but the taboo will give the encounter an extra thrill. Having sex somewhere unexpected feels spontaneous even when it is planned. And on top of that, there is the feeling of being so horny that you don’t even have time to wait for the bed.
Sex in unexpected places is memorable because we are wired to remember unusual things. Things we remember are also the things that shape our sexuality, so taking the sex outside of the bedroom while making sure that you become a bigger part of his sexual fantasies.
Be seductive in unexpected places
If you don’t like the idea of going too public, there are ways to make sure that the risk of being caught is non-existing. You can organize a picnic in a secluded area or go for a hike where the destination is a surprise love-making session.
To have sex in the car, or on the car, is another great idea where you can ensure enough privacy.
Suggest sex but don’t go all the way
Sex in unexpected places doesn’t have to mean full-on intercourse. It can also be the presence of sex in places normally not associated with sex. Stop by his work and have a make-out session and then send him a message and tell him what more you would have liked to do.
Another great tip is to talk about sex when you have dinner in a restaurant or during another normal daily activity. Just make sure you lean in to keep the conversation private. You teasing him is something most guys like in bed but won’t ask for.
Some additional Ideas on how to blow his mind
Now you know many things most guys like in bed but won’t ask for. Want another hot tip? One that is sure to blow his mind and make him one unforgettable memory?
Try combining two or three things from the list. Let’s say that you send him a message that the naughty nun he has been wanting to see is ready for him at that place where you had a picnic last weekend.
By doing this, you combine tips 8, 9, and 12. And it’s not even especially difficult. Chose three of your favorites from the list and combine them to give him a sexy surprise of a lifetime.
Also, check out our article sex tips for women for more ideas.
Ask your man about what he likes
The more you learn about your man and what turns him on, the better you will become at combining different things from this list and tailoring them to his taste. He will have sexual experiences like nothing he has ever done before.
Because we can ask 300 men about what things guys like in bed but won’t ask for, but your man will give his own individual answer to that question. You are in an excellent position to tailor his experience having sex with you to match his unique answer.
Enjoy the ride.
Great sex is about you
Satisfy him, but don’t forget about yourself. Because the things on this list are not only for him, for what most men want in bed, more than anything else, is that you enjoy yourself. What they secretly dream of is that the sex you have with them should be the best and most exciting sex of your whole life.
And finally, remember what I said in the beginning?
Enthusiasm trumps everything else. All men love when you show a lot of enthusiasm. Everything you try from this list, the different ideas, none of them mean anything if not combined with a dose of enthusiasm and joy. When it comes to sex, passion is everything.
Moa Ailert is the founder and editor-in-chief of Her Brilliant Friend.
She has a bachelor’s degree in philosophy and plenty of insight into human psychology from traveling and living in different places around the world.
Moa is currently based in Portugal where she has a guesthouse; Villa dos Irmaos.
She has various websites, among others Ericeira Insider, but Her brilliant friend is her true passion project.
