12 Eye-Opening Signs He Pretends To Love You

Plus lots of solutions on how to deal with the situation

Are you doubting if your beau loves you? He has done and said things that make you question his feelings. Now you are left looking for signs that he merely pretends to love you. In this article, I will walk you through the 9 major signs that someone only pretends to love you.

Painful as it might be, it is important that you find answers.

1. His words and actions don’t line up

The biggest sign that your boyfriend pretends to love you is that he says one thing but does another. He might tell you that he loves you, but in daily life, he doesn’t make you a priority. He doesn’t act as if he loves you.

The truth is that our actions are a reflection of our true feelings. Talking is easy, but following through takes real love and dedication. When in doubt, trust someone’s actions, not their words.

He makes empty promises

Maybe he tells you that he is going to spend more time with you or become a better listener or take you on that holiday you wish for. But if the reality is that he is absent, you have to trust the reality.

Ask yourself if you would want to continue the relationship if nothing has changed a year from now?

Sometimes we stay in a relationship in the hopes of what that relationship could be. When you ask for signs that he pretends to love you, take stock of what is happening on a practical level. You will have your answer.

2. He doesn’t make plans for the future

So you are dating this great guy and everything is nice when the two of you spend time together. He absolutely seems to enjoy your company. But he never talks about the future and when he does, you don’t seem to be included. This is one of the major signs that he only pretends to love you.

This is also a sign of an emotionally unavailable man, read this article “10 signs of an emotionally unavailable man,” to better understand this phenomenon. He might love you, but just be afraid.

He doesn’t plan the next date

There are many different ways he can fail to include you in his future. Maybe you are always the one reaching out and making plans for both of you?

If this is the case, he is not as invested in the relationship as you might want him to be.

The way to find out where his heart is at is to stop making plans and see if he is picking up the initiative.

He doesn’t take the relationship to the next level

There are many ways healthy relationships progress; you get introduced to his friends and eventually to his parents. You might get a key to his apartment.

If he is never taking any of these crucial steps towards progressing your relationship, this is unfortunately a bit of a bad sign. If you want to find out where he stands, just ask him. Guys are usually surprisingly honest.

3. He keeps the relationship a secret

There are many ways he can diminish the importance of your relationship. Maybe he is not clearly showing that you are his girlfriend when you are out together. Maybe he fails to introduce you to friends and family.

By now I should probably make the caveat that many men like to take things slow. Nothing wrong with this. You should give him the time and space you are comfortable with. To rush into a relationship and declare your love everywhere is often a signpost of toxic relationship.

Are the relationship progressing?

There should be a healthy balance. But if you in your gut are worried that he is keeping your relationship a secret, that is a worrying sign.

You should feel that the relationship is progressing. If you want to try and work on the relationship, check out my article “How to Connect with an Emotionally Unavailable Man,” you will learn a lot.

4. He doesn’t include you in his social media posts

Once again, many guys are slow to do this. But if he actively avoids being associated with you on all different social media platforms, that is indeed one of the signs he only pretends to love you.

It also depends on how long your relationship has been going on. After a couple of months, he should be ready to make things official, especially if he has told you that he loves you.

5. You don’t trust him

If you feel doubt and insecurity in the pit of your stomach, you should trust those feelings. Our natural instinct often tells us when something is wrong.

Are you always worried when you don’t hear from him or when he is going out with his boys? Do you keep checking your phone, waiting for reassurance from him?

6. He always wants things from you, but seldom gives back

You might also have asked yourself why he would pretend to love you? What does he get out of it?

There are probably many instances when you come in handy. He might simply want that nice reassuring feeling that someone loves him and someone is there for him. He needs you, on some level, otherwise, he wouldn’t stick around.

Do you want him to love you? If that is the case read my article How to make someone fall in love with you. People change and relationship changes as well. He obviously sees a lot in you.

7. He has low confidence

This sign should be fairly easy to spot. Does he often compare himself with other people? Is he overly attached to appearing to be successful? A person with low self-esteem cares a lot about surface-level things.

He might also need a lot of compliments and support from you. A person with low self-esteem is also quick to blame all of his shortcomings on something else. If he fails with something, is it always someone else’s fault?

Ironically, people with low self-esteem are usually very likable, especially in the beginning. The reason for this is that they work hard towards being liked. So don’t beat yourself up for liking him. He made you do it 😉

8. He lies about small things

You might not have caught him in a big lie. But you have observed that he lies about small things. He tells his mum he can’t come and visit her because he is sick. In fact, he has a hangover. He tells his boss he will be late because he has a flat tire, in fact, he just wanted to sleep in.

People who tell small lies are more likely to tell big lies and construct their whole life as one big lie.

They just don’t have enough integrity. If he lies about the small stuff, there is a big risk that he also lies about loving you.

9. He keeps secrets

The guy who would pretend to love you is the same guy who has other secrets in his life.

He might let people believe that he finished college when he dropped out. You might not know exactly what he works with. You might not know who his family is. His whole life is hiding in the shadows.

The fact that he doesn’t share important information with you might mean that he only pretends to love you.

10. He is protective around his phone

If you want to know if he is unfaithful, or up to other bad behavior, just check how protective he is around his phone. Does he insist on using your google maps? Does he always play music on your phone, but never the other way around? Does he bring his phone when he goes to the bathroom? Or does he just generally act as if his phone is super important and loaded with top-secret information?

You can tell a lot about a guy by the way he acts around his phone. If he is being honest, he shouldn’t have an overly protective relationship with his phone. His phone should be just like any other tool he just needs to get a job done, his phone should be more similar to the toaster than to a nuclear bomb.

11. You feel insecure around him

One of the biggest telltale signs of the status of our relationships is how that person makes us feel about abut ourselves. Yes, that holds true for friends and parents as well.

Toxic people always make you feel bad about yourself. You feel drained of energy after hanging out with them. The exception is the beginning of the relationship when they do something called love bombing. Check out our in-depth guide, Love Bombing.

If it wasn’t for the love bombing no one would stay in a toxic relationship.

How does he treat you?

Does he complain about parts of your personality? Or, even worse, does he complain about the way you look? In that case, there is a real possibility that he only pretends to love you.

Think back to how you felt about yourself before you meet him. Has he improved your life and the relationship you have with yourself?

Those sorts of questions are very revealing. You can journal about the answer.

Also, take stock of how the different traits of his personality make you feel. Maybe he does love you, but is simply not the right person for you and that’s why you have this burning question.

Have your friends expressed concerns?

If your friends don’t particularly like him, you should take their view into consideration. Good friends always look out for each other. Your friends will be able to tell if he has had a bad influence on your life and your self-esteem.

12. He is not interested in you and your life

When a guy genuinely likes you, he is very interested in getting to know everything about you. This is true even for a shy guy.

You can feel his interest as a spotlight on your soul. He asks questions and listens attentively when you speak. He has no problem spending a prolonged amount of time focusing on you and your life.

So if a guy seems uninterested in everything you have to say, that’s a bad sign. If he rather the two of you do other things than talk, his feelings might not be in the right place.

If you feel like he is not really interested in participating in your life, that’s one of the majors signs that he only pretends to love you.

Is he a player?

If he seems immature and insecure, he might very well be a player. We have all come across them, they promise the world. But end up dispaering.

The thing about players is that your love feed into their darkness, they need to be loved and admired to feel good about themselves.

They compulsatory tricks you into loving them. They can be pretty persuasive. They are often good at making you feel loved and appreciated for short spans of time.

But at the end of the day, you want someone who makes you feel good and secure all the time.

Is he a narcissist?

It’s very popular at the moment to accuse your partner of being a narcissist. The truth is that there are few narcissists and your typical narcissist can’t keep a relationship going for more than a couple of months. To be sure, check out our article 14 Unmistakable Red Flags That Mean You Could Be Dating A Narcissist.

More likely, he is just not the right guy for you.

He might also be a perfectly nice guy

When you first asked this question, it gave me pause. Because how we experience reality also says a lot about our own confidence.

If you wonder if he pretends to love you, the question could tell us more about you than it does about him. Maybe you are the one who is neurotic, insecure, and always looking for faults.

I cannot tell, since I haven’t met you.

But I thought it worth mentioning the possibility that yes he does love you, and yes, he is a sweet guy. But you don’t believe you deserve love and that’s why you are always questioning him and his intentions.

If he doesn’t fit into any of the above 11 signs that a guy only pretends to love you, this one is the most likely explanation. Your feelings of unworthiness keeps you from having a happy, secure relationship.

A Final Note

Since you made it this far, let me take the liberty to make one final observation. The fact that you are asking for signs that he pretends to love you is, in itself, a bad sign. This question is a huge red flag.

You don’t need to find out the truth about his feelings, you need to find out the truth about your own feelings. It seems to me that you are not completely happy with your relationship. Time to take action, whether that is a deep vulnerable conversation with your partner or you moving on.